Healing Happens Therapy

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Relationship & Intimacy Expert, reconnecting couples through counseling so you can rebuild and get on with the best parts of being in a relationship!

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What is Telemental Health Care? The Benefits of Online Therapy

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What is Telemental Health Care? The Benefits of Online Therapy

What a time to be alive! That line may be the stuff of silly memes, but it has a very serious side, too. Rapid changes in how we communicate have significantly changed the field of mental health for the better. Scheduling difficulties, time restraints, and even geographical distance no longer automatically prevent you from working with the therapist of your choice. Thanks to telemental healthcare, the playing field has shifted.

What is Telemental Healthcare?

Sure, therapists have been doing phone sessions in a pinch for years. Today, however, teletherapy is a featured service and this means using a face-to-face video platform. Your device may be:

  • Desktop computer
  • Laptop
  • Tablet
  • Smartphone

What matters is that you’re comfortable with the technology and are able to arrange for a private time. From there, it’s just like any other session with your therapist—without the commute, rush, or barriers created by a disability. The video platform allows important elements like voice inflections and facial gestures to be factored in.

What You Need to Know About Telemental Healthcare

1. Ask your therapist about their experience

Not all counselors are skilled or comfortable using telemental healthcare. Ask questions about their experience. Perhaps try one session first before committing to this format.

2. Talk to your therapist about the video platform being used

Of course, privacy is paramount. Licenced therapist use HIPPA compliant platforms. To keep your information private, make certain the platform is the most secure choice available.

3. Learn about state laws

State licensure and regulations vary from state to state. This could impact your ability to work with your preferred therapist. Clarify all such details with your counselor before beginning.

4. Is it right for you?

If you can easily get to a physical appointment, are you the kind of person for whom this is optimal? Sometimes, to have a specific go-to venue for counseling is part of the benefit. The goal and purpose of telemental healthcare is not merely a convenience. As with all modalities, it’s about recovery and results.

The Benefits of Online Therapy

1. Making the impossible possible

The most obvious benefit is a drastic reduction in scheduling obstacles. For example, if your job takes you temporarily from Oakland to Los Angeles, or you work a different schedule like a fireman, it no longer means you will go without therapy during that time. Of course, telemental healthcare is especially important for those with a disability that makes traveling a challenge.

2. Countering the stigma

We’ve come a long way, but the stigma of therapy can still exist for some. Even today, individuals can face family or work pressure surrounding their choice to seek therapy. Scheduling a location other than a therapist’s office may provide privacy and peace of mind.

3. It may coincide with your specific needs

You may, for example, be seeking therapy due to depression or severe social anxiety. These circumstances quite possibly could make it daunting for you to commit to a regular appointment outside your home. “Teletherapy,” in such cases, is an ideal entry point for moving towards recovery.

How to Connect with an Online Therapist

Telemental healthcare is a relatively new approach. As touched on above, it has unique requirements. Therefore, those seeking to try this method must choose carefully. Equally so, tele-therapists must wisely discern which patients are best able to adapt to the video platform. To learn more, and perhaps get started in the realm of telemental healthcare, contact Healing Happens Therapy for a free consultation.

Filed Under: balance, calm, communication, couples counseling, depression, divorce, family, goals, health, healthy relationship, infidelity, men's couseling, new years resolutions, parenting, purpose, reframe, self care, self help, self love, stress, therapy, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

Are You Good at Dealing with Conflict?

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Are You Good at Dealing with Conflict? // healinghappenstherapy.com

Conflict will always be a part of our lives – personally and professionally. There will always be stress and tension at home and in the workplace. It’s a natural occurrence between human interaction in relationships and groups.

However, many people get highly distressed when conflict arises and will do anything to stop it, avoid it or just ignore it. It’s because they never learned how to deal with problems and their emotions that come with it. When someone opposes or argues against what we’re doing or saying, we may feel threatened, angry, anxious or stressed.

But it’s important to know that there are two kinds of conflict: healthy and unhealthy. One works for us and the other works against us.

Healthy Conflict

Healthy conflict allows us to grow, move forward and come to an understanding or comprising result for both parties in a win-win situation. When we practice respect, fairness and make an effort with the other person, it helps to strengthen the relationship so we become closer to each other. Try to participate as a team to work through the conflict and have the mindset that both parties are equals and coming together to solve a problem.

