Healing Happens Therapy

you can heal, we can help.

Relationship & Intimacy Expert, reconnecting couples through counseling so you can rebuild and get on with the best parts of being in a relationship!

Certified Nutritional Advisor and Professional Life Coach, helping motivated people take back their health, reach their goals and integrate a sense of balance in their lives.

Breaking Through Your Best: How to Navigate a New Level of You

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Nothing can be harder than breaking through to become the best version of you. Right?

Well…there is something else to consider when your best graduates to a new level. How do you traverse this new ground? You’ve raised your personal standards and you’ve ascended. But the air is mighty rare up there. Now what?

What Does It Mean To Break Through to Your Best?
The first step is to seriously ask yourself this question. This is intentional, ongoing work. No one hits new levels by accident. So, commitment is crucial.

Beyond that, this does become a very personal quest. Each individual defines “best” in his or her own way. Therefore, while some universal truths can exist, the final judge is you.

And that’s kind of the point.

Part of reaching for our best involves not being trapped by the perceptions or expectations of others. Of course, we can and must learn from those around us. But “your” best is different from “their” best.

In addition, a new level of you is never a final destination. The beauty of the human spirit lies in its potential to keep evolving. Strive hard. Revel in the attaining of your goals. Then get yourself moving to the next level. As you break through to each new level of “best,” do the work to navigate with humility, compassion, and gratitude.

How to Navigate a New Level of You: Ask Yourself These 6 Questions

1. How Do You Care For Yourself?
Being the best version of you means your mental and physical health, too. When world-class athletes ascend to the top of their games, they don’t rest on their laurels—unless they want to be surpassed. The new level of you deserves the same diligence and that starts with a daily program of self-care.

2. Who Do You Hang Out With?
Friends, family, and colleagues can help bring out the best in us. We need a support team, of course. When times are tough, everyone appreciates a soft place to land. But most often, the people around are at their best when they challenge you.

3. How Do You Spend Your Money?
Spend, save, invest, donate—your financial choices have a huge impact. Carelessness is a one-way ticket out of Bestville. Lean on your team. Educate yourself. Make the best possible decisions.

4. What Occupies Your Time?
Make the best of your days, your hours, your time. Raise your standard and use your time accordingly. Each choice matters immensely. Treat your schedule with respect and wisdom.

5. What Are Your Values?
Opinions and beliefs can change. Facts can change. Values beneath it all are what guide us. Yes, the air is heady atop Mount Best. But the best version of you is still you. Don’t forget the principles that got you there.

6. Who Are You Helping?
There is no “best” if there isn’t a lot of giving involved. Not everyone may have the options you have. Social dynamics are a daunting obstacle. When you break through to be your best, bring as many folks along as possible.

“Your” Best Can Be a Team Effort
Collective efforts rock! Your best is awesome but what if you could double it? Working with a professional helps. Your current skills are evaluated and improved. Valuable new skills are learned. You practice and you grow. Best of all, you and your coach or therapist will focus intensely on what it means to reach your best and how to stay there. In fact, those weekly sessions will help you realize and accept what was mentioned above: “Your best” is not a static destination. It’s an ongoing process!

Filed Under: balance, goals, health, healthy relationship

Need a Life Coach or Health & Wellness Coach? What They Do and How They Can Help You

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You can’t be an expert on everything. Life can get overwhelming and we can get stuck in places we desperately want to get out of. Therefore, it’s only logical to sometimes ask for help.

Generally, each of us has our realms of expertise. Some of us choose to share that knowledge. Two good examples: life coaches and health & wellness coaches. It doesn’t get any more fundamental than what they teach: seeking balance by choosing balance.

What Does a Life Coach or Health & Wellness Coach Do?
A holistic way to answer this question is to point out that such coaches make the big connections. For example, let’s say you and your partner are in the midst of a rough patch. Taking some time to yourself or choosing to attend couple counseling together is great. But what about when those outside factors kick in again?

Life can toss an infinite variety of challenges at us. The best way to greet these challenges is with a sense of balance. This comes from a balanced approach to managing your life. You address concerns both inside and out. You learn to recognize how it all connects.

Life coaches and health & wellness coaches vary in their approaches and their backgrounds. What they share in common is a passion to guide. Coaches gather information and offer guidance in those parts of your life that feel stuck or unfulfilling.

