Healing Happens Therapy

you can heal, we can help.

Relationship & Intimacy Expert, reconnecting couples through counseling so you can rebuild and get on with the best parts of being in a relationship!

Certified Nutritional Advisor and Professional Life Coach, helping motivated people take back their health, reach their goals and integrate a sense of balance in their lives.

Need a Life Coach or Health & Wellness Coach? What They Do and How They Can Help You

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You can’t be an expert on everything. Life can get overwhelming and we can get stuck in places we desperately want to get out of. Therefore, it’s only logical to sometimes ask for help.

Generally, each of us has our realms of expertise. Some of us choose to share that knowledge. Two good examples: life coaches and health & wellness coaches. It doesn’t get any more fundamental than what they teach: seeking balance by choosing balance.

What Does a Life Coach or Health & Wellness Coach Do?
A holistic way to answer this question is to point out that such coaches make the big connections. For example, let’s say you and your partner are in the midst of a rough patch. Taking some time to yourself or choosing to attend couple counseling together is great. But what about when those outside factors kick in again?

Life can toss an infinite variety of challenges at us. The best way to greet these challenges is with a sense of balance. This comes from a balanced approach to managing your life. You address concerns both inside and out. You learn to recognize how it all connects.

Life coaches and health & wellness coaches vary in their approaches and their backgrounds. What they share in common is a passion to guide. Coaches gather information and offer guidance in those parts of your life that feel stuck or unfulfilling.

How Can a Life Coach or Health & Wellness Coach Help You?
1. Create a game plan
There’s an old saying about knowing the rules well before you break them. The same can be said for having a solid plan in place. Before you try spontaneity, you need to understand the basics. Working with a coach empowers you and provides a structure of core strategies and new ways to evolve whether it’s with body mind or soul.

  1. Learn fun ways to get active
    Our tech-based culture encourages a sedentary lifestyle. Coaching inspires us to learn fresh ways to sweat and smile. How about yoga, dance, and more at Oakland’s Flying Studios?
  2. Become the architect of your eating habits (and supplementation)
    What you consume will dictate how much energy you have to live a full life. Hydration, healthy meals, smart supplementation—it all adds up to fuel us well. Consult an expert to guide you through this ever-evolving process.
  3. Have someone to contact beyond weekly sessions
    It’s often tough to get appointments with doctors. Therapists and personal trainers are all yours—one hour at a time. A life/health & wellness coach is more a presence in your daily life. Besides face-to-face sessions, you may do phone calls or video chats. In addition, there’s 24/7 access to email or chat messages. To start, this kind of contact is crucial. Over time, you’ll develop new problem-solving skills and begin trusting yourself as much as you trust your coach!
  4. Develop a self-care regimen
    Even with steady contact with your coach, the onus is on you for self-care. The basics include the aforementioned healthy eating habits and daily activity. Add in regular sleep patterns and reliable stress management and you’re treating yourself the way you deserve to be treated. With self-care in place, you’ll find you are more receptive and enthusiastic about the coaching you receive.
  5. Live in the present moment
    Look into your past and find your regrets. Gaze into the future and your anxiety may kick in. In the present moment, however, all you have is here and now.

Where Do You Find a Life Coach or Health & Wellness Coach?

Look no further. At Healing Happens Therapy & Coaching we offer a wide range of health services—including life coaching and health & wellness coaching. All of our services share a vision. We understand that mind and body are one. Therefore, true health is created by honoring an integrated approach. Call today for a free 10-minute consultation and discover how you can become the captain of your own destiny.

Filed Under: get your sexy back, goals, health, healthy relationship, motivation, nutrition, self care, self help, self love, therapy, weight loss

What is Telemental Health Care? The Benefits of Online Therapy

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What is Telemental Health Care? The Benefits of Online Therapy

What a time to be alive! That line may be the stuff of silly memes, but it has a very serious side, too. Rapid changes in how we communicate have significantly changed the field of mental health for the better. Scheduling difficulties, time restraints, and even geographical distance no longer automatically prevent you from working with the therapist of your choice. Thanks to telemental healthcare, the playing field has shifted.

What is Telemental Healthcare?