When trying to resolve conflict in a healthy way, allow yourself to think rationally and be proactive instead of being reactive. Use creative thinking and open-mindedness to come to a fair resolution that will benefit both each person. Work towards being productive, not playing the “blame game.”

Unhealthy Conflict

Unhealthy conflict is the exact opposite of healthy conflict. A person may take things personally, attack the other person and show no signs of respect. They aren’t moving forward to finding a fair resolution for both parties or making an effort to work together. They argue aggressively with the other person, which is counterproductive because then they’re just spinning in circles as they go back and forth and no one gets anywhere. It doesn’t move the two people towards to a compromising solution.

People in unhealthy conflicts usually avoid problems and refuse to work through them. They don’t want to be bothered with the drama and do not care to participate in finding or creating a solution. These people may also like to manipulate others, place blame on others, or easily get upset and walk away. Their avoidance or disregard for the problem at hand can damage the relationship.

Benefits of Conflict

While it may not be something that anyone wants to do, facing the drama in life and addressing the conflicts with certain people will have many benefits in the long run. Healthy conflict can actually help people grow, create deeper bonds and improve relationships.

When people take the first step to deal with these negative emotions brought on by someone else and work through them, they will:

  • Grow closer together because they’re working through their differences with each other, understanding the other person and clarifying each of their needs and values.
  • Value the other’s perspective better. They don’t have to always agree with the other person, but they should try to understand where the person is coming from and see their viewpoint on the situation. They’ll begin to notice the differences each person has and recognize how differently their minds work.
  • Learn how to fight fair and respect the other person. Keep respect in mind while working through a problem so no one will be tempted to start name-calling, cursing, throwing insults at each other or bring up every problem that’s ever occurred. Approach the conflict with a curious mindset and stay on topic and not get distracted from past conflicts. Instead of becoming defensive with their own viewpoint, they’ll be more interested in what the other person has to say.
  • Own their part in the conflict. When they argue with someone, it’s a two-way street. Both people are part of the problem. When they realize that they play a part in the conflict as much as the other person, they’ll start to think of ways to contribute to the resolution. They’ll take ownership of their role in the problem and help to improve the situation.
  • Improve their listening skills. When they give their undivided attention and take the time to really listen to the other person, they’re giving the other person the space to open up to you and trust them. They should try to refrain from making any interruptions, remarks, or judgements while the other person is speaking. They just want to be fully present for the other person and allow them to express their thoughts and feelings.

How to Deal with Conflict

Here are five healthy ways to deal with conflict:

  1. Make time to talk. Ask the other person when a good time would be to talk about the conflict. If they are busy, ask to make an appointment with them and get on their calendar. It will only hurt the relationship to keep feelings and emotions bottled up. People need to release that anxiety, tension or fear and talk through things with the other person. It’s also best to deal with the conflict as soon as it arises and not push it aside to a later date. The sooner the problem is dealt with, the better off both parties will be.
  1. Express our thoughts and feelings. Each person should use “I” statements when talking with the other, like “I feel,” “I want,” “I need,” or “I wish.” Try to refrain from using accusatory statements, like “you did this,” or “this is your fault,” or “you were wrong.” When we speak from our hearts, the other person will begin to see our perspective and understand us better.
  1. Putting ourselves in the other person’s shoes. If we act as if we are the other person and describe how we’re feeling, then the other person can agree, disagree or clarify things for us. We’ll gain a better understanding of their viewpoint and be able to work together easily.
  1. Be clear and specific with our wants and needs. We can’t expect the other person to read our mind, so we must express to them what we want or need from them to work through this conflict. When we’re direct and explicit, we’re giving the person a chance to meet our requests.
  1. Talk with a therapist. Sometimes it’s nice to have an objective third party enter the picture, such as Healing Happens Therapy in Oakland. They have the professional background and expertise to help us resolve our conflicts. Even if we go to therapy for years on end that doesn’t mean we’ll never argue again or come across any kind of conflict. The point of going to therapy and learning how to effectively communicate is to figure out how to weather the storms quicker, more efficiently, and move on.

