Healing Happens Therapy

you can heal, we can help.

Relationship & Intimacy Expert, reconnecting couples through counseling so you can rebuild and get on with the best parts of being in a relationship!

Certified Nutritional Advisor and Professional Life Coach, helping motivated people take back their health, reach their goals and integrate a sense of balance in their lives.

Need a Life Coach or Health & Wellness Coach? What They Do and How They Can Help You

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You can’t be an expert on everything. Life can get overwhelming and we can get stuck in places we desperately want to get out of. Therefore, it’s only logical to sometimes ask for help.

Generally, each of us has our realms of expertise. Some of us choose to share that knowledge. Two good examples: life coaches and health & wellness coaches. It doesn’t get any more fundamental than what they teach: seeking balance by choosing balance.

What Does a Life Coach or Health & Wellness Coach Do?
A holistic way to answer this question is to point out that such coaches make the big connections. For example, let’s say you and your partner are in the midst of a rough patch. Taking some time to yourself or choosing to attend couple counseling together is great. But what about when those outside factors kick in again?

Life can toss an infinite variety of challenges at us. The best way to greet these challenges is with a sense of balance. This comes from a balanced approach to managing your life. You address concerns both inside and out. You learn to recognize how it all connects.

Life coaches and health & wellness coaches vary in their approaches and their backgrounds. What they share in common is a passion to guide. Coaches gather information and offer guidance in those parts of your life that feel stuck or unfulfilling.

How Can a Life Coach or Health & Wellness Coach Help You?
1. Create a game plan
There’s an old saying about knowing the rules well before you break them. The same can be said for having a solid plan in place. Before you try spontaneity, you need to understand the basics. Working with a coach empowers you and provides a structure of core strategies and new ways to evolve whether it’s with body mind or soul.

  1. Learn fun ways to get active
    Our tech-based culture encourages a sedentary lifestyle. Coaching inspires us to learn fresh ways to sweat and smile. How about yoga, dance, and more at Oakland’s Flying Studios?
  2. Become the architect of your eating habits (and supplementation)
    What you consume will dictate how much energy you have to live a full life. Hydration, healthy meals, smart supplementation—it all adds up to fuel us well. Consult an expert to guide you through this ever-evolving process.
  3. Have someone to contact beyond weekly sessions
    It’s often tough to get appointments with doctors. Therapists and personal trainers are all yours—one hour at a time. A life/health & wellness coach is more a presence in your daily life. Besides face-to-face sessions, you may do phone calls or video chats. In addition, there’s 24/7 access to email or chat messages. To start, this kind of contact is crucial. Over time, you’ll develop new problem-solving skills and begin trusting yourself as much as you trust your coach!
  4. Develop a self-care regimen
    Even with steady contact with your coach, the onus is on you for self-care. The basics include the aforementioned healthy eating habits and daily activity. Add in regular sleep patterns and reliable stress management and you’re treating yourself the way you deserve to be treated. With self-care in place, you’ll find you are more receptive and enthusiastic about the coaching you receive.
  5. Live in the present moment
    Look into your past and find your regrets. Gaze into the future and your anxiety may kick in. In the present moment, however, all you have is here and now.

Where Do You Find a Life Coach or Health & Wellness Coach?

Look no further. At Healing Happens Therapy & Coaching we offer a wide range of health services—including life coaching and health & wellness coaching. All of our services share a vision. We understand that mind and body are one. Therefore, true health is created by honoring an integrated approach. Call today for a free 10-minute consultation and discover how you can become the captain of your own destiny.

Filed Under: get your sexy back, goals, health, healthy relationship, motivation, nutrition, self care, self help, self love, therapy, weight loss

What is Telemental Health Care? The Benefits of Online Therapy

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What is Telemental Health Care? The Benefits of Online Therapy

What a time to be alive! That line may be the stuff of silly memes, but it has a very serious side, too. Rapid changes in how we communicate have significantly changed the field of mental health for the better. Scheduling difficulties, time restraints, and even geographical distance no longer automatically prevent you from working with the therapist of your choice. Thanks to telemental healthcare, the playing field has shifted.

What is Telemental Healthcare?

Sure, therapists have been doing phone sessions in a pinch for years. Today, however, teletherapy is a featured service and this means using a face-to-face video platform. Your device may be:

  • Desktop computer
  • Laptop
  • Tablet
  • Smartphone

What matters is that you’re comfortable with the technology and are able to arrange for a private time. From there, it’s just like any other session with your therapist—without the commute, rush, or barriers created by a disability. The video platform allows important elements like voice inflections and facial gestures to be factored in.

What You Need to Know About Telemental Healthcare

1. Ask your therapist about their experience

Not all counselors are skilled or comfortable using telemental healthcare. Ask questions about their experience. Perhaps try one session first before committing to this format.

