Healing Happens Therapy

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Relationship & Intimacy Expert, reconnecting couples through counseling so you can rebuild and get on with the best parts of being in a relationship!

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Archives for July 2017

How Dealing with Digestive Trouble Helps Alleviate Anxiety

July 25, 2017 by kellymontgomerymft

Many of you may be scratching your heads. What in the world does my indigestion have to with me feeling anxious? But think about it:

Haven’t you had a “gut feeling” about something?
What about experiencing “butterflies” in your stomach before a big event?
Where do you think the term “gut-wrenching” comes from?
Welcome to the gut-brain connection. Everything our body does is connected. In some cases, that connectivity is more easily affected.

How does anxiety impact your stomach?

Anxiety causes a wide range of symptoms. These include everything from headaches to cold feet. Smack dab in the middle, it can do a number on your digestive tract. Here are just a few examples of what can happen:

  • Increased stomach acids: this, in turn, can lead to problems like reflux.
  • Sleep issues: all bodily functions (including digestion) require a healthy amount of sleep.
  • Overactive fight-or-flight response: always feeling stressed decreases our ability to digest normally.
  • Bacteria imbalance: anxiety weakens our immune systems, throwing off the bacterial balance in our gut.

All of this contributes towards a tricky cycle. We feel anxiety. Over time, it impacts our digestion for the worse. Poor digestion creates symptoms (pain, discomfort, etc.) that trigger more anxiety. Eventually, it feels impossible to identify what factor is causing which symptom. Of course, that results in even more anxiety and more digestive issues. Simply put, this must be addressed as soon as possible. And that usually means getting back to the basics.

4 Steps for Dealing With Anxiety-Causing Digestive Trouble

1. Lifestyle changes and basic self-care

A strong foundation can withstand a storm. For each of us, this starts with the daily choices we make. Two examples are rest and activity. You don’t have to become a gym rat but daily exercise is essential. In addition, we must avoid long periods of inactivity—except, of course, when it comes to sleep. Healthy, regular sleep patterns are a major part of reducing both anxiety and digestive trouble.

2. Stress management and relaxation techniques

Let’s state the obvious: If our stress is managed, it will do us less harm. What qualifies as a relaxation technique can differ from person to person. Yoga, Tai Chi, and meditation are common examples. Perhaps something like the Oakland Floats floatation center will, (ahem*) float your boat.

3. Re-evaluating one’s eating habits

We are talking about digestion here. No matter what role anxiety plays we can and must make smart eating choices. In terms of what you eat, you can seek out a professional guide (see below). Other factors:

Chew slowly: Refrain from wolfing down your meals. Set aside time to eat slowly and mindfully.
Timing: Try not to let yourself go too long without eating and then gorging yourself. Timing is very important. You may wish to aim for many smaller meals throughout the day.

4. Clean out the everyday toxins in your life (including tech addictions)

From the soap we use to how much time we spend staring at our phone, our choices matter. Every day, poor choices can contribute to more anxiety. As a result, they will create further digestive problems. Take stock of the products you use. Learn to read labels carefully. Take breaks from your devices. One cannot overestimate the stress caused by our tech obsessions.

Creating a plan of action

Mental health and physical wellness go hand-in-hand. We cannot have true balance without both of these elements. Finding someone to guide you is important. At Healing Happens Therapy, we provide coaching in aspects of health, wellness and nutrition. Find your motivation and empowerment while setting and reaching goals. You can do it!

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Sexually Out of Step? What to Do About Your Mismatched Libidos

July 11, 2017 by kellymontgomerymft

Our culture is dripping in sex. But there’s a catch. Very few of us actually talk about sex in any real way. Like all facets of a relationship, it requires constant attention.Compatibility evolves, but do we?

4 Issues that May Create Mismatched Libidos

1. Style/preferences

How we express ourselves sexually is a unique part of our personality. What turns us on doesn’t automatically excite someone else. Within the law, there is no right or wrong. Within a relationship, things can get more complicated.

2. Frequency

The first thing we think of in terms of libido is: how often? Some will say every day. Others (if not most) will prefer less. But, as with all aspects of human interactions, this is subject to change.

3. Duration

Libido can also refer to how long you’d like sex to last. Typically, this is a case-by-case situation. Even so, it’s not easy to get these preferences lined up. It’s not unusual to expect a long session but experience a shift along the way. Trying to tell this to your partner can be tricky.

4. Lack of communication

Being vulnerable and misunderstood can cause a lot of defenses, guilt and maybe even shame. Not surprisingly, this leads us to shut down. But without communication, any relationship can become unhealthy.

5 Steps to Re-Match Your Mismatched Libidos

1. Have a conversation. Make it an ongoing conversation.

What feels like a mismatch just might be a misunderstanding.

Your sex life does not stand a chance if you’re not communicating about it. This means during the act, of course. But mostly, it means before and after. You ask each other, “What are you in the mood for?” before cooking. You shop together, try new recipes and restaurants, and talk about food likes and dislikes. Are you being that talkative about your libido? Sex is a language in itself. Become fluent in it!

2. Turn off the porn.

Turn on your imagination and creativity. If you need to get ideas from porn get them together- but tune into your true feelings and desires—without being influenced by those images on your phone. Real life is not boring. Stop by Good Vibrations in Grand Lake Oakland to discover together what other options exist outside the realm of porn.

3. Redefine sex and intimacy

You might ask yourself: How many times per month do we have sex? But there’s a question to ask before tackling that question. How do we define “sex”? If it has to be intercourse plus orgasms, you might be missing a big part of the equation. Taking a shower together. Giving a sensual massage. Then there are also all the amazing acts that get lumped under the umbrella of “foreplay.”

4. Accept compromise and change

Part of any relationship is the ability to compromise. It’s like a delicious stew but, of course, some ingredients are better than others. Your sex life requires openness and vulnerability and a willingness to accept change. It all comes back to speaking the language of sex with each other openly.

5. What about bringing in outside help?

Sure, its private, but building trust with a professional therapist who can help you bring back the passion in your marriage is worth it.  There’s no rule that you have to figure this out on your own. See below for more.

Can couples counseling help?

The short answer is yes. But it involves a commitment from you and your partner. It also involves finding a therapist with the experience and skill to mediate and guide effectively.

Re-matching your libidos may begin with a free 15-minute phone consultation. As you progress through therapy, you’ll learn and grow together… and likely find that the homework assignments can be awesome.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Appointments can be made by calling at 888-831-5221 , or by filling out the information below:

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Healing Happens Therapy
Kelly Montgomery, LMFT #82418
6333 Telegraph Ave, #200
Oakland CA, 94609

kelly@kellyjmontgomery.com
888-831-5221

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