Dealing with conflict will be tailored to our personalities. We don’t have to become someone else. If we feel like we’re an introvert, we can figure out how to make it possible to resolve things the way that works best for us.

Conflict isn’t a bad thing; it’s a reality. And knowing how to navigate that part of life is a true gem.

Filed Under: arguing, couples counseling, stress Tagged With: , , ,

How to Alleviate Stress During the Holidays

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How to Alleviate Stress During the Holidays // healinghappenstherapy.com

Even before you open your eyes in the morning, before your body fully wakes up, your mind is already in full force, thinking about everything you have to check off on your To Do list for the day, including all the extra things you have to do for the holidays. Sound familiar?

You may already live a busy, bustling life but then throw in the holidays and the stress levels can become quite overwhelming. There’s so much to do and so little time!

If you feel like you’re drowning during the holidays, then you’re not the only one. The holiday season can be very chaotic – trying to remember every person you need to buy a gift for, shopping for everyone on your list, fighting the heavy traffic and crowds in Oakland, cooking or baking everyone’s favorite dishes and desserts, planning and hosting holiday parties, sending out Christmas cards, and trying to spend time with your family. Whew! It’s exhausting!

10 Easy Ways to Reduce Holiday Stress

However, it doesn’t have to be such a hectic time of year. There are ways you can reduce the holiday stress and actually enjoy the merry season. Follow these 10 easy tips to help calm your nerves:

  1. Set a budget. The biggest stress surrounding the holiday season is the gift-giving aspect. Many people have financial restraints and worry about racking up credit card debt or finding the extra funds to do all their gift shopping. Plan ahead and set a budget. It could be per person or total for the whole season, but it will help alleviate a lot of stress and worry about your finances.
  1. Focus on your regular routine. With all the extra commitments, errands and tasks you do for the holidays, it’s easy to get off your normal routine. But try not to. Keep eating healthy, nutritious food, exercising daily, getting plenty of sleep, taking any supplements or vitamins and giving yourself time to rest and relax. It’ll feel like you have more control and give you the energy you need to keep up with everything. You’ll notice that it’s when you stray from the routine, you’ll start to feel fatigued and stressed.
  1. Practice time management. Plan out your days, weeks or even months leading up to the big day. Essentially, make a roadmap. If you’re a visual person, try actually writing out your list of things to do and holiday events in a planner, or use one of many free project/task management programs online, like MeisterTask, Asana or Trello. Scheduling everything out will keep you organized, focused and less frazzled.
  1. Make time for your family. Even with all the craziness going on, be sure to make quality time throughout the months to just be with your family and friends. This can include baking holiday treats, watching your favorite Christmas movie, listening to Christmas music as you decorate the house, going to the mall to see Santa, or just eating dinner together every night. And during this precious time, try to turn off all electronic devices for the evening, or just a couple hours at the very least, to give your undivided attention to your loved ones.
  1. Exercise. One of the best ways to reduce your stress is to get your body moving. Whether you get outside in the sunshine for a walk or hit the local gym, working out your muscles and body is a great way to induce endorphin release and stimulate the production of serotonin that make you naturally feel good and keep you happy.
  1. Just say “No!” Sometimes, you can’t do it all. That’s life. Learn to say “no” and don’t over-commit yourself. You may have to forgo a friend’s holiday party or step away from the kitchen this year and not make those cookies. Protect your valuable time and spend it where it’s truly needed. It’s not selfish to think about yourself. If you don’t take of yourself, how can you expect to take care of everyone else? Only commit to things that you know you can accommodate in your schedule.
  1. Get rid of traditions. It is possible to outgrow a tradition, especially when you feel like a slave to it. If you don’t enjoy a tradition any longer and it feels more like a chore than something fun to do, then ditch it for a new tradition. Or, if you’re not ready to fully get rid of it, find a way to improve it – make it cheaper, faster, easier, or better. When you’re loving what you do, you’ll enjoy your time doing it even more. You’ll begin to cherish that time and even look forward to the tradition.
  1. Learn to delegate and ask for help. You don’t have to be a superhero and do everything yourself. It’s okay to delegate simple, tedious tasks or ask for help from your loved ones or co-workers. Learn to let go and let others assist you. You don’t always have to be in control of everything. It will help save you a lot of time and energy for more important, bigger tasks. When the stress becomes too great and you need help managing it, Healing Happens Therapy can help guide you through the holidays.
  1. Be present in the moment. When you’re swept up in the busyness of it all and feel overwhelmed, in that moment, remember to stop and breathe; become very present. If you notice your breathing is short and shallow, then your anxiety levels are likely rising and it’s time for a break. Even if it’s just two minutes, focusing on your breath will help you to calm down, get out of your head and release the tension.
  1. Make time for yourself. It’s okay to hit the pause button during the season to rejuvenate yourself. You deserve to enjoy the holidays, too. Take some time to de-stress and do the things you enjoy doing: meditation, deep breathing exercises, yoga, take a bubble bath, reflect on the year, practice gratitude, write or journal, paint, sew, watch a funny movie or take a nap. If you really want to indulge, book a spa day, plan a girls’ day out with your friends, or schedule a date night with your partner. Self-care is equally important during the holiday season.

