Healing Happens Therapy

you can heal, we can help.

Relationship & Intimacy Expert, reconnecting couples through counseling so you can rebuild and get on with the best parts of being in a relationship!

Certified Nutritional Advisor and Professional Life Coach, helping motivated people take back their health, reach their goals and integrate a sense of balance in their lives.

Archives for October 2017

Ditch Dieting Anxiety: Healthier Ways to Approach Weight and Wellness

by

Diet. Even just the word itself is often a source of anxiety. It can stir up feelings of guilt and shame and kick our negative self-talk into high gear. But we can approach weight and wellness in a healthier way. A shift in perspective may be required but it’s absolutely possible!

Why does dieting stress us out so much?

No one feels good when restricting themselves. Thanks to social media, we also feel more pressure than ever about body image. Dieting is a double whammy. We stress and obsess over the specifics, calorie counts, and ingredient purity. And we also get hit with all those body image issues. Dieting is stressful and often counterproductive for many reasons, e.g.

They aim a temporary fix at a long-term concern.
The whole idea of a diet is to “go on” it until you stop. This could be because you reached your goal or simply gave up. A healthier approach to weight and wellness would involve a big picture view of eating habits.

You must allocate so much mental energy.
The time and energy needed are exhausting. Turning something natural into a rule-laden sacrifice requires us to expend energy in very unproductive directions.

There is a lot of bad information out there.
It was bad before the Internet. And now? There is far more bad and dangerous advice than anything useful. Everyone is an “expert” and credentials are virtually impossible to verify. How can this not lead to dieting anxiety? We can’t morph into nutrition experts overnight. Find an experienced, qualified mentor.

Why is it important to maintain healthy eating habits?

It would be wonderful if we could condition ourselves to reject all imposed body standards. We’d no longer conform to society’s demands and eat whatever we want. Thinking for yourself is a wonderful idea. Eating whatever you want is another story.

Our bodies (and minds) require us to pay attention to what we consume. It’s not just about calories and sugar content. To feel our best, we must take responsibility for our lifestyle choices. Again, a great place to start is to find a mentor.

A Few Healthy Ways to Approach Weight and Wellness

Lifestyle
It’s not a trend or fad. It’s not something we do for a month before our sister’s wedding. Taking responsibility for our eating habits is a lifestyle change. We tweak it and re-evaluate it, of course, but it’s still a long-term decision.

Get active
Burning calories goes hand in hand with counting calories. Our body craves movement. Movement keeps us lean, flexible, and functional. This is another reason why “diets” stress and fail. They don’t address the need for activity. Step away from your phones and laptops and go try a spin class at RIDE Oakland!

Practice portion control
This is a good bit of nuts-and-bolts advice. One of the hardest parts of changing our eating habits is reducing or possibly eliminating foods we love. Don’t start with that challenge. Instead, go with portion control. Commit to eating a small amount less at every meal. In no time, you will have seriously decreased intake and proven to yourself that yes, you can change. Tackling this change will make it easier to then address dietary content.

If you’re thinking, “Sure, I’ve heard all this a million times…”

It’s common to hear people bemoan how “there’s something new each week” when it comes to diet. Things can get confusing and therefore, demoralizing. As touched on above, weight and wellness is a loaded combination. Ideally, we can get input from someone who understands the emotional and physical factors—and how those factors combine. At Healing Happens Therapy, we help clients take a look at the whole picture. We address this challenging issue from the inside out.

Filed Under: balance, health, nutrition, weight loss Tagged With: , , , , , ,

From Infidelity to Intimacy. Why it’s Possible How to Get There.

by

Intimacy between partners evolves naturally. There are many good and exciting reasons for this. Unfortunately, in some cases, loss of intimacy can come about due to a crisis like an infidelity. There is too much guilt, shame, anger, doubt, and uncertainty to even contemplate intimacy.

At first, this will likely be the case. However, if you are part of a couple who opted to stay together, this issue will ease back into your daily consciousness in time.

Is Intimacy Possible After Infidelity?

The short answer is “yes.” The longer answer depends on each couple—their foundation, goals, and individual personalities. It also is rooted in how couples define and express intimacy. Our society might lump it all under the decidedly un-helpful label of “having sex.” In reality, we all know intimacy is an evolving, eye-of-the-beholder concept.

Intimacy can be broken into these broad categories:

  • Intellectual
  • Spiritual
  • Emotional
  • Financial
  • Recreational
  • Physical

Within each of these categories, the variations are endless. For the purposes of this post, we’ll focus physical intimacy. As you’ll see, however, they tend to blur into each other!

How to Move Towards Post-Infidelity Intimacy

1. Start with communication

Even if infidelity were not a factor, you’d start with communication. But since a betrayal has occurred, this becomes doubly important. Schedule time to talk about your feelings and needs. Make sure you listen and make sure you’re heard.

2. Laugh together

It’s been said that shared laughter is erotic. This option encompasses almost all the intimacy forms listed above. Get back to having fun. It helps re-connect you and goes a long way to bringing back the spark and desire. Make a date for a night at Comedy Oakland!