2. Talk to your therapist about the video platform being used

Of course, privacy is paramount. Licenced therapist use HIPPA compliant platforms. To keep your information private, make certain the platform is the most secure choice available.

3. Learn about state laws

State licensure and regulations vary from state to state. This could impact your ability to work with your preferred therapist. Clarify all such details with your counselor before beginning.

4. Is it right for you?

If you can easily get to a physical appointment, are you the kind of person for whom this is optimal? Sometimes, to have a specific go-to venue for counseling is part of the benefit. The goal and purpose of telemental healthcare is not merely a convenience. As with all modalities, it’s about recovery and results.

The Benefits of Online Therapy

1. Making the impossible possible

The most obvious benefit is a drastic reduction in scheduling obstacles. For example, if your job takes you temporarily from Oakland to Los Angeles, or you work a different schedule like a fireman, it no longer means you will go without therapy during that time. Of course, telemental healthcare is especially important for those with a disability that makes traveling a challenge.

2. Countering the stigma

We’ve come a long way, but the stigma of therapy can still exist for some. Even today, individuals can face family or work pressure surrounding their choice to seek therapy. Scheduling a location other than a therapist’s office may provide privacy and peace of mind.

3. It may coincide with your specific needs

You may, for example, be seeking therapy due to depression or severe social anxiety. These circumstances quite possibly could make it daunting for you to commit to a regular appointment outside your home. “Teletherapy,” in such cases, is an ideal entry point for moving towards recovery.

How to Connect with an Online Therapist

Telemental healthcare is a relatively new approach. As touched on above, it has unique requirements. Therefore, those seeking to try this method must choose carefully. Equally so, tele-therapists must wisely discern which patients are best able to adapt to the video platform. To learn more, and perhaps get started in the realm of telemental healthcare, contact Healing Happens Therapy for a free consultation.

Filed Under: balance, calm, communication, couples counseling, depression, divorce, family, goals, health, healthy relationship, infidelity, men's couseling, new years resolutions, parenting, purpose, reframe, self care, self help, self love, stress, therapy, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

Nutritional Supplements and Your Mental Health: Why So Important?

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www.HealingHappysTherapy.com

You’ve heard it enough times on the radio during your morning commute through Oakland. You’ve seen enough beautiful bodies jogging through the Bay area to know it. You’ve read enough health and wellness blogs to get it: Your body loves a tall glass of water. It craves fruits and veggies, and runs optimally on just the right amount of protein and fiber. Throw in 30 good minutes of daily exercise, and you’re likely to feel pretty fit.

But what about your mind?

Are those things enough to ensure you’re mentally fit as well? Well, to be sure, the mind and body are connected.

It stands to reason that healthy thinking happens best in a hospitable environment.  In fact, recent research indicates that depression, anxiety, and personality disorders benefit from nutritional supplementation.

Let’s look at what we know:

Nutritional supplements can help offset the nutritional deficiencies that contribute to mental disorders.

Affordable, manageable disease prevention is much preferred to lengthy expensive cures. Increasing awareness of dietary deficiencies may help head off mental health trouble at the pass.  In the 2008 Indian Journal of Psychiatry article, ”Understanding nutrition, depression and mental illnesses,” researchers noted:

“On the basis of accumulating scientific evidence, an effective therapeutic intervention is emerging, namely nutritional supplement/ treatment. These may be appropriate for controlling and to some extent, preventing depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, eating disorders and anxiety disorders, attention deficit disorder/attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADD/ADHD), autism, and addiction.”

Nutritional supplementation helps seal “holes” in our diets. They restore optimal brain and gut function. Improving these functions relieves negative thinking, sleep deprivation, chronic pain, and other mental health detractors.

Science tells us, too, that significant inflammation almost always accompanies mental health challenges. Processed foods and sedentary lifestyles mean that supplementation is fast becoming necessary. It may even be critical to stemming the trend of nutritional deficiency and resulting inflammation.

Wellness experts show a link between depression, chronic inflammation, and problems in the gut. They maintain that nutrient supplementation is likely so effective because vitamins and minerals are potent anti-inflammatories. A theory that appears to hold up under scientific scrutiny.

Nutritional supplements can provide a natural enhancement to, or replacement for, prescription meds.

Many people want to feel better, not dazed or slowed down by meds or anything “unnatural.” Thus, natural alternatives have become more desirable. Knowledgeable and responsible supplementation often removes the need for large amounts of medication. This is increasingly attractive to patients.

Natural substances that ease distress while enhancing prescription drug effectiveness are attractive as well.

Nutritional supplements can reduce rejection of other mental health treatments.

Supplementation is supported by evidence proving its effectiveness, along with a safety record that far outpaces the pharmaceutical industry.

Is it any wonder that natural supplements often prove far less threatening or worrisome to many patients? This alone leads to increased cooperation by patients throughout the entire treatment process. With supplementation, therapists report fewer issues with side effects and treatment non-compliance. Thus, the chances of lasting mental health improvement improve.