Sure, therapists have been doing phone sessions in a pinch for years. Today, however, teletherapy is a featured service and this means using a face-to-face video platform. Your device may be:

  • Desktop computer
  • Laptop
  • Tablet
  • Smartphone

What matters is that you’re comfortable with the technology and are able to arrange for a private time. From there, it’s just like any other session with your therapist—without the commute, rush, or barriers created by a disability. The video platform allows important elements like voice inflections and facial gestures to be factored in.

What You Need to Know About Telemental Healthcare

1. Ask your therapist about their experience

Not all counselors are skilled or comfortable using telemental healthcare. Ask questions about their experience. Perhaps try one session first before committing to this format.

2. Talk to your therapist about the video platform being used

Of course, privacy is paramount. Licenced therapist use HIPPA compliant platforms. To keep your information private, make certain the platform is the most secure choice available.

3. Learn about state laws

State licensure and regulations vary from state to state. This could impact your ability to work with your preferred therapist. Clarify all such details with your counselor before beginning.

4. Is it right for you?

If you can easily get to a physical appointment, are you the kind of person for whom this is optimal? Sometimes, to have a specific go-to venue for counseling is part of the benefit. The goal and purpose of telemental healthcare is not merely a convenience. As with all modalities, it’s about recovery and results.

The Benefits of Online Therapy

1. Making the impossible possible

The most obvious benefit is a drastic reduction in scheduling obstacles. For example, if your job takes you temporarily from Oakland to Los Angeles, or you work a different schedule like a fireman, it no longer means you will go without therapy during that time. Of course, telemental healthcare is especially important for those with a disability that makes traveling a challenge.

2. Countering the stigma

We’ve come a long way, but the stigma of therapy can still exist for some. Even today, individuals can face family or work pressure surrounding their choice to seek therapy. Scheduling a location other than a therapist’s office may provide privacy and peace of mind.

3. It may coincide with your specific needs

You may, for example, be seeking therapy due to depression or severe social anxiety. These circumstances quite possibly could make it daunting for you to commit to a regular appointment outside your home. “Teletherapy,” in such cases, is an ideal entry point for moving towards recovery.

How to Connect with an Online Therapist

Telemental healthcare is a relatively new approach. As touched on above, it has unique requirements. Therefore, those seeking to try this method must choose carefully. Equally so, tele-therapists must wisely discern which patients are best able to adapt to the video platform. To learn more, and perhaps get started in the realm of telemental healthcare, contact Healing Happens Therapy for a free consultation.

Filed Under: balance, calm, communication, couples counseling, depression, divorce, family, goals, health, healthy relationship, infidelity, men's couseling, new years resolutions, parenting, purpose, reframe, self care, self help, self love, stress, therapy, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

How to Get Close, Stay Close, and Like It: A Guy’s Guide

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Most men would love to be in a relationship. But many men are also afraid of being in a relationship. Some men don’t even realize that they have this issue – they just find one reason after another not to become too intimate.

If you are looking for help in intimacy, therapy can be very successful. It can help you to understand what is going on, and help you with identifying the underlying issues, including traumatic experiences from the past, that prevent you from enjoying intimacy today.

Here are a few steps in a guy’s guide to intimacy

Get close

Letting your guard down

If you wear your armor, if you have a weapon ready at all times, if you are alert to the danger of being invaded – well, then you have your guard up.

Nobody can hurt you. And nobody can touch you.

The first step towards getting close to someone else is to let them touch you. Physically and emotionally.

Think about it: this person is not an enemy.

Showing emotions

 Boys are often taught not to show emotions. But men still have feelings! Sometimes these feelings can even be stronger because they are hidden away. Most of all, getting close to another person involves outwardly expressing emotions.

If you have always been told not to show your feelings, you may be nervous when others show them. It might even be a reason to push them away. Maybe those ‘clingy’ women you knew were really just showing their feelings and it was up to you to respond by showing them yours.

If you have a lot of trouble with this, there are Oakland-Berkeley Men’s Groups that may also help you get accustomed to showing emotions and expressing them in a safe space.

Being a man

Men are told to ‘be a man’. That’s the most important thing in life. And the fear of being thought ‘unmanly’ immediately brings that guard back up.

