When we think about our body’s immune system, we usually focus only on physical ailments. However, the immune system also impacts our mental health in a major way. Recent studies, in fact, have found an interesting connection related to inflammation.

What is inflammation?

Inflammation is how our body responds to bacteria, viruses, damaged tissue, and more. It’s safe to say infection and our body’s response to infection combine to cause inflammation. Other factors can create or add to it, for example:

• Stress
• Alcohol and tobacco products
• Certain prescription drugs
• Dietary choices

Symptoms that may indicate ongoing inflammation include:

• Digestive issues
• Skin problems
• Fatigue
• Weight loss
• Joint pain
• Depression

Injury or illness is usually not something we cause. But inflammation-creating lifestyle choices can be changed.

What role can inflammation play in our mental health?

Studies are still being done, but a connection is becoming clearer. Let’s consider depression. While this is a mental condition, there are physical symptoms. For example, a person with depression may have a loss of appetite. They may also have low energy or fatigue easily. Well, a large body of research now confirms a possible link between immune and inflammatory activity in the brain.

In 2013, another connection was made. A Danish study examined the medical records of more than 3 million people. Those who were hospitalized for infection were 62 percent more likely to develop an emotional disorder (e.g. depression and bipolar disorder).

It makes sense to explore ways to decrease inflammation in your life. The benefits may range across the spectrum of physical and psychological conditions.

3 Ways to Change Your Inflammation Situation & Mend Your Mental Health

1. Stress management and overall self-care

This may sound like general advice but taking care of yourself is the foundation for a healthy lifestyle. Stress is a universal trigger. It plays a major role in inflammation and must be taken seriously. Look into relaxation techniques like yoga, meditation, and Tai Chi. Also, guard your sleeping habits. Stress management begins with healthy sleep.

2. Dietary changes

What we eat impacts our health in so many ways. Here are some anti-inflammatory basics:

• Choose whole foods, reduce processed and packaged meals
• Choose the best award winning supplements to balance out the lack in your diet and get antioxidant support
• Make most of your intake of the plant-based variety
• Speaking of variety, embrace it
• Keep a food journal to learn your allergies and sensitivities
• Include anti-inflammatory spices like ginger, turmeric, cloves, and cinnamon
• Aim for as much organic food as you can realistically include

Of course, when it comes to diet, we each have our personal quirks. Consult a professional to make sure you’re on the right track.

3. Get active

Your body doesn’t want to be inflamed. But it definitely does want to move, twist, stretch, and sweat. This means getting active. For starters, limit your desk and device time as much as possible. Then it’s time kick things up a notch or three. You might prefer Crossfit or Zumba. Maybe it’s karate or spin class. Or how about getting outside? Walk or bike away some of that inflammation on the Bay Bridge Trail from Oakland to Yerba Buena Island.

Remember: You are not alone

Let’s be absolutely clear. It’s not easy making these lifestyle changes.

There are many reasons for this and plenty of those reasons are rooted in the mind. This is where counseling becomes essential. Working with a therapist is a proven path towards establishing new habits. We learn about our patterns and identify our obstacles as we come to better understand ourselves. After that, it’s easier to set a plan into motion.

Together, you and your therapist can lay out the groundwork for a new mindset. That new mindset may be the may be your most effective push towards less inflammation and better mental health.

Stress is epidemic. Sex is everywhere. Can we blend these two trends in a positive way?

The first step is to recognize that an unhealthy outlook on sex is a source of stress. Conversely, a deep and steady sexual connection is a proven form of stress relief.

How does sex counteract stress?

Having sex can release endorphins and other hormones. Having sex is also exercise. All those hormones and all that exercise combine to elevate mood. That’s the accepted science. But let’s face it. There’s more to healthy sex than just hormones. It connects us socially. It’s often part of being in love. Sex is a unique avenue that can guide us to a happier place.

But sex can also contribute to stress. Consider these examples:

• Performance issues: Are we good enough? Will we satisfy our partner?
• Self-critique: That inner voice may tell you stories about how you look or what you’re worth
• Compatibility: Each of us “has sex” as an expression of our own desires, needs, preferences, and so on. But what does our current partner think and feel about that?

Prescription: Do the work to improve your sex life and watch how it helps decrease stress.