So, what’s the takeaway?

Understanding the interrelated nature of your mind and body is vital when making nutritional choices. Loss of appetite, sleep, and self-control are markers of taxed mental health. Something basic and fundamental may be lacking if you are experiencing these issues.

As you seek help, it may be wise for you and your therapist to track your nutritional intake along with your moods. It may make all the difference between just managing mental health problems and thriving mentally.

At Healing Happens Therapy,  Kelly Montgomery is a licensed clinical therapist as well as a certified nutritional advisor.

Filed Under: depression, health, nutrition, self care, vitamins

5 Ways to Overcome and Deal with Jealousy

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5 Ways to Overcome and Deal with Jealousy // healinghappenstherapy.com

If you’re walking around with your partner around Lake Merritt in Oakland and an attractive man or woman glances over at them and smiles and your partner smiles back, you may feel a twinge of jealousy. It’s normal and very natural to feel these feelings.

However, when someone allows jealousy to overtake their mind and creep into every aspect of their life, then they may have problems dealing with this emotion. It can even damage their relationships if they act on their jealous thoughts. It can leave many people feeling very bitter or angry towards their significant other.

Why People Become Jealous

Some people compare themselves to others these days, especially when scanning through social media posts, where we see more intimate details of people’s lives. It’s easy to think others’ lives are much easier, better and more fulfilling than our own. They may see someone else’s strengths, lifestyle, relationship, and successes as a threat, and only see the negative in their own life. This can trigger feelings of not being good enough, not being worthy enough or bring insecurities to the surface.

However, most jealousy happens in romantic relationships. There may be a lack of trust between each other. One person may have experienced betrayal in the past from another ex-partner and now has trust issues with their current partner. Or, one person may have done something to the other that offended or upset them and now they can’t trust their partner.

When two people decide to be in a relationship with each other or agree to monogamy, they are essentially creating a verbal contract between one another. When someone does something that breaks that “contract,” conflict and jealousy can ensue, especially if the couple never defined the value of their “agreement.” This breach of trust can cause a person to react in a jealous manner.

When someone does not feel like they have value or contributes value to the relationship, they might feel unworthy or simply can’t recognize their own strengths and attributes.  It is then that jealousy can arise. This person may think they just aren’t good enough and someone else may be better suited for their companion. They have a fear that their loved one may want to look for a replacement or feel that their cherished connection is being threatened.

The critical voices in our heads can lead us to such deep brooding feelings of jealousy.  They can foster feelings of self-doubt and instill a level of of criticism that keeps people from feeling truly lovable. When we formulate these fantasies about what we think is going on, we’re really confusing ourselves with what is actually going on. We confuse reality with fantasy and only see what we want to see, which isn’t always the truth or real.

How Jealousy Can Be Harmful to Relationships

When you’re sharing your life with someone, you’re building a level of trust with them. But when you think something is going on behind your back, it’s easy to start a fight, accuse the other person of betraying you or break your commitment to them.

Paranoia is a side effect of jealousy and can lead to terrible consequences. When a person in the relationship starts to take action on their feelings, and it’s not done in the right way, things can start to get ugly. It’s wise to stop, take a deep breath and check in on things with yourself first.

Find out why these jealous feelings are surfacing. Here are some questions to ask:

  • Was something breached by your partner?
  • Can you talk to them about it?
  • Can you focus your attention inward to see why you’re feeling this way?
  • How are you viewing your own levels of self-worth and personal values?
  • Why do you feel like you are being threatened emotionally?
  • Is something stirring from the past that hasn’t been deal with yet?

When a person directs critical thoughts inward and believes these thoughts, they can start to disrupt the connection with their partner. A couple that once was strong may now become weak because of the person’s insecurities getting in the way of the relationship and mores other relationship with the Self. Suddenly the couple is dealing with a lot of drama and conflict. This will threaten the relationship and cause a rift to form between the two people.

How to Overcome and Deal with Jealousy

It is possible to overcome and deal with jealousy issues.

  1. Evaluate the emotions stirring inside. Reflect back on your past for a moment and see if there are any lingering negative emotions that still need to be dealt with. Maybe there was a traumatizing event that happened to you and you never learned how to cope with it; therefore, those thoughts and feelings will be brought into your relationship.  If there aren’t any past emotional issues that are obvious to deal with, then find out why there is this internal conflict happening and do some self-study. Practicing mindfulness will help to calm your racing thoughts and runaway emotions.
  1. Define your own boundaries. Decide what feels right to you and what level of interactions feel safe. This will help you to recover your personal power so you are able to gain more control over your emotions and refrain from acting in a reactive manner. Identify what triggers such strong emotions within and what core beliefs are being used.
  1. Learn how to communicate your boundaries with your partner. Open communication is key to any relationship. Sit down with each other and calmly discuss the issues that are arising within you. If you need the other person to be honest with you, then tell them. Express what you need from them to work through these problems.
  1. Never stop asking for what you need. If jealousy pops up in the moment, learn how to take care of yourself. Figure out what you need to do for you. But you should also learn how to observe and accept your jealous feelings as it’s part of being human. But when you feel like you want to take action on those feelings, stop for a moment and decide if you’re acting on made-up beliefs or reality. Remember that no one has to obey or follow through on poor behavior due to their jealous thoughts.