However, there are many ways to be a man. Becoming cold and distant out of fear is only one of them, and is it really? It is the one that keeps you from intimacy.

Taking the big risk

Once you have your guard down, once you let somebody touch you, you are taking a big risk. That’s real. Yes, you can be hurt. Yes, you can inadvertently hurt someone else.

But, once you get close, who knows what may happen.

Stay close

Letting someone else know you

When you have decided to take that big risk and let somebody touch you, they will know who you are. You won’t be able to keep up a façade. They will know how you act, in bed, in the morning, after a hard day at work.

You will need to overcome your fear of giving that knowledge away. Yes, knowledge is also power. It’s just what happens in intimate relationships.

Getting hurt (that big risk!)

And when you stay close to someone, at some point, you will get hurt. It’s inevitable.

Are you man enough to take that risk? Can you tolerate that pain and transform it into the foundation of a long lasting partnership? Just like when you’re working out in the Bay Club or at 24 hour gym you’re building muscle.

Sharing

Remember when you were a toddler and asked to share?

You knew the joy of sharing then, before you were told to be an alpha male and take more than you gave away to others.

An intimate partnership is all about sharing. And sharing is a skill – just ask the toddler inside you! You can learn it every day. And it will bring you a lot of enjoyment.

Being a man

Taking the risk of intimacy is a big bold thing to do. It takes a lot of courage. You’ll be in charge of your love life, instead of being ruled by fear.

Like being close

Being connected

Try it. Feeling intimately connected to another person gives you a place where you belong. In addition, it expands your ability to feel and empathize. And it surpasses any connection you might have with a pet, or a place, or even with a friend.

Feeling your heart

No, that’s not a soppy romantic phrase. When you start to like intimacy, you will also discover more about what is going on in your own heart.

The joy of intimacy

… just like the ground-breaking book ‘The Joy of Sex’ that made it easier for people to talk about their erotic desires and explore them, the joy of intimacy comes with talking and listening. Listen to your partner and also to your therapist along the way.

Being a man

Being a man means being human. To experience the full range of being human. Getting close, staying close and liking to be close and intimate with someone else is a vital part of that experience.

Give yourself a chance to go for it. If you aren’t already interested in someone special, Oakland has a very rich and varied dating scene. Out there is a person looking for closeness and intimacy who may already be waiting for you.

Filed Under: communication, couples counseling, healthy relationship, is she the one, life coaching, love, men's couseling, ready fro change, romance, self help, sexual intimacy

5 Ways to Overcome and Deal with Jealousy

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5 Ways to Overcome and Deal with Jealousy // healinghappenstherapy.com

If you’re walking around with your partner around Lake Merritt in Oakland and an attractive man or woman glances over at them and smiles and your partner smiles back, you may feel a twinge of jealousy. It’s normal and very natural to feel these feelings.

However, when someone allows jealousy to overtake their mind and creep into every aspect of their life, then they may have problems dealing with this emotion. It can even damage their relationships if they act on their jealous thoughts. It can leave many people feeling very bitter or angry towards their significant other.

Why People Become Jealous

Some people compare themselves to others these days, especially when scanning through social media posts, where we see more intimate details of people’s lives. It’s easy to think others’ lives are much easier, better and more fulfilling than our own. They may see someone else’s strengths, lifestyle, relationship, and successes as a threat, and only see the negative in their own life. This can trigger feelings of not being good enough, not being worthy enough or bring insecurities to the surface.

However, most jealousy happens in romantic relationships. There may be a lack of trust between each other. One person may have experienced betrayal in the past from another ex-partner and now has trust issues with their current partner. Or, one person may have done something to the other that offended or upset them and now they can’t trust their partner.

When two people decide to be in a relationship with each other or agree to monogamy, they are essentially creating a verbal contract between one another. When someone does something that breaks that “contract,” conflict and jealousy can ensue, especially if the couple never defined the value of their “agreement.” This breach of trust can cause a person to react in a jealous manner.

When someone does not feel like they have value or contributes value to the relationship, they might feel unworthy or simply can’t recognize their own strengths and attributes.  It is then that jealousy can arise. This person may think they just aren’t good enough and someone else may be better suited for their companion. They have a fear that their loved one may want to look for a replacement or feel that their cherished connection is being threatened.

