Archives for October 2016

People always say there are two topics you shouldn’t discuss in polite company: politics and religion. But we all hope that our marriages will be the exception, a safe place where we can talk about our views on those issues.

Elections get pretty heated—this year’s roiling campaign is especially tense. It seems that everyone’s emotions are running really high. It also seems like so much is at stake! What if it turns out that your spouse supports the other candidate, the one you can’t stand?

First, hold yourself back. Resist the urge to accuse your spouse of supporting the candidate who wants to destroy the world. Instead, try these tips for getting through this election season with your love intact.

Don’t Talk about Politics at Home

Famous political odd couple Mary Matalin and James Carville are a prime example of how opposites can make it work. She was a Republican consultant; he was a Democratic consultant. They have been together for more than 20 years and raised two kids together, despite their differences.

What’s their secret? Reportedly, the key to their successful partnership is leaving the politics at the door. It really comes down to setting boundaries.

Save your rants for your best friends or shout them from the middle of 16th Street Station instead.

Focus on What You Have in Common

Even though we have strong opinions about politics, those views are minor when it comes to the big picture. Remember all the topics you do have in common. Maybe you have a shared passion for helping kids in your community or you both just enjoy binge-watching a show on the couch together. Go out to a movie or take yoga classes together. If you can’t stop yourselves from getting aggravated by the evening news, do something else as a couple. Don’t let your differences about politics divide you.

Fight Fair

Perhaps you set a rule not to discuss politics at home but find that is a hard guideline to keep. If you end up discussing politics anyway, can you set aside your need to be right? Fighting fair is an important key to the success of any marriage. That’s true no matter what topic you’re fighting about. Resolve to avoid name-calling and recuse yourself from discussions that get too heated. If you must discuss politics, stick to verifiable facts to make your point.

Work Off Some Tension in the Bedroom

A little bit of healthy debate can be a great way to get sparks flying in the bedroom—in a good way. Channel that political passion and intensity into your sex life instead. You may find that the election season becomes a whole lot more enjoyable!

Remember that Respecting Your Partner is Key

Respecting your spouse has to be the foundation of any marriage. It can lead to much bigger problems if you can’t respect the fact that your spouse has opposing political views as politics can be a foundation of a true deep belief system. Focus on your gratitude for your partner’s good qualities instead of your disdain for views you don’t agree with.

When you’re happy with your spouse and can’t imagine life without them, that’s what matters.

Having different political views than your spouse can be very frustrating.

When you feel strongly about the issues and the candidates, it can seem like the differences between you and your partner are too great. Just remember to keep a sense of humor about the whole thing because, ultimately, you and your spouse have come together already knowing that about one another and still have chosen each other for life.

Halloween is a time for mild scares and ghoulish sights. Fake tombstones, spider webs are just part of the spooky scenery in October. Fear and fright have been taken a step further this year with the appearance of creepy clowns showing up all around the world—including right here in Oakland. At first, these clowns seemed to be part of a joke or even a publicity stunt, but their actions in some instances, appear more sinister.

Even if you don’t have a clown phobia, it’s still normal to feel a little worried. Your kids, too, may feel scared by all the creepy clowns reported in the news. Here’s what to tell them and how to keep them safe.

Make Life Business as Usual

Match your response to your kid’s level of concern. The clown situation probably isn’t even on the radar for most children. They may have heard about it at school or seen it on the news, but it likely won’t be a big source of fear. If your child is afraid or happens to have a clown phobia, which is where you can use advanced fear-busting techniques. But if you convey a calm tone and don’t freak out, your child probably won’t either. Simply carry on with normal, everyday life as much as possible, all the while reporting anything sinister you might see, go with your gut parenting instincts, if it’s a hoax, then no harm done- if not, then you have done a great service at keeping the safety.

The Clowns Are Trying to Intimidate

This recent wave of creepy clowns seemed like a big joke at first. However, when clowns started using social media to make threats toward the Oakland public schools, officials took it seriously enough to do an investigation. So far, the clowns have been more threatening than actually dangerous. And there haven’t been any incidents of violence reported in the Oakland area. But the clowns are definitely trying to scare people, so it’s normal to feel unsettled by the whole issue.

The Cops are in Charge

Kids need to know that their world is secure and the adults in charge will protect them. In this case, you can reassure them that the police are taking the threats of the clowns very seriously. Authorities fully investigate the threats made here in Oakland. They’re doing the same thing all around the country where other clowns are intimidating people. The cops aren’t taking any chances that the creepy clowns are just a joke.

Remind Your Child that You’ll Protect Them

Reassure your children that you’re doing your part to keep them safe, too. Now is a good time for a refresher of the usual safety tips that apply in every other situation. Tell them not to take candy from strangers or go off with someone they don’t know, even if (or especially if) they’re in a clown suit. Remind them of safe people you will send in your place if you can’t pick them up. Let them know how you would contact them or how they can reach you.

Consider another costume

If there was ever a year that a clown costume for Halloween was a bad idea, it’s this one. Older kids and teens often like to dress up in costumes that are related to memes of the moment. Dressing like a clown might seem hilarious because of the news, but the pranksters have made this too dangerous to joke about. (You may want to suggest a Harambe costume instead for your meme-loving kid!) A lot of people are on edge right now in general. Dressing up like a clown could be an unwise way for an innocent kid to be mistaken for a threat.

As Halloween fades, so will the trend. In the meantime, just reassure your child (and yourself) that we’re all safe and take the necessary precautions.