5. Seek counseling. When intense feelings of jealousy are jeopardizing the relationship, it may be time to seek professional help. Healing Happens Therapy helps to guide couples into a space where they can openly and honestly speak about their feelings and emotions. Jealousy can feel very lonely but with the help and support of a therapist and your loved one, you can overcome it.

Filed Under: arguing, couples, couples counseling, self care, self help, self love Tagged With: , ,

How to Alleviate Stress During the Holidays

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How to Alleviate Stress During the Holidays // healinghappenstherapy.com

Even before you open your eyes in the morning, before your body fully wakes up, your mind is already in full force, thinking about everything you have to check off on your To Do list for the day, including all the extra things you have to do for the holidays. Sound familiar?

You may already live a busy, bustling life but then throw in the holidays and the stress levels can become quite overwhelming. There’s so much to do and so little time!

If you feel like you’re drowning during the holidays, then you’re not the only one. The holiday season can be very chaotic – trying to remember every person you need to buy a gift for, shopping for everyone on your list, fighting the heavy traffic and crowds in Oakland, cooking or baking everyone’s favorite dishes and desserts, planning and hosting holiday parties, sending out Christmas cards, and trying to spend time with your family. Whew! It’s exhausting!

10 Easy Ways to Reduce Holiday Stress

However, it doesn’t have to be such a hectic time of year. There are ways you can reduce the holiday stress and actually enjoy the merry season. Follow these 10 easy tips to help calm your nerves:

  1. Set a budget. The biggest stress surrounding the holiday season is the gift-giving aspect. Many people have financial restraints and worry about racking up credit card debt or finding the extra funds to do all their gift shopping. Plan ahead and set a budget. It could be per person or total for the whole season, but it will help alleviate a lot of stress and worry about your finances.
  1. Focus on your regular routine. With all the extra commitments, errands and tasks you do for the holidays, it’s easy to get off your normal routine. But try not to. Keep eating healthy, nutritious food, exercising daily, getting plenty of sleep, taking any supplements or vitamins and giving yourself time to rest and relax. It’ll feel like you have more control and give you the energy you need to keep up with everything. You’ll notice that it’s when you stray from the routine, you’ll start to feel fatigued and stressed.
  1. Practice time management. Plan out your days, weeks or even months leading up to the big day. Essentially, make a roadmap. If you’re a visual person, try actually writing out your list of things to do and holiday events in a planner, or use one of many free project/task management programs online, like MeisterTask, Asana or Trello. Scheduling everything out will keep you organized, focused and less frazzled.
  1. Make time for your family. Even with all the craziness going on, be sure to make quality time throughout the months to just be with your family and friends. This can include baking holiday treats, watching your favorite Christmas movie, listening to Christmas music as you decorate the house, going to the mall to see Santa, or just eating dinner together every night. And during this precious time, try to turn off all electronic devices for the evening, or just a couple hours at the very least, to give your undivided attention to your loved ones.
  1. Exercise. One of the best ways to reduce your stress is to get your body moving. Whether you get outside in the sunshine for a walk or hit the local gym, working out your muscles and body is a great way to induce endorphin release and stimulate the production of serotonin that make you naturally feel good and keep you happy.
  1. Just say “No!” Sometimes, you can’t do it all. That’s life. Learn to say “no” and don’t over-commit yourself. You may have to forgo a friend’s holiday party or step away from the kitchen this year and not make those cookies. Protect your valuable time and spend it where it’s truly needed. It’s not selfish to think about yourself. If you don’t take of yourself, how can you expect to take care of everyone else? Only commit to things that you know you can accommodate in your schedule.
  1. Get rid of traditions. It is possible to outgrow a tradition, especially when you feel like a slave to it. If you don’t enjoy a tradition any longer and it feels more like a chore than something fun to do, then ditch it for a new tradition. Or, if you’re not ready to fully get rid of it, find a way to improve it – make it cheaper, faster, easier, or better. When you’re loving what you do, you’ll enjoy your time doing it even more. You’ll begin to cherish that time and even look forward to the tradition.
  1. Learn to delegate and ask for help. You don’t have to be a superhero and do everything yourself. It’s okay to delegate simple, tedious tasks or ask for help from your loved ones or co-workers. Learn to let go and let others assist you. You don’t always have to be in control of everything. It will help save you a lot of time and energy for more important, bigger tasks. When the stress becomes too great and you need help managing it, Healing Happens Therapy can help guide you through the holidays.
  1. Be present in the moment. When you’re swept up in the busyness of it all and feel overwhelmed, in that moment, remember to stop and breathe; become very present. If you notice your breathing is short and shallow, then your anxiety levels are likely rising and it’s time for a break. Even if it’s just two minutes, focusing on your breath will help you to calm down, get out of your head and release the tension.
  1. Make time for yourself. It’s okay to hit the pause button during the season to rejuvenate yourself. You deserve to enjoy the holidays, too. Take some time to de-stress and do the things you enjoy doing: meditation, deep breathing exercises, yoga, take a bubble bath, reflect on the year, practice gratitude, write or journal, paint, sew, watch a funny movie or take a nap. If you really want to indulge, book a spa day, plan a girls’ day out with your friends, or schedule a date night with your partner. Self-care is equally important during the holiday season.

