Courtesy of modern technology, it’s easier than ever to communicate with others around the world – from New York to Seattle, from Dallas to Rio de Janeiro, or clear across the globe from our own Oakland to Paris.
Yet, the most important communication – one-on-one, between two people who are supposed to be close? That remains a challenge for many. In particular, the aspect of meaningful intimate conversation seems to be the most difficult to master.
Challenges with sexual communication may arise for various reasons. At times, it may be differences in upbringing and culture that create negative or shameful feelings about sex. Most often, though, people simply feel uncomfortable with the subject because they don’t have the vocabulary to express themselves.
Yes, talking about what you want from your lover can be tricky. What if you say the wrong thing? Your partner may be a good lover, and could be better at certain things. So, if you don’t express yourself just right, they may react negatively to a critique or suggestion. The last thing you want to do is offend your partner. But, in the end, you still want sex to be satisfying.
Should you be embarrassed about that? Should it make you hold back telling your lover what you want? Or are there good reasons to speak up?
5 Reasons to Tell Your Lover What You Want
1. To build a strong bond with your partner
Believe it or not, there is more to sex than biology. (Who would have thought!) Rather than just being a physical act of gratification, sex involves our emotions. Sexual expressions should be a source of pleasure and ecstasy. Meaningful, intimate communication will help you to build love, confidence, and trust each other. Then, you will never have to worry about being ridiculed for anything you say.
2. Different people – different needs
Here’s a fact: Men and women experience sex differently. There are many variations and everyone is different, with a wide variety of people on the gender spectrum, our hormones do different things to our libidos. A classic example here can be that sometimes men can be unaware of a woman’s need for tenderness and affection and how sexually gratifying that can be. Also a woman’s sexual response may be a slower build than a man’s and may result in a man quickly achieving satisfaction, while leaving his partner disappointed. There is also something very important about knowing when to talk and when to stop talking and enjoy the moment , go ahead get primal, your partner might really enjoy those quickies! Overall, communication is vital, as it’s almost impossible for your lover to put themselves in your shoes if you don’t talk to them.
3. A more rewarding sex life
Great sex can closely support a person’s happiness. That means you have to look beyond today and check to see if you see yourself happy for a long long time. But what will happen if you keep doing things you don’t enjoy? What if you constantly fake an orgasm to avoid hurting your lover’s feelings or want to try something new but never say…it won’t ensure rewarding sexual relations in the future. Start talking!
4. To Improve your sexual communication skills
When you understand a subject well, you can avoid confusion and discouragement. Sharing what you feel is important because, you are the expert on yourself. Don’t assume your lover knows what you want! They can’t read your mind. They need your direction. (It’s like their own personal GPS system! *wink*) With time, they’ll learn their way around and get better and better. Practice makes perfect!
5. Open communication – a two-way street
Of course, this isn’t all about you. Both you and your lover need to put forth the effort to understand each others’ needs, wants, and limitations. It’s a give-and-take matter. Tell your lover what you want, and he or she can tell you what they want in turn. It doesn’t mean you always have to fulfill each others’ desires, it just opens the floor up for exploration. Be thoughtfully sensitive to each others’ feelings and wishes. The result: mutual satisfaction. (Win-win!)