The critical voices in our heads can lead us to such deep brooding feelings of jealousy.  They can foster feelings of self-doubt and instill a level of of criticism that keeps people from feeling truly lovable. When we formulate these fantasies about what we think is going on, we’re really confusing ourselves with what is actually going on. We confuse reality with fantasy and only see what we want to see, which isn’t always the truth or real.

How Jealousy Can Be Harmful to Relationships

When you’re sharing your life with someone, you’re building a level of trust with them. But when you think something is going on behind your back, it’s easy to start a fight, accuse the other person of betraying you or break your commitment to them.

Paranoia is a side effect of jealousy and can lead to terrible consequences. When a person in the relationship starts to take action on their feelings, and it’s not done in the right way, things can start to get ugly. It’s wise to stop, take a deep breath and check in on things with yourself first.

Find out why these jealous feelings are surfacing. Here are some questions to ask:

  • Was something breached by your partner?
  • Can you talk to them about it?
  • Can you focus your attention inward to see why you’re feeling this way?
  • How are you viewing your own levels of self-worth and personal values?
  • Why do you feel like you are being threatened emotionally?
  • Is something stirring from the past that hasn’t been deal with yet?

When a person directs critical thoughts inward and believes these thoughts, they can start to disrupt the connection with their partner. A couple that once was strong may now become weak because of the person’s insecurities getting in the way of the relationship and mores other relationship with the Self. Suddenly the couple is dealing with a lot of drama and conflict. This will threaten the relationship and cause a rift to form between the two people.

How to Overcome and Deal with Jealousy

It is possible to overcome and deal with jealousy issues.

  1. Evaluate the emotions stirring inside. Reflect back on your past for a moment and see if there are any lingering negative emotions that still need to be dealt with. Maybe there was a traumatizing event that happened to you and you never learned how to cope with it; therefore, those thoughts and feelings will be brought into your relationship.  If there aren’t any past emotional issues that are obvious to deal with, then find out why there is this internal conflict happening and do some self-study. Practicing mindfulness will help to calm your racing thoughts and runaway emotions.
  1. Define your own boundaries. Decide what feels right to you and what level of interactions feel safe. This will help you to recover your personal power so you are able to gain more control over your emotions and refrain from acting in a reactive manner. Identify what triggers such strong emotions within and what core beliefs are being used.
  1. Learn how to communicate your boundaries with your partner. Open communication is key to any relationship. Sit down with each other and calmly discuss the issues that are arising within you. If you need the other person to be honest with you, then tell them. Express what you need from them to work through these problems.
  1. Never stop asking for what you need. If jealousy pops up in the moment, learn how to take care of yourself. Figure out what you need to do for you. But you should also learn how to observe and accept your jealous feelings as it’s part of being human. But when you feel like you want to take action on those feelings, stop for a moment and decide if you’re acting on made-up beliefs or reality. Remember that no one has to obey or follow through on poor behavior due to their jealous thoughts.

5. Seek counseling. When intense feelings of jealousy are jeopardizing the relationship, it may be time to seek professional help. Healing Happens Therapy helps to guide couples into a space where they can openly and honestly speak about their feelings and emotions. Jealousy can feel very lonely but with the help and support of a therapist and your loved one, you can overcome it.

Filed Under: arguing, couples, couples counseling, self care, self help, self love Tagged With: , ,

How to Cope with PTSD After the San Bernardino Terrorist Attack

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How to Cope with PTSD After the San Bernardino Terrorist Attack // healinghappenstheraphy.com

On December 2, 2015, married couple, Syed Rizwan Farook and Tashfeen Malik, opened-fired in the Inland Regional Center in San Bernardino, California, killing 14 people and leaving 21 others wounded. This mass shooting has been one of many terrorist attacks in the news lately.

This kind of unthinkable horror can leave the victims, their family and friends and the community in a state of shock, panic and distress, that possibly could lead to Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

It’s normal to feel scared, sad, anxious or paranoid after a traumatic experience, like the mass shooting. It may take some time to calm down from the event and cope with what happened. However, when you’re unable to let the thoughts go, calm your nerves or move on, then you may be experiencing PTSD.

What is PTSD?