But most importantly, enjoy yourself and have fun!

Happy Holidays!

Filed Under: holidays, self care, stress Tagged With: , , , ,

How to Cope with PTSD After the San Bernardino Terrorist Attack

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How to Cope with PTSD After the San Bernardino Terrorist Attack // healinghappenstheraphy.com

On December 2, 2015, married couple, Syed Rizwan Farook and Tashfeen Malik, opened-fired in the Inland Regional Center in San Bernardino, California, killing 14 people and leaving 21 others wounded. This mass shooting has been one of many terrorist attacks in the news lately.

This kind of unthinkable horror can leave the victims, their family and friends and the community in a state of shock, panic and distress, that possibly could lead to Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

It’s normal to feel scared, sad, anxious or paranoid after a traumatic experience, like the mass shooting. It may take some time to calm down from the event and cope with what happened. However, when you’re unable to let the thoughts go, calm your nerves or move on, then you may be experiencing PTSD.

What is PTSD?

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder occurs when an individual has gone through a very traumatizing event in their life and doesn’t know how to cope with it and move forward. They feel immobilized because their safety has been threatened. Many times the person lives in a constant state of “fight or flight” mode, feeling very unstable and reactive.

Many people associate PTSD with soldiers and other military personnel during times of war, but PTSD can be triggered by a variety of stressful experiences where a person feels helpless or hopeless. These can include:

  • Death of a loved one
  • Job loss
  • Car or plane crash
  • Rape
  • Kidnapping
  • Assault
  • Physical or sexual abuse
  • Terrorist attacks
  • Natural disasters

Symptoms of PTSD

You can tell the difference between a normal response from a person after experiencing a stressful situation, such a job loss, and a person suffering from PTSD, like from the San Bernardino shooting.

It’s normal to have nightmares about the trauma, not stop thinking about it or feel fearful. For most people, these symptoms gradually fade away over time. But for people with PTSD, these symptoms stay and sometimes, intensify. The nervous system gets “stuck” and can’t calm down, hence why these people are always in the “fight or flight” mode.

Other symptoms of PTSD include:

  • Difficulty falling or stay asleep
  • Difficulty focusing or concentrating
  • Irritability or suddenly lashing out
  • Constant anxious thoughts or flashbacks about the event
  • Physical signs of stress when they think about the experience (racing heart, sweating, tense muscles, nausea, rapid breathing or hyperventilation)
  • Loss of interest in normal activities or life
  • Feeling disconnected from loved ones
  • Feeling helpless, hopeless or depressed
  • Feeling jumping and easily startled
  • Feelings of guilt, blame or shame
  • Feelings of betrayal or mistrust
  • Avoids certain places, people or activities surrounding the event
  • Avoids feeling, talking or thinking about the event
  • Suicidal thoughts or feelings

5 Ways to Cope with PTSD

After experiencing a horrific event, like a terrorist attack, you may feel like life will never be the same and you don’t even know how to move forward. But you can overcome your fears and live life again. Recovering from PTSD takes time and effort to get your nervous system back in balance to a pre-trauma state, but it is possible.

Here are five ways to help you cope with your post-traumatic stress disorder:

1. Connect with your body. Exercise has been proven to help not only your physical state but also your mental and emotional well-being. During times when you notice that your fight or flight state has been triggered, like hearing the kickback of a car that reminds you of the sounds of gunshots which sets your mind into a state of panic, get outside for a walk or run. When you get your body moving, you release endorphins that will help to calm you down. By focusing on a physical activity or strenuous exercise routine, you’re allowing your nervous system to slowly become “unstuck.” Try to be very present by noticing the physical sensations you are feeling as you do the exercise, focus directly on what you are doing and allow outside thoughts to pass by, and listen to your breathing.

