Let me get right to it. It’s not your body. Your sexy does not live in your hair or your lips or your hips. For me, ya pre-baby, sure it was nice having some eyes on me and feeling desired, it was a healthy ego boost. Having a baby turned my body (and my world for that matter but that is another post) upside down. My body decided to hang on as tight as it could to that extra 20 lbs like it depended on it. Like the baby depended on it. I tried to tell my body the baby was fine and we could go back to “normal now,” but it didn’t listen. I fought and struggled and toiled and expected and counted and omitted and worked very very hard around lake Merritt in Oakland …whew! Nothing. My body was just plain different now.
My sexy had to be re-defined. Do I like my belly? No. Do I love the way it looks because it made my baby? Nope, and I have heard that one before- bless you if you got there. My sexy only returned when it had nothing to do with my relationship to my body but my relationship to my whole self. Providing more space, more time to settle than I have ever needed before, re- balancing to my new normal whatever that is, as I re- discover and re- define. It wasn’t just my body that it was different, it was my whole being. You cant “loose weight” on your whole being, so I stopped trying and my sexy came back.