But most importantly, enjoy yourself and have fun!

Happy Holidays!

Filed Under: holidays, self care, stress Tagged With: , , , ,

How to Cope with PTSD After the San Bernardino Terrorist Attack

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How to Cope with PTSD After the San Bernardino Terrorist Attack // healinghappenstheraphy.com

On December 2, 2015, married couple, Syed Rizwan Farook and Tashfeen Malik, opened-fired in the Inland Regional Center in San Bernardino, California, killing 14 people and leaving 21 others wounded. This mass shooting has been one of many terrorist attacks in the news lately.

This kind of unthinkable horror can leave the victims, their family and friends and the community in a state of shock, panic and distress, that possibly could lead to Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

It’s normal to feel scared, sad, anxious or paranoid after a traumatic experience, like the mass shooting. It may take some time to calm down from the event and cope with what happened. However, when you’re unable to let the thoughts go, calm your nerves or move on, then you may be experiencing PTSD.

What is PTSD?

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder occurs when an individual has gone through a very traumatizing event in their life and doesn’t know how to cope with it and move forward. They feel immobilized because their safety has been threatened. Many times the person lives in a constant state of “fight or flight” mode, feeling very unstable and reactive.

Many people associate PTSD with soldiers and other military personnel during times of war, but PTSD can be triggered by a variety of stressful experiences where a person feels helpless or hopeless. These can include:

  • Death of a loved one
  • Job loss
  • Car or plane crash
  • Rape
  • Kidnapping
  • Assault
  • Physical or sexual abuse
  • Terrorist attacks
  • Natural disasters

Symptoms of PTSD

You can tell the difference between a normal response from a person after experiencing a stressful situation, such a job loss, and a person suffering from PTSD, like from the San Bernardino shooting.

It’s normal to have nightmares about the trauma, not stop thinking about it or feel fearful. For most people, these symptoms gradually fade away over time. But for people with PTSD, these symptoms stay and sometimes, intensify. The nervous system gets “stuck” and can’t calm down, hence why these people are always in the “fight or flight” mode.

Other symptoms of PTSD include:

  • Difficulty falling or stay asleep
  • Difficulty focusing or concentrating
  • Irritability or suddenly lashing out
  • Constant anxious thoughts or flashbacks about the event
  • Physical signs of stress when they think about the experience (racing heart, sweating, tense muscles, nausea, rapid breathing or hyperventilation)
  • Loss of interest in normal activities or life
  • Feeling disconnected from loved ones
  • Feeling helpless, hopeless or depressed
  • Feeling jumping and easily startled
  • Feelings of guilt, blame or shame
  • Feelings of betrayal or mistrust
  • Avoids certain places, people or activities surrounding the event
  • Avoids feeling, talking or thinking about the event
  • Suicidal thoughts or feelings

5 Ways to Cope with PTSD

After experiencing a horrific event, like a terrorist attack, you may feel like life will never be the same and you don’t even know how to move forward. But you can overcome your fears and live life again. Recovering from PTSD takes time and effort to get your nervous system back in balance to a pre-trauma state, but it is possible.