2. Connect with your loved ones. Many PTSD sufferers feel withdrawn from their family and friends and slowly disengage with them after the shooting or traumatic event, skipping parties or social events, being alone most days, and not staying in contact with people. Support from your loved ones is vital to your recovery. It’s important to push through those negative feelings and talk about the event with those you trust. It’ll help calm down your nervous system and help you regain a sense of safety and comfort again. Allow those that love you to help you and be there for you.

3. Challenge your victim mindset. Once you experience an attack or traumatic event, you may feel like a victim, vulnerable and helpless. But you must remind yourself that you have the ability to overcome your fearful mind and use your coping skills. You are stronger than you think. To help strengthen and reclaim your sense of power, think of activities you can do, like volunteering, donating to your favorite charity, giving blood or just helping a struggling neighbor, friend or family member. You may also consider joining a support group in Oakland, where you can connect with others suffering from PTSD.

4. Take care of yourself. No matter how paralyzing the shooting or event has been for you, you must keep yourself healthy. Try to keep your normal routine for a sense of comfort and familiarity. Eat healthy, nutritious foods, exercise daily, get plenty of rest and sleep, do things you enjoy doing or pick up new hobbies, and avoid drugs and alcohol. To help calm the mind and racing thoughts that replays the shooting over and over again, look into meditation, deep breathing exercises or yoga. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, ask for help around the house or at the office. When people offer you their assistance, take advantage of it. The less you have to worry, the more you can focus on your own healing and recovery.

5. Seek professional help. Sometimes you can only go so far on your own before you need to ask for help. Seeking out a professional therapist does not mean you’re weak or incompetent in dealing with your emotions. Sometimes you need the expertise of a professional trained in the area of PTSD to assist you in facing your fears surrounding the shooting or event that you experienced. Healing Happens Therapy can help you work through your thoughts and feelings, teach you coping mechanisms and address the problems PTSD is causing in your life and relationships.

My heart goes out to the families of the victims and anyone effected by this tragic event. Hoping this blog will support those in need.

Filed Under: self care, self help, stress, therapy Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , ,

8 Helpful Tips to Keep Your Partner (and Relationship) Top Priority

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heart (2)Lucky you. You have a partner. Someone to share your life with. That connection is something to celebrate and appreciate; to keep at the top of your life’s list of priorities and prized possessions.

You’re in love and you want to keep in that way. Here are eight ways to prioritize your relationship:

#1. Find out what “fine” really means. “How are you?” should be a meaningful question in your relationship. Check in with each other routinely, and really seek to know how you partner is doing. Intentionally decide to live life together, aware of each other on many levels. Refuse to become roommates, living politely parallel lives. Ensure that real listening, compassion, and a true desire to know how your partner is feeling underlies your interaction.

#2. Schedule time. Disconnect is sneaky. It will tell you that you don’t have time for each other, that your partner will understand how busy you are, or that you’ll get together “later.” Don’t believe it. Simply gift each other with time. Date nights, day trips, weekend travel. Do whatever creates shared anticipation, experiences, and  memories. Make time for fun.

#3. Throw a party for your partner every day. Not really, but your partner should feel undeniably appreciated every day. Appreciation helps partners keep negativity at bay, and increases positive feelings between you. Make sincere praise and verbal affirmation routine. Consider it a privilege to send each other out into a tough world feeling seen, valued, and supported.

# 4. Obtain your love degree. What do you know makes your partner feel most loved? Gifts? Words? Touch? Poetry reading in Oakland Joaquin Miller Park? Whatever it is, learn that love lesson well. In fact, get an advanced degree. It can be dangerous to make assumptions about how your love feels. Ask questions, study his or her responses to your efforts; be curious. Study your partner, and learn to love in a way that is specific, attentive, and adaptable.

#5. Refuse to let resentments build. This is crucial. Communication is lauded as the cornerstone of open, healthy relationships because it works. Keep the lines open. Break any unproductive habit that allows resentment to live unaddressed between you. As an act of love and commitment, make time for self-examination, and make the changes you need to in yourself. No silent treatment, no minimizing, no avoidance. Trust and respect each other that much.

#6. Become a super, problem-solving duo. Relationships face problems and endure challenges all the time. It’s normal. Learning to tackle the tough stuff together makes it clear that you’re in the relationship game to win, and willing to do what it takes.

#7. Work through problems in an optimal situation, as often as possible. Teamwork works best if you’re not tired, inordinately angry, hungry, or inebriated. Seek to understand, and focus attention on, one or two issues. Even if you take opposing views, take care of each other. Protect your union by staying present and respectful. Your partner will appreciate it and likely do the same for you.

#8. Make intimacy a way of life. Sex and affection are good. (You bet they are* wink, wink.) So, keep intimacy fresh and vibrant. How? Be adventurous, fun, playful in the bedroom and out. Be so close that you seek each other out daily, brush up against each other often, and look forward to ending the day together, at the same time, focused on each other– not the TV, Internet, or your email. Talk to each other all day. Share your work lives, discuss your family, talk through the bills. Then go further, and risk sharing deeper thoughts of yourself.