How to jumpstart your sex life

1. Practice self-care

Loving yourself contributes mightily to your comfort zone in making love to others. A basic part of loving ourselves is self-care. If we are the best version of ourselves, it works as a powerful counter to the stressful examples listed above. Here’s how to get started:

• Regular exercise and activity: being fit is never a bad thing
• Sleep patterns: mood and energy grow from adequate rest and recovery
• Eating habits: skip the clickbait articles and find yourself a skilled coach
• Relaxation techniques: yoga, Tai Chi, and so on

2. Communicate

Make time to talk. This means talk, face to face. No texting or Facetime. Have a real conversation. Discuss your needs and desires. Commit to compromise and experimentation. But most importantly, commit to communication.

3. Ditch the porn

At first, you may see it as a way to “spice” things up. Over time, it will likely weaken your connection. Rather than relieve stress, porn can be a fast lane to more stress. Say yes to collective imagination.

4. Broaden your perspective on what “sex life” means

In studies, intercourse is used as the gold standard. In real life, “sex” should be defined by each couple as they see fit. You have the freedom and the responsibility to decide what works for you as a couple. If you only count intercourse as sex, you’re heading towards a dead end.

5. Don’t keep score

It’s not about numbers. How many times did we have sex? Who initiated last time? Which one of you is winning the orgasm race? Intimacy is not a contest. It’s a language of its own. So put aside the numbers and learn how to communicate sensually, leave the scoreboard up to the Oakland colliseum.

6. Practice mindfulness

Like everything else, great sex happens in the moment. We release expectations. Past pleasures (and failures) become a memory. All the “what if” questions about the future can wait. Right here and right now, we are blessed to be experiencing magic.

Embrace the process

So, having a bad day, go make love to your husband. Tell him,”I’m having a bad day, make love to me, help me feel better, Drs orders!” Don’t wait until your always in the mood, or feeling happy. You can use sex as a tool for creating new emotions and shifting gears. Allow yourself to prescribe sex!

Both issues can be addressed at once but sometimes it’s also a delicate process. Working with a counselor helps simplify the steps. You have a mediator and an honest broker. Therapy is a safe space for discussion, disagreement, and problem-solving.

Many of you may be scratching your heads. What in the world does my indigestion have to with me feeling anxious? But think about it:

Haven’t you had a “gut feeling” about something?
What about experiencing “butterflies” in your stomach before a big event?
Where do you think the term “gut-wrenching” comes from?
Welcome to the gut-brain connection. Everything our body does is connected. In some cases, that connectivity is more easily affected.

How does anxiety impact your stomach?

Anxiety causes a wide range of symptoms. These include everything from headaches to cold feet. Smack dab in the middle, it can do a number on your digestive tract. Here are just a few examples of what can happen:

• Increased stomach acids: this, in turn, can lead to problems like reflux.
• Sleep issues: all bodily functions (including digestion) require a healthy amount of sleep.
• Overactive fight-or-flight response: always feeling stressed decreases our ability to digest normally.
• Bacteria imbalance: anxiety weakens our immune systems, throwing off the bacterial balance in our gut.

All of this contributes towards a tricky cycle. We feel anxiety. Over time, it impacts our digestion for the worse. Poor digestion creates symptoms (pain, discomfort, etc.) that trigger more anxiety. Eventually, it feels impossible to identify what factor is causing which symptom. Of course, that results in even more anxiety and more digestive issues. Simply put, this must be addressed as soon as possible. And that usually means getting back to the basics.

4 Steps for Dealing With Anxiety-Causing Digestive Trouble

1. Lifestyle changes and basic self-care

A strong foundation can withstand a storm. For each of us, this starts with the daily choices we make. Two examples are rest and activity. You don’t have to become a gym rat but daily exercise is essential. In addition, we must avoid long periods of inactivity—except, of course, when it comes to sleep. Healthy, regular sleep patterns are a major part of reducing both anxiety and digestive trouble.

2. Stress management and relaxation techniques

Let’s state the obvious: If our stress is managed, it will do us less harm. What qualifies as a relaxation technique can differ from person to person. Yoga, Tai Chi, and meditation are common examples. Perhaps something like the Oakland Floats floatation center will, (ahem*) float your boat.

