Healing Happens Therapy

you can heal, we can help.

Relationship & Intimacy Expert, reconnecting couples through counseling so you can rebuild and get on with the best parts of being in a relationship!

Certified Nutritional Advisor and Professional Life Coach, helping motivated people take back their health, reach their goals and integrate a sense of balance in their lives.

  • Home
  • About
    • Faqs
    • For Interns
    • Book
  • Sex & Intimacy
  • Trust & Communication
  • Health & Wellness
  • VIP COUPLES INTENSIVES
  • Online Therapy and Coaching
  • Resources
    • Fees
  • Blog
  • Contact

How to Get Close, Stay Close, and Like It: A Guy’s Guide

March 14, 2017 by kellymontgomerymft

Most men would love to be in a relationship. But many men are also afraid of being in a relationship. Some men don’t even realize that they have this issue – they just find one reason after another not to become too intimate.

If you are looking for help in intimacy, therapy can be very successful. It can help you to understand what is going on, and help you with identifying the underlying issues, including traumatic experiences from the past, that prevent you from enjoying intimacy today.

Here are a few steps in a guy’s guide to intimacy

Get close

Letting your guard down

If you wear your armor, if you have a weapon ready at all times, if you are alert to the danger of being invaded – well, then you have your guard up.

Nobody can hurt you. And nobody can touch you.

The first step towards getting close to someone else is to let them touch you. Physically and emotionally.

Think about it: this person is not an enemy.

Showing emotions

 Boys are often taught not to show emotions. But men still have feelings! Sometimes these feelings can even be stronger because they are hidden away. Most of all, getting close to another person involves outwardly expressing emotions.

If you have always been told not to show your feelings, you may be nervous when others show them. It might even be a reason to push them away. Maybe those ‘clingy’ women you knew were really just showing their feelings and it was up to you to respond by showing them yours.

If you have a lot of trouble with this, there are Oakland-Berkeley Men’s Groups that may also help you get accustomed to showing emotions and expressing them in a safe space.

Being a man

Men are told to ‘be a man’. That’s the most important thing in life. And the fear of being thought ‘unmanly’ immediately brings that guard back up.

However, there are many ways to be a man. Becoming cold and distant out of fear is only one of them, and is it really? It is the one that keeps you from intimacy.

Taking the big risk

Once you have your guard down, once you let somebody touch you, you are taking a big risk. That’s real. Yes, you can be hurt. Yes, you can inadvertently hurt someone else.

But, once you get close, who knows what may happen.

Stay close

Letting someone else know you

When you have decided to take that big risk and let somebody touch you, they will know who you are. You won’t be able to keep up a façade. They will know how you act, in bed, in the morning, after a hard day at work.

You will need to overcome your fear of giving that knowledge away. Yes, knowledge is also power. It’s just what happens in intimate relationships.

Getting hurt (that big risk!)

And when you stay close to someone, at some point, you will get hurt. It’s inevitable.

Are you man enough to take that risk? Can you tolerate that pain and transform it into the foundation of a long lasting partnership? Just like when you’re working out in the Bay Club or at 24 hour gym you’re building muscle.

Sharing

Remember when you were a toddler and asked to share?

You knew the joy of sharing then, before you were told to be an alpha male and take more than you gave away to others.

An intimate partnership is all about sharing. And sharing is a skill – just ask the toddler inside you! You can learn it every day. And it will bring you a lot of enjoyment.

Being a man

Taking the risk of intimacy is a big bold thing to do. It takes a lot of courage. You’ll be in charge of your love life, instead of being ruled by fear.

Like being close

Being connected

Try it. Feeling intimately connected to another person gives you a place where you belong. In addition, it expands your ability to feel and empathize. And it surpasses any connection you might have with a pet, or a place, or even with a friend.

Feeling your heart

No, that’s not a soppy romantic phrase. When you start to like intimacy, you will also discover more about what is going on in your own heart.

The joy of intimacy

… just like the ground-breaking book ‘The Joy of Sex’ that made it easier for people to talk about their erotic desires and explore them, the joy of intimacy comes with talking and listening. Listen to your partner and also to your therapist along the way.

Being a man

Being a man means being human. To experience the full range of being human. Getting close, staying close and liking to be close and intimate with someone else is a vital part of that experience.

Give yourself a chance to go for it. If you aren’t already interested in someone special, Oakland has a very rich and varied dating scene. Out there is a person looking for closeness and intimacy who may already be waiting for you.

Filed Under: communication, couples counseling, healthy relationship, is she the one, life coaching, love, men's couseling, ready fro change, romance, self help, sexual intimacy

How Can a Life Coach Help You?

September 16, 2015 by kellymontgomerymft

LIFE COACH (2)

So. Things aren’t going so well. You know it.

You just aren’t so sure what to do about it.

Life is boring, exhausting, stagnant.

Full of have to’s or want to’s, or someday you will do’s.

Blah blah blah. And you’re tired of talking about it.

You need to do something. You need a push.

Who do you call? Who can really help you make change soon?

Have you considered a life coach?

A life coach (eyebrow raised*).