How Can a Life Coach or Health & Wellness Coach Help You?
1. Create a game plan
There’s an old saying about knowing the rules well before you break them. The same can be said for having a solid plan in place. Before you try spontaneity, you need to understand the basics. Working with a coach empowers you and provides a structure of core strategies and new ways to evolve whether it’s with body mind or soul.

  1. Learn fun ways to get active
    Our tech-based culture encourages a sedentary lifestyle. Coaching inspires us to learn fresh ways to sweat and smile. How about yoga, dance, and more at Oakland’s Flying Studios?
  2. Become the architect of your eating habits (and supplementation)
    What you consume will dictate how much energy you have to live a full life. Hydration, healthy meals, smart supplementation—it all adds up to fuel us well. Consult an expert to guide you through this ever-evolving process.
  3. Have someone to contact beyond weekly sessions
    It’s often tough to get appointments with doctors. Therapists and personal trainers are all yours—one hour at a time. A life/health & wellness coach is more a presence in your daily life. Besides face-to-face sessions, you may do phone calls or video chats. In addition, there’s 24/7 access to email or chat messages. To start, this kind of contact is crucial. Over time, you’ll develop new problem-solving skills and begin trusting yourself as much as you trust your coach!
  4. Develop a self-care regimen
    Even with steady contact with your coach, the onus is on you for self-care. The basics include the aforementioned healthy eating habits and daily activity. Add in regular sleep patterns and reliable stress management and you’re treating yourself the way you deserve to be treated. With self-care in place, you’ll find you are more receptive and enthusiastic about the coaching you receive.
  5. Live in the present moment
    Look into your past and find your regrets. Gaze into the future and your anxiety may kick in. In the present moment, however, all you have is here and now.

Where Do You Find a Life Coach or Health & Wellness Coach?

Look no further. At Healing Happens Therapy & Coaching we offer a wide range of health services—including life coaching and health & wellness coaching. All of our services share a vision. We understand that mind and body are one. Therefore, true health is created by honoring an integrated approach. Call today for a free 10-minute consultation and discover how you can become the captain of your own destiny.

Filed Under: get your sexy back, goals, health, healthy relationship, motivation, nutrition, self care, self help, self love, therapy, weight loss

What is Telemental Health Care? The Benefits of Online Therapy

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What is Telemental Health Care? The Benefits of Online Therapy

What a time to be alive! That line may be the stuff of silly memes, but it has a very serious side, too. Rapid changes in how we communicate have significantly changed the field of mental health for the better. Scheduling difficulties, time restraints, and even geographical distance no longer automatically prevent you from working with the therapist of your choice. Thanks to telemental healthcare, the playing field has shifted.

What is Telemental Healthcare?

Sure, therapists have been doing phone sessions in a pinch for years. Today, however, teletherapy is a featured service and this means using a face-to-face video platform. Your device may be:

  • Desktop computer
  • Laptop
  • Tablet
  • Smartphone

What matters is that you’re comfortable with the technology and are able to arrange for a private time. From there, it’s just like any other session with your therapist—without the commute, rush, or barriers created by a disability. The video platform allows important elements like voice inflections and facial gestures to be factored in.

What You Need to Know About Telemental Healthcare

1. Ask your therapist about their experience

Not all counselors are skilled or comfortable using telemental healthcare. Ask questions about their experience. Perhaps try one session first before committing to this format.

2. Talk to your therapist about the video platform being used

Of course, privacy is paramount. Licenced therapist use HIPPA compliant platforms. To keep your information private, make certain the platform is the most secure choice available.

3. Learn about state laws

State licensure and regulations vary from state to state. This could impact your ability to work with your preferred therapist. Clarify all such details with your counselor before beginning.

4. Is it right for you?

If you can easily get to a physical appointment, are you the kind of person for whom this is optimal? Sometimes, to have a specific go-to venue for counseling is part of the benefit. The goal and purpose of telemental healthcare is not merely a convenience. As with all modalities, it’s about recovery and results.

The Benefits of Online Therapy

1. Making the impossible possible

The most obvious benefit is a drastic reduction in scheduling obstacles. For example, if your job takes you temporarily from Oakland to Los Angeles, or you work a different schedule like a fireman, it no longer means you will go without therapy during that time. Of course, telemental healthcare is especially important for those with a disability that makes traveling a challenge.

2. Countering the stigma

We’ve come a long way, but the stigma of therapy can still exist for some. Even today, individuals can face family or work pressure surrounding their choice to seek therapy. Scheduling a location other than a therapist’s office may provide privacy and peace of mind.