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder occurs when an individual has gone through a very traumatizing event in their life and doesn’t know how to cope with it and move forward. They feel immobilized because their safety has been threatened. Many times the person lives in a constant state of “fight or flight” mode, feeling very unstable and reactive.

Many people associate PTSD with soldiers and other military personnel during times of war, but PTSD can be triggered by a variety of stressful experiences where a person feels helpless or hopeless. These can include:

  • Death of a loved one
  • Job loss
  • Car or plane crash
  • Rape
  • Kidnapping
  • Assault
  • Physical or sexual abuse
  • Terrorist attacks
  • Natural disasters

Symptoms of PTSD

You can tell the difference between a normal response from a person after experiencing a stressful situation, such a job loss, and a person suffering from PTSD, like from the San Bernardino shooting.

It’s normal to have nightmares about the trauma, not stop thinking about it or feel fearful. For most people, these symptoms gradually fade away over time. But for people with PTSD, these symptoms stay and sometimes, intensify. The nervous system gets “stuck” and can’t calm down, hence why these people are always in the “fight or flight” mode.

Other symptoms of PTSD include:

  • Difficulty falling or stay asleep
  • Difficulty focusing or concentrating
  • Irritability or suddenly lashing out
  • Constant anxious thoughts or flashbacks about the event
  • Physical signs of stress when they think about the experience (racing heart, sweating, tense muscles, nausea, rapid breathing or hyperventilation)
  • Loss of interest in normal activities or life
  • Feeling disconnected from loved ones
  • Feeling helpless, hopeless or depressed
  • Feeling jumping and easily startled
  • Feelings of guilt, blame or shame
  • Feelings of betrayal or mistrust
  • Avoids certain places, people or activities surrounding the event
  • Avoids feeling, talking or thinking about the event
  • Suicidal thoughts or feelings

5 Ways to Cope with PTSD

After experiencing a horrific event, like a terrorist attack, you may feel like life will never be the same and you don’t even know how to move forward. But you can overcome your fears and live life again. Recovering from PTSD takes time and effort to get your nervous system back in balance to a pre-trauma state, but it is possible.

Here are five ways to help you cope with your post-traumatic stress disorder:

1. Connect with your body. Exercise has been proven to help not only your physical state but also your mental and emotional well-being. During times when you notice that your fight or flight state has been triggered, like hearing the kickback of a car that reminds you of the sounds of gunshots which sets your mind into a state of panic, get outside for a walk or run. When you get your body moving, you release endorphins that will help to calm you down. By focusing on a physical activity or strenuous exercise routine, you’re allowing your nervous system to slowly become “unstuck.” Try to be very present by noticing the physical sensations you are feeling as you do the exercise, focus directly on what you are doing and allow outside thoughts to pass by, and listen to your breathing.

2. Connect with your loved ones. Many PTSD sufferers feel withdrawn from their family and friends and slowly disengage with them after the shooting or traumatic event, skipping parties or social events, being alone most days, and not staying in contact with people. Support from your loved ones is vital to your recovery. It’s important to push through those negative feelings and talk about the event with those you trust. It’ll help calm down your nervous system and help you regain a sense of safety and comfort again. Allow those that love you to help you and be there for you.

3. Challenge your victim mindset. Once you experience an attack or traumatic event, you may feel like a victim, vulnerable and helpless. But you must remind yourself that you have the ability to overcome your fearful mind and use your coping skills. You are stronger than you think. To help strengthen and reclaim your sense of power, think of activities you can do, like volunteering, donating to your favorite charity, giving blood or just helping a struggling neighbor, friend or family member. You may also consider joining a support group in Oakland, where you can connect with others suffering from PTSD.

4. Take care of yourself. No matter how paralyzing the shooting or event has been for you, you must keep yourself healthy. Try to keep your normal routine for a sense of comfort and familiarity. Eat healthy, nutritious foods, exercise daily, get plenty of rest and sleep, do things you enjoy doing or pick up new hobbies, and avoid drugs and alcohol. To help calm the mind and racing thoughts that replays the shooting over and over again, look into meditation, deep breathing exercises or yoga. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, ask for help around the house or at the office. When people offer you their assistance, take advantage of it. The less you have to worry, the more you can focus on your own healing and recovery.