3. Re-evaluating one’s eating habits

We are talking about digestion here. No matter what role anxiety plays we can and must make smart eating choices. In terms of what you eat, you can seek out a professional guide (see below). Other factors:

Chew slowly: Refrain from wolfing down your meals. Set aside time to eat slowly and mindfully.
Timing: Try not to let yourself go too long without eating and then gorging yourself. Timing is very important. You may wish to aim for many smaller meals throughout the day.

4. Clean out the everyday toxins in your life (including tech addictions)

From the soap we use to how much time we spend staring at our phone, our choices matter. Every day, poor choices can contribute to more anxiety. As a result, they will create further digestive problems. Take stock of the products you use. Learn to read labels carefully. Take breaks from your devices. One cannot overestimate the stress caused by our tech obsessions.

Creating a plan of action

Mental health and physical wellness go hand-in-hand. We cannot have true balance without both of these elements. Finding someone to guide you is important. At Healing Happens Therapy, we provide coaching in aspects of health, wellness and nutrition. Find your motivation and empowerment while setting and reaching goals. You can do it!

Why does it seem that “fun” and “delicious” always seem to be…unhealthy? This goes double on holidays. Sure, the Fourth of July means independence. It also means:

• Chowing down super-sized portions of fatty food
• Being seated for hours in an ergonomically incorrect beach chair
• Arching your neck upward for at least an hour’s worth of fireworks
• Bombarding your ear drums with explosions and the Oakland Symphony
• Did we mention the huge amounts of junk food?

Pointing all this out doesn’t automatically make you the party pooper. Sure, it may feel like you just took the fun out of everything. But in reality, you’re giving yourself and others a chance to do the impossible: party and stay healthy at the same time!

From Downtown Livermore to the Alameda County Fair and beyond, there are many fun July 4 options to choose from. No matter where you celebrate, you can do your best to make body-friendly choices.

6 Ways to Celebrate Without Ruining your Diet

1. Plan ahead and/or make special requests

If you know a particular road will have traffic, you plan ahead and choose a different route. Why don’t we apply such simple logic to our health? Let’s begin with three suggestions:

• Eat at home

No matter what’s sizzling on the grill, you won’t eat too much if you’re full. Time it out to have a full meal before leaving the house. If your day involves a long drive, bring healthy food for the roundtrip.

• Talk to friends/ask for help

Contact the host and request certain food options. This is especially helpful if the planning involves a group email or chat. Get others involved and help them feel more comfortable asking for veggies and fruit!

• Potluck

Give the control back to every guest.

2. Portion control

Sometimes, the best you can do is less. By this, we mean eat less. You may do your best to be prepared but end up stuck at an event brimming with junk food. If you have to eat, control those portions. Chew slowly and don’t go back for seconds.

3. Bring your own food (and water)

Depending on the scenario, you may be able to take matters into your own hands. Literally. You can eat before. You can make requests. But what about bringing your own food? If there’s a host, talk to them. If it’s a public event, there’s nothing odd about loading a cooler with the meals that work best for you.

4. Volunteer as designated driver

Not all the junk and calories are hiding in the food. The alcoholic beverages can ruin a diet as fast as anything you eat. The responsibility of being designated helps you stay fit and others stay safe.

5. Combine activity with celebration

Encourage your fellow partiers to work up an appetite with some sports, games, and activities. Also, stay mindful of your own behavior by not remaining sedentary all night.

6. Be the host!

It’s daunting to throw a big holiday party but, it sure puts you in control. You can find the ideal balance of holiday staples and healthy options.

What if self-sabotage overwhelms self-care?

There are times when all the helpful tips in the world don’t matter. We already know what the wrong choices are. Yet, they draw us to them like a magnet. What do we do when the issue is much more than just a holiday cookout?

You may need a guide—someone with a background in both mental health and physical wellness. Working one-on-one with a therapist and coach at Healing Happens Therapy can lead you to a new, healthier form of Independence!

There’s a wise old adage every newly-engaged couple should carefully heed. It reminds us to not spend more time planning our wedding than our marriage. Yes, of course, weddings are expensive. They’re complicated. The planning involved is massive and daunting. They require a lot of time and energy. It’s easy to lose sight of anything else.