3. It may coincide with your specific needs

You may, for example, be seeking therapy due to depression or severe social anxiety. These circumstances quite possibly could make it daunting for you to commit to a regular appointment outside your home. “Teletherapy,” in such cases, is an ideal entry point for moving towards recovery.

How to Connect with an Online Therapist

Telemental healthcare is a relatively new approach. As touched on above, it has unique requirements. Therefore, those seeking to try this method must choose carefully. Equally so, tele-therapists must wisely discern which patients are best able to adapt to the video platform. To learn more, and perhaps get started in the realm of telemental healthcare, contact Healing Happens Therapy for a free consultation.

Filed Under: balance, calm, communication, couples counseling, depression, divorce, family, goals, health, healthy relationship, infidelity, men's couseling, new years resolutions, parenting, purpose, reframe, self care, self help, self love, stress, therapy, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

How You & Your Partner Can Set Reachable Goals Together

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In a relationship, loving each other is obviously important. But there’s another form of love to consider. What about loving other things together? You can share interests, try new adventures, and set couple goals. This enables you to evolve and grow as a team. Never forget that love often endures but compatibility is far more fluid.

Why are goals important?

Life seems to move faster by the day. It’s easy to lose sight of the long term. Yes, living in the moment is a healthy choice. But no, that doesn’t mean we don’t plan for the future. It doesn’t mean we don’t get excited about the future. As a couple, working together towards a goal is one of the most important forms of bonding.

Goals keep you:

  • Focused and motivated
  • Locked in as a couple
  • Aware of your progress
  • Striving to be the best versions of you
  • Compatible

In the process of achieving a goal, you learn more about yourself as an individual. You also learn more about your relationship. You reach more on a collective mission. At night, you go to bed knowing you did the work…together.

6 Ways You and Your Partner Can Set Reachable Goals Together

1. Take your time in choosing goals

Some wants are fleeting and temporary. Some are more of a desire for one. Choosing a reachable couple goal is not something to be rushed. It’s not that you can’t change or modify goals. But it is important to be on the same page when you start.

2. Don’t be too quick to compromise

One of the hallmarks of a healthy relationship is compromise. This is a big part of goal-setting. But there are compromises and then there are compromises! Be cautious to not take one for the team if you are changing some of your personal requirements.

3. Write a mission statement

If steps one and two have you stuck, it’s time for a big picture view. Set aside time to work on your relationship mission statement. What brought you together and kept you there? Where are you now and where do you want to be?

4. Get specific

“More money” is not an actual goal. Practice visualizing. Make detailed outlines and lists. Create a sequence of small goals leading to a giant one.

5. Consider both long term and short term goals

Not all goals are created equal — and that’s a good thing. Some goals, in fact, contain more than one time frame. You’re in this for the long term but want to enjoy the present. Let your goals reflect both.

6. Plan your celebrations!

What fun is attaining a couple goal without the celebration? And what’s a celebration without some spice? Getting to your first goal is an excellent excuse for a couples creative date. Create the “carrot” you can work for.

7. “See” things five years from now

Before finalizing your first goal or set of goals, try a couple of exercises. First, imagine you and your partner are writing a couples’ memoir. How would you describe this time period? Are you still living in Oakland? How many chapters would be needed to explain these goals being reached? Another idea: Think of a close mutual friend. Now see yourself running into that friend in five years. Hear the conversation as you catch them up about all your work and progress.

Find your goal-planning place

As everyday life spins each of you into your own individual orbits, you often need something to ground you as a team. Couples counseling can provide a wide range of powerful benefits. You learn about yourselves and each other. In that weekly therapy session, things get real and a deeper connection can be formed. Reachable goals become more organic and natural. Take time to make mutual success part of your relationship.

Filed Under: goals, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , ,

Your Life To Do List: 7 Ways to Get Your Motivation Back!

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TO DO LIST-

This was your year. You were ready.

You had big ideas and a life to-do list you couldn’t wait tackle.

Well, it’s been a while now since the happy glow of new year’s resolutions and personal goal planning. How’s it going?

Not so long ago you promised yourself you wouldn’t forget or set aside your goals again.

Then old habits and distractions happened… again.

The lists you wrote, the mission statement you crafted, the fire in your belly faded… by Valentine’s day.

Why is motivation so hard to come by?

When it comes to self motivation, time tends to eat away at our resolve and enthusiasm with diversions, unexpected life events, and everyday responsibilities. Is it possible to keep enough motivational pressure on yourself to accomplish your goals?