3. Don’t rely on pornography to “jump start” things

Internet porn does not encourage intimacy. It does quite the opposite. Your intimate life is your own to invent, re-invent, and define. Steer clear of extreme imagery and scripted action. Allow your imaginations to conjure up new ideas and directions.

4. Don’t relegate “foreplay” to a side note

We’re often conditioned to see intercourse and orgasm as sexual goals. Without them, it’s not sex. As you transition back into intimacy, let go of such conditioning. Use this as an opportunity to learn and grow.

5. Appreciate the “little” things

Holding hands, a gentle touch, sustained eye contact, or a kiss on the forehead—the list is infinite. Don’t overlook or underestimate the role these moments and gestures of intimacy play in your reconnection. After infidelity, it’s not a countdown to how soon you get naked. It’s an endless journey of small steps. Appreciate each one.

6. Maintain an open mind

Intimacy is not a destination. It’s a process. Like any process, it requires your attention and flexibility. It’s important to set boundaries. However, remain open to other’s needs and desires.

7. Be patient

A painful betrayal occurred. To act as if it is easy to bounce back is counterproductive. Do not set any deadlines or create any more pressure than already exists.

Seeking Help to Make the Commitment

There are many variables that can influence a couple impacted by betrayal. One universal factor is confusion. Where do we start? What if I change my mind and need more time? How do I know if he’s thinking about me or the affair partner

All of these (and much more) are valid questions that may require guidance when seeking answers. That’s why, so often, the two partners commit to couples counseling. Those weekly sessions are where everything is brought out in the open. In such an environment, the transition from infidelity to intimacy becomes possible.

Filed Under: Affair, Uncategorized

6 Ways to Calm the Negative Effects of Anxiety On Your Weight

by

Sometimes, just saying the word “anxiety” causes anxiety. As a condition, it’s serious and real and increasingly common. Here just a few of many effects anxiety can have on us:

  • Sleep and/or digestive issues
  • Restlessness, difficulty concentrating
  • Sweating, trembling, rapid breathing, increased heart rate
  • Overwhelming sense of danger and panic
  • Muscle weakness and tension
  • Out of control worry
  • Avoidance of social situations
  • Unexplained weight gain

Weight issues? On some level, we know such a connection exists. But it’s not automatically connected to anxiety. Everything else on the list is a textbook anxiety symptom. Unexplained weight gain (or loss) requires a little more exploration.

How anxiety negatively impacts our weight

  • Experiencing stress and anxiety often sends us into a subconscious but desperate search for ways to ease the discomfort. Overeating is a common example. When we consume large amounts of food in a short time period, we (very) temporarily create a sense of relief.

 

  • In other cases, anxiety causes an increase of cortisol in our bodies. Cortisol is a stress hormone with the unfortunate side effects of causing increased fat storage around the midsection.

 

  • A third component is physical inactivity. Anxiety can figuratively paralyze us. When we feel utterly overwhelmed, we often choose to do nothing. Meanwhile, our bodies crave movement. The lack of movement is shown to contribute towards weight gain.

6 Ways to Calm the Negative Effects of Anxiety On Your Weight

1. Start and follow a program of regular self-care

Any body-focused effort begins with the basics. There are eating and exercise habits but they’ll each get their own listing. Besides that, you have:

  • Regular sleeping patterns: The importance of steady, healthy sleep can never be overstated. Not only can proper sleep help when dealing with anxiety, it’s also been shown to prevent weight gain. Our bodies regenerate in sleep, give everything a fighting chance and go to bed!

 

  • Relaxation techniques: From yoga to Tai Chi to meditation to breathing exercises and beyond—this is a foundational form of self-care.

2. Educate yourself about healthier eating choices

It’s not easy to simply stop binge eating. An important first step is to focus on the foods from which you seek comfort. Whether you do the research yourself or you seek the help of a nutritional expert, it’s essential to know what fuel you need.

3. Get active and stay active

Being active helps us burn calories and release those exercise endorphins. We address anxiety and weight issues in one shot. Imagine using a climbing session at Great Western Power Co. in Oakland as a replacement for eating in moments of high stress.

4. Learn to recognize your triggers

Journaling comes in handy here. Keep track of what events, scenarios, environments, and people trigger you. Also, keep track of your reaction to such triggers. This record will help you avoid and/or manage situations that provoke binge eating.

5. Practice mindfulness

Living in the moment helps us detach from regrets about the past and fears about the future. In the present, we can feel less anxiety and discover deeper perspectives. Always go back to the breath, check your body for cues that you want to relax more.

6. Re-examine your needs vs. society’s norms

Not all weight gain is something to be “fixed.” Society embeds many unhealthy forms of self-image. It’s always a good idea to take time to contemplate your wants and needs vs. manufactured wants and needs.

Healing from the inside out

Contemplating anxiety and weight issues are daunting. In fact, such a contemplation can help feed the anxiety cycle. If this is the case, you may wish you could find someone who’ll listen and understand and offer guidance. Meet with a therapist who also works on body-related issues as a productive first step. Anxiety is best addressed from a mind-body perspective. Counseling this way is effective and self-empowering.

Filed Under: Uncategorized