Here are five ways to help you cope with your post-traumatic stress disorder:

1. Connect with your body. Exercise has been proven to help not only your physical state but also your mental and emotional well-being. During times when you notice that your fight or flight state has been triggered, like hearing the kickback of a car that reminds you of the sounds of gunshots which sets your mind into a state of panic, get outside for a walk or run. When you get your body moving, you release endorphins that will help to calm you down. By focusing on a physical activity or strenuous exercise routine, you’re allowing your nervous system to slowly become “unstuck.” Try to be very present by noticing the physical sensations you are feeling as you do the exercise, focus directly on what you are doing and allow outside thoughts to pass by, and listen to your breathing.

2. Connect with your loved ones. Many PTSD sufferers feel withdrawn from their family and friends and slowly disengage with them after the shooting or traumatic event, skipping parties or social events, being alone most days, and not staying in contact with people. Support from your loved ones is vital to your recovery. It’s important to push through those negative feelings and talk about the event with those you trust. It’ll help calm down your nervous system and help you regain a sense of safety and comfort again. Allow those that love you to help you and be there for you.

3. Challenge your victim mindset. Once you experience an attack or traumatic event, you may feel like a victim, vulnerable and helpless. But you must remind yourself that you have the ability to overcome your fearful mind and use your coping skills. You are stronger than you think. To help strengthen and reclaim your sense of power, think of activities you can do, like volunteering, donating to your favorite charity, giving blood or just helping a struggling neighbor, friend or family member. You may also consider joining a support group in Oakland, where you can connect with others suffering from PTSD.

4. Take care of yourself. No matter how paralyzing the shooting or event has been for you, you must keep yourself healthy. Try to keep your normal routine for a sense of comfort and familiarity. Eat healthy, nutritious foods, exercise daily, get plenty of rest and sleep, do things you enjoy doing or pick up new hobbies, and avoid drugs and alcohol. To help calm the mind and racing thoughts that replays the shooting over and over again, look into meditation, deep breathing exercises or yoga. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, ask for help around the house or at the office. When people offer you their assistance, take advantage of it. The less you have to worry, the more you can focus on your own healing and recovery.

5. Seek professional help. Sometimes you can only go so far on your own before you need to ask for help. Seeking out a professional therapist does not mean you’re weak or incompetent in dealing with your emotions. Sometimes you need the expertise of a professional trained in the area of PTSD to assist you in facing your fears surrounding the shooting or event that you experienced. Healing Happens Therapy can help you work through your thoughts and feelings, teach you coping mechanisms and address the problems PTSD is causing in your life and relationships.

My heart goes out to the families of the victims and anyone effected by this tragic event. Hoping this blog will support those in need.

Filed Under: self care, self help, stress, therapy Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Fighting & Arguing the Right Way

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Angry much-Fighting right? Yes arguing the right way can be good!

We all do it. Yes even that perfect couple you just thought of, that lives in that perfect house in the Oakland Hills, with their perfect life- they do it too. They probably just do it better than you.  Want to learn how to fight and have it be productive? Check these tips out and come in for some training on how to use anger and frustration to your benefit as a couple. www.healinghappenstherapy.com.

1.Take turns. (Don’t talk over each other, you’ll just go in circles)

2. Repeat what you heard. (This one is hard because you are thinking about your side and your story- try your best, use their words).

3. Make sure it honestly makes sense to you. (You don’t have to agree- just check in and make sure you get what they are saying. Being confused is no fun.)

4. Guess what they might be feeling. (Pretend this isn’t your spouse but someone else telling you this story-If you were in their shoes, what would you guess they might be going through? This builds some empathy.)

5. Repeat (Make sure you get a turn to speak and be heard as well as listen.)

6. Touch (If you can, if you feel safe enough, hold hands or link arms, something simple to build the connection.)

Happy fighting!

Filed Under: arguing, Berkeley, communication, couples, couples counseling, healthy relationship, Oakland, stress, touching Tagged With: , , ,

Stress doesn’t Discriminate

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Even when we think we are doing it right, sometimes we can still be looking through a veil.  Taking good enough care of ourselves means listening to our bodies and then managing our behavior around  what we hear it tells us.

Stress doesn’t discriminate.  Jennifer Lopez shares her experience here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/11/04/jennifer-lopez-true-love_n_6101282.html

Filed Under: burnout, famous people, jennifer lopez, self care, stress Tagged With: , , ,