Of course! Your life to do list is entirely doable. Forget about seasonal resolutions and past failures. Today is a new day. Focus on these 7 ways to motivate yourself to accomplish your goals:

1. Kill ambiguity.

Clear direction is key to pursuing a goal. Chip and Dan Heath, authors of Switch: How to Change Things When Change Is Hard, impress on people looking to realize their goals that no one gets very far without clear direction. Ask yourself questions about the purpose and execution of your goal each day. Engage the logical part of your mind to make a plan and break that plan into doable parts. The big picture is a lovely dream to inspire you, but you need clear, scripted strategies to get you through the hard work and to power you through periods of tempting procrastination.

2. Get emotional.

The Heaths, and many other motivational writers and speakers, acknowledge the power of emotion when it comes to getting things done. How you view your goals and the required work to accomplish them is central to success or failure. Try to become more aware of how you speak or think about accomplishing your goals. Are you using your emotions to their best advantage? Feel what you’re feeling and direct that emotion instead of letting it hinder you. Emotions are often more motivating than intellect.

3. Take charge of your environment.

Think carefully about what is distracting you from the things you really want. Be willing to adjust how you live, spend leisure time, and engage others in your space. Are you motivated by a little hustle and bustle or do you need quiet and solitude to feel motivated? Put yourself in the best situation for success.

4. Don’t skimp on self-care.

You do yourself and your aspirations a disservice by running yourself down and wearing yourself out. Pay attention to the quality and amounts of healthy foods and restful hours of sleep you’re getting. Exercise for stress relief and fitness. Take breaks and vacations so that the road to your goals is filled with happy memories. Check in with a counselor, life coach, or therapist to discuss your goals and progress and to maintain your mental health as well.

5. Connect with cheerleaders, go-getters, and heroes.

As always, people and connections are a vital part of what we do or hope to do. To keep yourself motivated, seek to gather these folks around you for mental support:

  • Non-judgmental, supportive friends and family members. All you need is a few key people who know you well and won’t hold it against you. In other words, those loved ones who will cheer you on toward change without trying to keep you tied too tightly to the roles of your past.
  • Like-minded peers. There’s nothing like a few good running mates to keep you accountable and inspire you. Surround yourself with and engage people who are actively going after their goals, you’ll likely not want to be left behind.
  • Inspirational mentor. Find a person who is where you want to be. You want to lose weight? Look around the gym, who’s been there and done that? Are you interested in switching careers? Find a person who’s done it successfully, pick their brain, and use your new knowledge to fuel your own progress.

6. Practice positivity.

Change can be scary. If you let it. Let that fear be a motivator.  There is a lot to be said for optimism, positive mantras, and even a daily pep talk to keep your enthusiasm high. Develop a go-getting mindset. When you think of your goals think of a positive word like “believe” or an inspirational quote. Write it everywhere. Make a poster or a coffee mug with slogan on it. Look at it a lot. Smile when you read it. When you think of your goal, train your mind to be inspired rather than intimidated.

7. Reward yourself well.

Almost everyone likes to shoot for a goal when there is a reward on the other side. Acknowledgement for a job well done is necessary in any pursuit, and sometimes it takes time.  Staying self-motivated is no easy task, when you make gains, pat yourself on the back. When you don’t but you tried, still pat yourself on the back.   Research shows that rewards are key to positivity, progress, and commitment, regardless of the goal.

Alright, now you know what to do and how to keep going until it’s done. Have fun and start checking things off your life to do list. Now’s your time!

Filed Under: goals, life coaching, motivation, Uncategorized

Blending Families? Why Premarital Counseling is So Very Important

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Blended (2)You’re in love again. And it’s good. Good enough to get married again.

But this time, you’re not just joining your life to your partner’s, and riding into an Oakland sunset.

You’ve got kids with minds, emotions, and loyalties of their own to weigh before you say “I do.”

Statistics show that 60 percent of blended families endure divorce a second time.

Not in your house. You’re willing to do whatever it takes. (chest bump!*)

What does it take?

Preliminary counseling. It’s vital for addressing the needs of the life ahead.