Really?

Yep. Here’s what a life coach can do for you:

  • Affirm that you can’t do it on your own. Now re-read that… that’s affirm, not confirm. Affirmation of a life lived interdependently means you realize your need for help is not a confirmation of weakness or incompetence, but that life is a cooperative enterprise.

Your life coach signs up to get your back at times, and link arms with you during others. Coach support can release you of the need to see help as a sign of weakness.

You are seeking a coach because you know it’s good for you. Encouragement and enthusiasm is exciting. Your life coach can do his or her best work with your promise and your commitment. A life coach’s job is simply to help you reach the top of your game.

  • Identify, clarify, and strategize. Life can cloudy, blurry, out of focus. Sometimes we can pinpoint the problem. And sometimes we really don’t have a clue. That’s okay.

One of a life coach’s best benefits is to help you determine what you really want to accomplish, set goals, and make concrete plans to execute your life adventures.

Life coaches are the expediters of life plans. They are interested in, and invested in, helping others take meaningful action. Now.

  • Push you with healthy, productive motivation, not negativity and condemnation. Your life coach can help you rewrite the scripts and self-talk that keep you from the life you want beyond them.

Your coach will come alongside you with “why not” prodding and “try this” suggestions that keep you moving forward. They challenge you to overcome limiting beliefs and behaviors that stifle your long-held dreams and new aspirations.

Insecurities and confidence low points are part of everyone’s journey. Your life coach will simply help keep your low places from becoming stuck places. Together, you’ll discover key life areas that need change, and those that need more support to flourish.

  • Uncover the you, that you never knew existed, and the options you never knew to explore. Work with your life coach introduces you to tools and aspects of yourself that may surprise you.

You’ll expand your sense of self and what you have to offer. You’ll see what balance and harmony feel like. And you’ll likely feel comfortable exploring more of what life has to offer. From health, nutrition, to weight management and realized career or relationship goals.  We call it fulfillment. Isn’t that what you’ve been looking for all along? Let a life coach be your guide.

  • Invest in you and celebrate with you. Your experience with a life coach will be one of investments and payoffs. He or she will invest time, energy, and dedicated effort to your cause. You can rest in the knowledge that change is happening.

Your life coach will encourage you to enjoy your good life, and the courageous steps you took to make it happen. Celebrate each victory!

There’s no time like the present. Make the call. Step out of the shadows and let some of that Oakland sunshine warm up those dreams gone cold.

Get  “life coached.” Live the life you’re meant for…(and the crowd goes wild*)!

Call today 510-507-1763 Healing Happens Therapy, Kelly Montgomery, LMFT, Life Coach

Filed Under: balance, life coaching, new years resolutions, ready fro change, self care, slow down, Uncategorized Tagged With: balance, coaching, empowerment, slow down, support

“Stay weird, stay different!”

February 24, 2015 by kellymontgomerymft

graham-moore

Oh yes! “Stay weird, stay different” people! What would the world  look like if we were all the same? Pretty boring if you ask me. Graham Moore is in Hollywood, but us Oakland Bay Area folks have a chance too! He got it right when he supported staying unique.  Your life is only yours- there is only ONE of you!!  When you are feeling invisible, think, “How can I thrive?” “What do I desire?” “How can I go after it?” “How am I limiting myself?”

How can you get to that spot where you live your best fullest life where you feel that feeling of energy beneath your skin, and your heart races just a bit thinking of living that life?  We all deserve to wake up and feel a sense of readiness and lust for our day because we are about to go and do something we are meant to.  What are you meant to be doing? That energy, that desire isn’t there to torture you, don’t shut it out, use it to motivate you to go after your best authentic life.

Hone in on your unique self and what you have to offer.  Life honestly seems to hold a bit of magic dust when we are in alignment with what we are here for, who we are meant to be.  We can open those channels and sail through, so listen, and react. Be still, and know what you are here for. Get determined and motivated, serve your purpose and go and show up for all of us and your unique weird different self!  Reach out for help here www.healinghappenstherapy.com for assistance in manifesting your true purpose.

Filed Under: purpose, ready fro change, self care, self love Tagged With: determined, live your best life, motivated, oakland, stay weird, unique

Appointments can be made by calling at 888-831-5221 , or by filling out the information below:

  • Home
  • About
  • Sex & Intimacy
  • Trust & Communication
  • Health & Wellness and Life Coaching
  • VIP COUPLES INTENSIVES
  • Resources
  • Blog
  • Contact

Healing Happens Therapy
Kelly Montgomery, LMFT #82418
6333 Telegraph Ave, #200
Oakland CA, 94609

kelly@kellyjmontgomery.com
888-831-5221

* Kelly Montgomery now practices virtually only (online and phone). New clients may use the toll free number above and existing or returning clients may contact her local number via phone by downloading the “Whatsapp” application on your device.

© Healing Happens Therapy
A Bright Site by Brighter Vision

  • Kelly Montgomery, LMFT
  • Online Counselling
  • Visit my profile on YourTango Experts

Copyright © 2021 · Genesis Child on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in