5. Seek professional help. Sometimes you can only go so far on your own before you need to ask for help. Seeking out a professional therapist does not mean you’re weak or incompetent in dealing with your emotions. Sometimes you need the expertise of a professional trained in the area of PTSD to assist you in facing your fears surrounding the shooting or event that you experienced. Healing Happens Therapy can help you work through your thoughts and feelings, teach you coping mechanisms and address the problems PTSD is causing in your life and relationships.

My heart goes out to the families of the victims and anyone effected by this tragic event. Hoping this blog will support those in need.

Filed Under: self care, self help, stress, therapy Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , ,

5 ways to introduce self care

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Self care is about attempting to find a balance with you and your life, rhythm or schedule.  We must fit it in to have that balance we crave and to live a full life.  So how do you carve out time for you? What helps alleviate you and brings you back to center? Here are a few first steps to figure out how.

1. Edit you brain. (Listen to your self talk.  Is it mean? Is it unforgiving?  Reframe that self talk to aid you and  support you. Write down your reframe and post it on your car dash board or your mirror at home. Be specific.  Ex: I’m a bad housekeeper I never keep things clean! Reframe: I prioritize loving my family and working hard at other things besides cleaning.

2. Slow down. Stop multitasking. Take a moment in silence. Whether its a bath or a 10 minute mediation, take actual time for yourself to do NOTHING. Just listen to your breath going in and out. Turn your phone on silent.  Do not check your phone. You will survive!

3. Eat at least one super good for you meal a day. Feel good about what you  put in your body. Give yourself credit for that healthy meal.

4. Call a friend.  Connect with a trusted source. Talk about how you feel. Listen to them. Share. Connect. Be grateful you have a support system.

5. Hug someone! If you can, get some physical touch. Allow yourself to hug and be hugged. Receive the love and support you deserve.

Filed Under: calm, reframe, self care, self help, self love, slow down Tagged With: , , ,

9 weeks till the New Year!? Making Resolutions

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Just nine weeks left until 2015 enters our lives.  What does that mean for you? You can assign meaning to anything to give you motivation to get things done or turn over anew leaf, so why not New Years? Its a healthy way to monitor yourself. I also use my birthday as one of those times.  Begin to think about what you would like to have in your life, how to get it and what that might mean for you.  You may have to sacrifice something for the greater good or add something into your life’s rhythm. Make some small and some large attempts at changes. Use whatever motivates you, a New year, the Day of your birth, or many other ones that have meaning for you.  Enable yourself to keep growing, checking in and stay aware of your way of life.  Grow Grow Grow!

 

Filed Under: goals, holidays, motivation, new years resolutions, self help Tagged With: , , ,

Fall Special for couples, 10% discount in Oakland, CA

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“Autumn is the mellower season, and what we lose in flowers we more than gain in fruits.”
― Samuel Butler

This month’s quote is a great reminder to us all as we head into a hectic, busy and often stressful holiday season.  This is the perfect time to gain some footing and  prep your self and your relationships for a season of change.  Family dynamics come into play, and financial stressors can ensue with the gift giving practice.  The actual seasons of change affect us whether we believe it or not too.  Oakland and general East bay area weather can be nice most of the time however, here are a few ways to help yourself:

1. Allow  daylight to enter the house.

2. Spend at least half an hour daily outdoors, get some air!

3. Move. Get some exercise even if its taking a walk or dancing in the living room!

4. Eat right.  Hunger and craving for sweets and starches is common in SAD. People eat to beat the blues and many of them become “carbohydrate addicts. ” Alarmed by the weight gain, they start dieting which makes them a “yo-yo weight changer. ” To avoid that, eat balanced meals which are high on complex carbohydrates and protein, and low on fat. Consult a good meals chart and plan a seven-day program which is heavily biased in favor of vegetables, fruits, and grains.

5. Laugh! Watch a movie or a comedy act.

AND THE BEST FOR LAST…

Taking time for ourselves in therapy and being proactive before any angst arrives, is so wise!

Come and see me in Oakland, CA first visit www.healinghappenstherapy.com and call at 510-507-1763

Filed Under: couples, depression, holidays, self help, therapy, weather Tagged With: , , , , ,