Premarital counseling is wise preparation for a wealth of challenges you may or may not recognize. Consider the issues your blended family may face:

  1. Adjusting home base: Blending your families usually means significant change for everyone. The security of home may be disrupted as schools, neighborhoods, and proximity to loved ones shifts.
  2. Child push-back: Your kids may not be as happy about your union as you are.
  3. Putting rules and discipline into practice: Setting and enforcing family expectations amid the emotional upheaval, adjusted living arrangements, new sibling relationships, and a host of practical matters is extremely challenging.
  4. Navigating child/ stepparent interaction: Relationship bonding happens as trust develops over time and will be impacted by perceptions of fairness, consideration, and respect for each other.
  5. Setting boundaries regarding people connected to previous relationships: Limits for extended family and friends connected to past marriages or relationships will be necessary to protect your new blended unit and marriage.
  6. Negotiating interactions with your exes: Divorce agreements and  co-parenting can present significant challenges to your marital and blended family relationships, on a regular basis.

Premarital counseling helps set the scene for healthy bonding, communication and conflict resolution in the following ways:

  • Counseling provides time and space to reflect and get real about your pasts. Any “old business” and unproductive relationship patterns should be examined and settled before committing to each other.
  • Counseling offers a forum to verbally lay out family matters like money, discipline, faith, and relationship boundaries. With the guidance of a counselor, you can deal with discrepancies in expectation, and discuss how ground rules will be communicated to your blended family members, extended family, and former partners or co-parents.
  • Counseling allows you and your partner dedicated opportunities to focus on your relationship needs. Together you can work to strengthen and develop your bond, both inside and outside of your new blended family.

Premarital counseling provides a variety of ongoing benefits that help smooth the way for  a healthy, happy future for your blended family:

  • Healthy adaptation. Learning to recognize, and anticipate, the differences in your viewpoints and preferences as a couple will help you better prepare for, and manage, problems in your larger family unit.
  • Productive communication habits. Counseling fosters helpful, supportive communication that helps manage emotions and conflict, while still honoring your bond — a skill that will need to be employed repeatedly, as you settle into your new normal.
  • Incompatibility issues. Though it may be hard to do, it is crucial that you allow a counselor to help you examine the whole relationship, especially areas of incompatibility. Facing your relationship realities before committing to marriage is vital. Counseling can objectively help you work through hard issues, to help determine where you stand.

Premarital counseling is an investment in your life together, the wedding gift that gives for a lifetime. Let it help you make love last, and build a new set of connections that enhance and enrich the relationships you bring along with you. By securing your bond and purpose early, you’ll be less likely to fracture when your blended family is tested.

Filed Under: couples, couples counsleing, divorce, goals, healthy relationship Tagged With: , , , , ,

How to get your sexy back after having a baby

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Let me get right to it.  It’s not your body.  Your sexy does not live in your hair or your lips or your hips.  For me, ya pre-baby, sure it was nice having some eyes on me and feeling desired, it was a healthy ego boost.  Having a baby turned my body (and my world for that matter but that is another post) upside down.  My body decided to hang on as tight as it could to that extra 20 lbs like it depended on it.  Like the baby depended on it. I tried to tell my body the baby was fine and we could go back to “normal now,” but it didn’t listen.  I fought and struggled and toiled and expected and counted and omitted and worked very very hard around lake Merritt in Oakland …whew!  Nothing.  My body was just plain different now.

My sexy had to be re-defined.  Do I like my belly? No. Do I love the way it looks because it made my baby?  Nope, and I have heard that one before- bless you if you got there. My sexy only returned when it had nothing to do with my relationship to my body but my relationship to my whole self. Providing more space, more time to settle than I have ever needed before, re- balancing to my new normal whatever that is, as I re- discover and re- define. It wasn’t just my body that it was different, it was my whole being. You cant “loose weight” on your whole being, so I stopped trying and my sexy came back.

 

 

 

Filed Under: babies, get your sexy back, goals, healthy relationship, self care, sex, weight loss Tagged With: , , ,

9 weeks till the New Year!? Making Resolutions

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Just nine weeks left until 2015 enters our lives.  What does that mean for you? You can assign meaning to anything to give you motivation to get things done or turn over anew leaf, so why not New Years? Its a healthy way to monitor yourself. I also use my birthday as one of those times.  Begin to think about what you would like to have in your life, how to get it and what that might mean for you.  You may have to sacrifice something for the greater good or add something into your life’s rhythm. Make some small and some large attempts at changes. Use whatever motivates you, a New year, the Day of your birth, or many other ones that have meaning for you.  Enable yourself to keep growing, checking in and stay aware of your way of life.  Grow Grow Grow!

 

Filed Under: goals, holidays, motivation, new years resolutions, self help Tagged With: , , ,