Watch your relationship grow.

Filed Under: communication, couples, health, healthy relationship, love, self care Tagged With: , , , ,

Uncommon ways to show Gratitude

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Gratitude (2)It’s after Thanksgiving and Christmas is on its way and we’re grateful to see another year coming our way. To be with loved ones. To eat well.

But what if we want a more meaningful season of gratitude this time around?

Is there some way to extract more than turkey feasts, Pinterest-perfect centerpieces, or the pilgrim story, Black Friday or before gift-giving and receiving overwhelms our period of thankfulness and reflection?

But of course! This time provides the perfect opportunity for breathing in crisp, cool air and focusing on what matters, and why it matters, creatively.

Consider these less conventional displays of gratitude:

  • Actual “face time.”

Quality time is the best indicator of your appreciation for a loved one’s presence in you life.

Offer a loved one some unmitigated “face time.” The real kind. No computer, no cell phone, no tablet. No posting, no selfies, no checking in. In fact, be so intent about making a beautiful, connected, engaged time together that the whole experience needn’t be posted to social media at all.(*gasp!) The shared memory is enough.

  • Immediate gratification.

Immediately and selflessly responding to a loved one’s wish, desire, or need says, “I am happy you’re here and I want you to be happy.”

Listen intently to the people around you. Did your mom mention that she admired your hair? Right there in front of her, get on the phone and set up an appointment for her, on your dime. Then pick her up and drive her when it’s time. Did your brother-in-law gush over your sweet potato pie? Show your gratitude for his appreciation by delivering one to eat, and one to freeze, later in the week. And the nephew in college? You know without asking he’d appreciate shopping in your pantry, before heading back to school.

It feels good to show your appreciation immediately and selflessly. You’ll be gratified by the delight and surprise others get from your prompt attention. After all, after childhood, it rarely happens for many of us anymore.

  • Letters of “nemesis appreciation.”

Some people are challenging. That’s something to be thankful for.

Okay, maybe you don’t have a nemesis, or an arch rival, or even an enemy. But you do have someone in your life who irks you, at least a little bit. Someone you see at work or at school. Someone on the treadmill next to yours at the gym every morning. Someone at that Thanksgiving table with you. (*ahem)

Write them a note, thanking them for the way their views or ideas challenge you. Detail (graciously) how much you appreciate their presence, and how it has helped you look internally and either like yourself more, or feel convicted to make some changes.

Your gratitude may come as a surprise to them, and could be a turning point in your relationship, or rejected outright. Doesn’t much matter. Gratitude is a good thing, regardless. You’re better for it.

  • Self-care.

Appreciate your mind and body for seeing you through the year’s ups and downs.

This time of year, show gratitude to the physical “host of your soul,” by reclaiming peace and goodwill on a daily basis:

  • Eat and drink well. Enjoy the holiday fare, just do it sparingly.
  • Exercise. Walk off stress around your neighborhood, or find your center in yoga class.
  • Steal some quiet time. Strolling a museum, meditating in a place of worship, or stargazing at the Oakland Chabot Space & Science Center may be nice ways to relax.
  • Journal. Writing provides perspective, when holiday plans inevitably going awry.

Showing gratitude helps make the season more enjoyable for those around you. They will be grateful for a less stressed, more present you.

Filed Under: family, gratitude, healthy relationship, holidays, self care Tagged With: , , , ,

How Can a Life Coach Help You?

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LIFE COACH (2)

So. Things aren’t going so well. You know it.

You just aren’t so sure what to do about it.

Life is boring, exhausting, stagnant.

Full of have to’s or want to’s, or someday you will do’s.

Blah blah blah. And you’re tired of talking about it.

You need to do something. You need a push.

Who do you call? Who can really help you make change soon?

Have you considered a life coach?

A life coach (eyebrow raised*).

Really?

Yep. Here’s what a life coach can do for you:

  • Affirm that you can’t do it on your own. Now re-read that… that’s affirm, not confirm. Affirmation of a life lived interdependently means you realize your need for help is not a confirmation of weakness or incompetence, but that life is a cooperative enterprise.

Your life coach signs up to get your back at times, and link arms with you during others. Coach support can release you of the need to see help as a sign of weakness.

You are seeking a coach because you know it’s good for you. Encouragement and enthusiasm is exciting. Your life coach can do his or her best work with your promise and your commitment. A life coach’s job is simply to help you reach the top of your game.

  • Identify, clarify, and strategize. Life can cloudy, blurry, out of focus. Sometimes we can pinpoint the problem. And sometimes we really don’t have a clue. That’s okay.

One of a life coach’s best benefits is to help you determine what you really want to accomplish, set goals, and make concrete plans to execute your life adventures.