More people will ask about your wedding dress than you and your partner’s compatibility. That’s precisely when the problems may sneak their way in.

Happily ever after?

Love songs and romantic comedies teach us how “simple” it is. Once upon a time. Love at first sight. Happily ever after. But it’s not that easy. Not everything lasts forever. If the Oakland Raiders can move to Las Vegas, nothing should be considered certain in this world!

Most of us approach other aspects of our life with vision. We plan way ahead for things like choosing a college, switching jobs, even buying a car. We ask questions and ponder obstacles. Basically, we do the work so we’re in the best position to succeed.

An unforgettable wedding does not equate to a healthy marriage. A healthy marriage does not happen by accident. If you want to put the odds in your favor, start talking to each other!

5 Pre-Wedding Topics to Talk About Now

1. Family and friends

In an odd way, we marry more than one person. There are many possible factors in this package deal, for example:

Family
Friends
Exes
Co-workers
Children
Non-human companions
No, you’re not expected to get along perfectly with everyone. But, if there are concerns, voice them early and often. Nip any potential problem in the bud.

2. Intimacy

Most likely, sex is far from an issue at this point. But nothing is permanent. For a variety of reasons, sex drive and sexual style can evolve. Power dynamics are important, too. Is there an age and/or experience difference? Don’t take that initial lust for granted. Aim to create a long life of mutually beneficial intimacy. Even if it feels weird at first, learn to communicate about sex.

3. Career and money

Will one of you be the main breadwinner? Will you buy or rent? Are you open to relocating? Separate bank accounts? This is just the tip of the economic iceberg. Sit down together. Make lists of your financial needs and wants. Then honestly assess how compatible your two lists are.

4. Children

This one is a doozy. Do not walk down that aisle without having this conversation. Check that you do not walk down that aisle until you’ve at least temporarily resolved this issue. Neither of you has to compromise. Both of you have the right to your preferences and the right to change your mind. Most major decisions can be tweaked or even reversed. This one, however, is commitment in its truest form.

5. Independence

Even the healthiest couple can slip into codependence. It’s cute, at first, to do everything together. Eventually, it becomes dysfunctional. Talk about who you are and want to be in your independent lives.

While everyone is debating seating arrangements, a couple with vision keeps their eyes on the prize. We’re often led to believe that therapy is useful once problems arise. In reality, couples counseling before marriage is a wonderful and wise decision.

More and more people are learning the value of addressing issues before they’ve had a chance to fester. Don’t worry, you wedding photos will be great. Spend more time working on your relationship. It will help your future more than any of your other pre-wedding choices.

While climate issues may blur the change of seasons, there’s still something special about early spring. Perhaps it’s the warmer weather. Maybe it’s the budding flowers. For some, it could be baseball’s opening day. No matter what, the vibe is renewal and new possibilities. This doesn’t mean we each automatically swing into spring. Sometimes the shift in momentum needs a little push. Maybe even a shove.

6 Healthy Ways to Swing Mind and Body into Spring

1. Commit to a new lifestyle choice

What an ideal time to break out of at least one comfort zone. Where are you stuck? Where can branch out and evolve? Some fresh start options might include:

• Get into bed a little earlier each night, enjoy feeling rested when you wake
• Set the alarm earlier and get more done each morning, feeling accomplished
• Regularly turn off your phone and computer and read a real book
• Change your wardrobe, freshen things up!
• Experiment with your sexual repertoire

2. Stand up and get active!

They say sitting is the new smoking. So, plant your feet, stand tall, and get moving. Find new ways to work up a sweat. Suggestions:

• Sign up for a 5k run…and train like Rocky for it
• Try that Crossfit class everyone on your news feed is talking about
• Self-defense sessions keep you both healthy and safe
• Walk down to the local schoolyard and join a pick-up game of basketball
• Yoga and Tai Chi have been around for thousands of years—find out why

3. Get philosophical

The move from winter to spring is the perfect time to reflect. For every new beginning, old habits are shed. Sometimes it’s necessary to celebrate all ends of that spectrum. This could mean everything from crumbling tombstones to budding flowers. Consider a trip to the Historic Oakland Cemetery—not to grieve or ponder your mortality ( but you can if it feels good to get existential!)  But rather, contemplate the annual bloom of daffodils in the cemetery’s famous gardens.

