Sexual intimacy is the one thing that makes the relationship with your partner different. It’s more than a friendship. It’s more than a family connection. This is the one person with whom you are physically intimate.
Intimacy is a strong bond for couples. And a source of joy.
But what happens when there is trouble in the sex department? What if you end up being a couple that is ‘intimacy impaired’?
You need help. Fast. Before impairment becomes resentment, disconnection, and anxiety provoking. Here are 6 solutions for out-of-sync couples who need to get together again soon:
1. Stay on the road to intimacy
For most couples, intimacy doesn’t just ‘fall from the sky’. Maybe it feels like that when you are a teenager (nudge, nudge). But even then that’s not the whole truth. Something else needs to happen first. Something that puts you in the mood. Something that makes you feel attracted to your partner.
Intimacy only works if you want it. And it works best if you really, really want it and are committed to finding creative, honest, and possibly therapeutic ways back to each other! Do you know what turns your partener on?
2. Master sex
If you’ve seen the popular Showtime TV series ‘Masters of Sex’, you will know about this already. Real-life therapists William Masters and Virginia Johnson worked for decades with couples who had become ‘intimacy impaired’. They developed a whole protocol to help them. Their main program, the ‘Sensate Focus’, takes couples through a series of exercises that enhance the sensual experience. This program was very successful in reconnecting couples in their intimacy and may be worth exploring.
3. Prioritize sensual experiences
Sensual experiences are all about togetherness without engaging in sexual intercourse. Take time to touch and kiss each other often. Learn to slow life down for the sake of exploring the entire landscape of each other’s bodies. Consciously make a lot of eye contact and affirm your attraction and connection.
4. Discover the clitoris
When we talk about ‘out of sync’ couples, there is no way around the clitoris. The biggest human sexual organ. It’s much bigger than the penis, but only the tip of it is visible. And it’s important to recognize how vital it is to enjoyable intimacy.
A majority of women experience sexual arousal through their clitoris. And clitoral stimulation takes time. The clitoris is often the most important factor in overcoming ‘impaired intimacy’. It can be a lot of fun to learn and experiment with it. Plus, it gives the female partner a lot of much needed attention!
5. Prioritize adventure and exploration
Humans are programmed to get excited by new experiences. That’s true in sex as well as in all other games we play together. Intimacy impaired couples often find that adventure and exploration rekindle their sex lives. Take your intimacy to different places in terms of location and activity.
If there is something new that you’ve never tried before, suggest it to your partner! Or why not take an intimate play time vacation and make exciting memories? Oakland has many opportunities both for exploration and for adventures. Clubs, parties, romantic locations, and lots of nature.
One of the most important ways to get you into sync again is to talk to each other. Talking about sex is not dirty. It is not shameful. On the contrary, it is a way of being intimate, all by itself.
Talk about what you want. Talk about what you find difficult. Be sensitive. Be honest. Practice non-violent communication! For example, if you are hoping to explore new intimate adventures, say so! Talk to synchronize your thoughts and bodies more and more.
Talking about sex also means talking about emotions. Discussions about hopes, dreams and fears stimulate intimate mental connections. Sharing your life together deeply and frequently makes intimacy more likely. Yes, it can get exciting and arousing. But it can also be very deep and bring you close together in another way.
Intimacy ebbs and flows in a couple’s life together. Whatever happens, communicate! Intimacy blooms better when you work at staying connected.