Life coaches are the expediters of life plans. They are interested in, and invested in, helping others take meaningful action. Now.

  • Push you with healthy, productive motivation, not negativity and condemnation. Your life coach can help you rewrite the scripts and self-talk that keep you from the life you want beyond them.

Your coach will come alongside you with “why not” prodding and “try this” suggestions that keep you moving forward. They challenge you to overcome limiting beliefs and behaviors that stifle your long-held dreams and new aspirations.

Insecurities and confidence low points are part of everyone’s journey. Your life coach will simply help keep your low places from becoming stuck places. Together, you’ll discover key life areas that need change, and those that need more support to flourish.

  • Uncover the you, that you never knew existed, and the options you never knew to explore. Work with your life coach introduces you to tools and aspects of yourself that may surprise you.

You’ll expand your sense of self and what you have to offer. You’ll see what balance and harmony feel like. And you’ll likely feel comfortable exploring more of what life has to offer. From health, nutrition, to weight management and realized career or relationship goals.  We call it fulfillment. Isn’t that what you’ve been looking for all along? Let a life coach be your guide.

  • Invest in you and celebrate with you. Your experience with a life coach will be one of investments and payoffs. He or she will invest time, energy, and dedicated effort to your cause. You can rest in the knowledge that change is happening.

Your life coach will encourage you to enjoy your good life, and the courageous steps you took to make it happen. Celebrate each victory!

There’s no time like the present. Make the call. Step out of the shadows and let some of that Oakland sunshine warm up those dreams gone cold.

Get  “life coached.” Live the life you’re meant for…(and the crowd goes wild*)!

Call today 510-507-1763 Healing Happens Therapy, Kelly Montgomery, LMFT, Life Coach

Filed Under: balance, life coaching, new years resolutions, ready fro change, self care, slow down, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , ,

How to get your sexy back after having a baby

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Let me get right to it.  It’s not your body.  Your sexy does not live in your hair or your lips or your hips.  For me, ya pre-baby, sure it was nice having some eyes on me and feeling desired, it was a healthy ego boost.  Having a baby turned my body (and my world for that matter but that is another post) upside down.  My body decided to hang on as tight as it could to that extra 20 lbs like it depended on it.  Like the baby depended on it. I tried to tell my body the baby was fine and we could go back to “normal now,” but it didn’t listen.  I fought and struggled and toiled and expected and counted and omitted and worked very very hard around lake Merritt in Oakland …whew!  Nothing.  My body was just plain different now.

My sexy had to be re-defined.  Do I like my belly? No. Do I love the way it looks because it made my baby?  Nope, and I have heard that one before- bless you if you got there. My sexy only returned when it had nothing to do with my relationship to my body but my relationship to my whole self. Providing more space, more time to settle than I have ever needed before, re- balancing to my new normal whatever that is, as I re- discover and re- define. It wasn’t just my body that it was different, it was my whole being. You cant “loose weight” on your whole being, so I stopped trying and my sexy came back.

 

 

 

Filed Under: babies, get your sexy back, goals, healthy relationship, self care, sex, weight loss Tagged With: , , ,

“Stay weird, stay different!”

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graham-moore

Oh yes! “Stay weird, stay different” people! What would the world  look like if we were all the same? Pretty boring if you ask me. Graham Moore is in Hollywood, but us Oakland Bay Area folks have a chance too! He got it right when he supported staying unique.  Your life is only yours- there is only ONE of you!!  When you are feeling invisible, think, “How can I thrive?” “What do I desire?” “How can I go after it?” “How am I limiting myself?”

How can you get to that spot where you live your best fullest life where you feel that feeling of energy beneath your skin, and your heart races just a bit thinking of living that life?  We all deserve to wake up and feel a sense of readiness and lust for our day because we are about to go and do something we are meant to.  What are you meant to be doing? That energy, that desire isn’t there to torture you, don’t shut it out, use it to motivate you to go after your best authentic life.

Hone in on your unique self and what you have to offer.  Life honestly seems to hold a bit of magic dust when we are in alignment with what we are here for, who we are meant to be.  We can open those channels and sail through, so listen, and react. Be still, and know what you are here for. Get determined and motivated, serve your purpose and go and show up for all of us and your unique weird different self!  Reach out for help here www.healinghappenstherapy.com for assistance in manifesting your true purpose.

Filed Under: purpose, ready fro change, self care, self love Tagged With: , , , , ,

Stress doesn’t Discriminate

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Even when we think we are doing it right, sometimes we can still be looking through a veil.  Taking good enough care of ourselves means listening to our bodies and then managing our behavior around  what we hear it tells us.

Stress doesn’t discriminate.  Jennifer Lopez shares her experience here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/11/04/jennifer-lopez-true-love_n_6101282.html

Filed Under: burnout, famous people, jennifer lopez, self care, stress Tagged With: , , ,