Healing Happens Therapy

you can heal, we can help.

Relationship & Intimacy Expert, reconnecting couples through counseling so you can rebuild and get on with the best parts of being in a relationship!

Certified Nutritional Advisor and Professional Life Coach, helping motivated people take back their health, reach their goals and integrate a sense of balance in their lives.

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A Sex Bucket List? Why Every Couple Should Have One

July 30, 2015 by kellymontgomerymft

Sex bucket list (2)Long-term romances bring so much good into your life, but you also know romantic partnership isn’t effortless. When times are tough and your marriage is affected, the first place you tend to notice is in the bedroom. The statistics corroborate the story: From your partnership here in Oakland, to couples all over the country, one in three marriages struggles with a gap in sexual desire.

When you first got married or met your partner, you were probably excited about the prospect of getting physical with your favorite person in the long term. As time wears on, and your partner’s place next to you in bed is a certainty, it’s possible for the sex you’re having to become, well… boring (snooze*).

You want and need the comfort your relationship brings—but there’s a difference between comfort and complacency.

Maybe you’re as attracted as ever to your partner. Whether you and your spouse are having a hard time connecting between the sheets or not, the point is the same: You and your spouse have a lot to gain from a fun sex life.

What better way to find out what turns you on, and tunes you into your partner, than discovering new intimate frontiers together?

Make a sex bucket list

What’s the big missing ingredient in long-time married sex? Generally what feels boring—and predictable—is the lack of the kind of surprise you felt when you were first learning each other’s bodies.

It makes sense: You’re tired after work, and you don’t feel like you have a ton of extra energy to expend on having the kind of sex you did 10 years ago.

A sex bucket list can be a great way to feel excited about new kinds of intimacy, rather than recreating an old reality. You might be surprised to find out that your sexual desires change over time. In other words, you’re still capable of surprising your partner—and yourself (wahoo!*).

Making a sex bucket list together means sitting down and sharing what turns you on—something that isn’t always the easiest to talk about in an open and honest way. Talking about what you want in bed, in terms of ideas, is a great way to minimize the awkwardness: Instead of sharing what you don’t like, you’re sharing what you want more of going forward.

As you start checking sexual experiences off your bucket list, you’ll probably find that you and your partner look at each other a little differently. You laugh more. You feel excited about your marriage again.

Maybe you and your partner already have a great sex life. Physical intimacy is frequent and fun. Yet even you could benefit from carving out time to sit down and talk about where you want your sex to take you.

If you’re having a hard time finding inspiration for your bucket list, start with the title “5 things I want you to do to me in the bedroom.” You might find that your bucket list takes you out of the bedroom altogether.

“Sex” is a simple, one-syllable word belying an infinitely complex experience—sex isn’t one position, or even just the time you spend making love. Sex is what you’re thinking about when your partner touches you. Sex is your fantasies. Sex is about how your spouse makes you feel, and how you feel about your spouse, but sex is also about mechanics. Sometimes a position just doesn’t work for you.

If all this sex business is starting to sound a little dire, don’t worry—this is no dry textbook affair. Remember that sex is great at what it does: Releasing tension, inspiring fun, and pulling you closer into the person who cares about you the most.

Filed Under: sex, sex therapy, sexual intimacy

Stale Sex: Bored in the Bedroom

May 6, 2015 by kellymontgomerymft

stale sex blog

Need some spice? (and no I’m not talking about Oakland’s famous Burma Superstar restaurant, although spice can be an aphrodisiac!)  Are you bored in the bed? Can you predict the very next move your spouse is going to make in the sheets?  Let’s be really honest here.  Long term couples can get caught in a repetitive pattern with their love making, stuck in a rut.  But, sex is (one of?) the best part of being in a couple!  It shouldn’t as hum drum as washing the dishes or running errands.   A healthy marriage has a healthy sex life.  What is a healthy sex life?  Enjoy yourself.  Make sure you have a few of these things in your bed with you:

  1. Playfulness (teasing, laughing, smiling)
  2. Variety (new positions, new places other than the bed)
  3. Nightwear (this goes for you too men! Switch it up, have some great sex with your eyes before you even get undressed! Go ahead and lust after your spouse! )
  4. Props (Even if sex toys are not your thing, a scarf or a feather can go a long way, use your imagination!)
  5. Sultry (Remember in that moment you are not ant other role but “lover.” Don’t be afraid to get seriously into it.)

If you want to learn more call for an appointment,510-507-1763, Kelly Montgomery, LMFT, www.healinghappenstherapy.com

Filed Under: couples, couples counseling, get your sexy back, healthy relationship, sex, sex therapy, sexual intimacy Tagged With: better sex, love and sex, sex therapy, sexual intimacy

The month for love, are YOU my Valentine?

February 3, 2015 by kellymontgomerymft

heart-700141_1280-2

Is he the one? Does she still light your fire? Feeling sluggish on the love front? Not connecting like you used to? Come and check out my Love Series for couples this month. 6 sessions built around rekindling, repairing and growing together in love.  Come in and get your groove on (after you get home!) by learning how to ask for what you need, learning how to receive the nurturing you desire and to build a foundation for a steamy future! www.healinghappenstherapy.com

Filed Under: couples counseling, is he the one, is she the one, sex therapy, sexual intimacy Tagged With: couples counseling, is he the one, light your fire, love and sex, rekindle, sex therapy, sluggish in bed

Appointments can be made by calling at 888-831-5221 , or by filling out the information below:

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Healing Happens Therapy
Kelly Montgomery, LMFT #82418
6333 Telegraph Ave, #200
Oakland CA, 94609

kelly@kellyjmontgomery.com
888-831-5221

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