4. Get creative

As Mother Nature does her thing, why not join the fun? You can work wonders with colors. Or your preference may be to string along some verses into a lyrical poem. It could be music or dance or photography. Whatever medium you choose, embrace the spirit of spring as you express yourself.

5. Volunteer or even better, create your own habit of giving

Living is giving. Each day presents opportunities to assist others. There are local soup kitchens, animal shelters, and nursing homes that need your help. If that lights you up, go for it. However, you could come up with your own ideas for making a difference. For example, homeless women are less obvious than homeless men. They also have unique issues. Why not create small care packages to carry with you and hand out? Possible items to include:

• Packaged food
• Feminine hygiene products
• Hand sanitizers
• Socks and undershirts
• Lip balm

6. Why do you think they call it “spring cleaning”?

De-clutter. Get organized. Hold a yard sale. However you approach it, the idea is to literally create space in our lives. If you have clothes you haven’t worn in a year, say goodbye. Books, DVDs, and CDs can be donated to your local library. If it’s taking up space needlessly, it’s expendable.

The transition from winter to spring differs for each of us. Winter blues can create enough of an impact to make it challenging to move forward. You are not alone. Working one-on-one with a therapist is an ideal way to identify such a pattern. From there, you can work together as a team to formulate solutions and create new momentum.  Reach out soon to make your spring the time of renewal it’s meant to be.

From pop culture to Internet porn, men are getting all kinds of wrong “advice.” You can toss in video games, sports, and pretty much everything that goes into male socialization. Memes are cute but no relationship can be summed up in a few words. Guys who want to hear, understand, and communicate well with their love interests would do well to put down their phones and do some introspection. It may be time to take a long hard look in the mirror.

From mansplaining to gaslighting and beyond

I mentioned the idea of conditioning above. Guys, it’s a major obstacle. Thanks to male privilege, you may be sabotaging yourself and not even know it! Here are just a few examples of what simple facts you might be missing:

• Women want and deserve to be heard and respected
• You don’t need to take up more space, talk louder, or dominate situations
• So don’t take up more space, talk louder, or dominate situations
• Your opinion is not more valid than hers or any woman’s
• Macho rarely means “sexy”

Can you imagine living in a society that doesn’t fully validate you? If so, then take it one step further. Imagine that your male partner doesn’t fully validate you. He may not mean it. He may not even realize he’s doing it. But that’s kinda the point. Don’t be that guy. Be the guy who “gets” it and keeps learning.

5 Ways Hear, Understand & Communicate Well

1. Friendship as foundation

Let’s put the “friend zone” nonsense to bed, once and for all. Do you realize how insulting it is to be told that friendship isn’t worth a man’s time? To get close, guys, it begins with a foundation of friendship. To stay close, that friendship must deepen and grow.

2. Redefine intimacy more broadly

Thanks to the rapid growth of Internet porn, and fast paced dating apps, we’ve lost touch with a wide range of intimacy. Sex in its many guises can be wonderful. But there’s much more to being intimate. Eye contact, hand holding, cuddling, secret telling and so much more. All of it can be more sensual than anything “hook-up” culture has to offer.

3. Respect boundaries

Everyone deserves this respect. We all have the right to establish personal boundaries—and allow those boundaries to evolve. If you’re not sure what those boundaries are, ask.  Learn more about being a strong male ally.

4. Challenge gender stereotypes and expectations

The common gender roles for men don’t exactly make it easy to get and stay close with women. From childhood video games to contact sports to war movies—the list goes on. These factors are not based on biology. Remember: You are free to be whatever type of man you wish to be. Usually Oakland area supports this, and that’s why I love the Bay Area.

5. Communicate

A basic component of any relationship is how you communicate. Part of this involves understanding power dynamics. As a guy, you have more power than you may even realize. Communicating with women means checking that privilege. Level the playing field. When talking with a woman, be mindful of your tone, body language, and listening skills. This goes for all women, not just those you wish to date.

All these suggestions may sound difficult. But please consider two factors. Firstly, it is so worth it. Also, you are not alone. Choosing to work with a counselor demonstrates a willingness to explore and grow. You and your therapist will identify patterns. You will also map out new directions. This process will enrich your life and the lives of all those around you!