Fighting right? Yes arguing the right way can be good!
We all do it. Yes even that perfect couple you just thought of, that lives in that perfect house in the Oakland Hills, with their perfect life- they do it too. They probably just do it better than you. Want to learn how to fight and have it be productive? Check these tips out and come in for some training on how to use anger and frustration to your benefit as a couple. www.healinghappenstherapy.com.
1.Take turns. (Don’t talk over each other, you’ll just go in circles)
2. Repeat what you heard. (This one is hard because you are thinking about your side and your story- try your best, use their words).
3. Make sure it honestly makes sense to you. (You don’t have to agree- just check in and make sure you get what they are saying. Being confused is no fun.)
4. Guess what they might be feeling. (Pretend this isn’t your spouse but someone else telling you this story-If you were in their shoes, what would you guess they might be going through? This builds some empathy.)
5. Repeat (Make sure you get a turn to speak and be heard as well as listen.)
6. Touch (If you can, if you feel safe enough, hold hands or link arms, something simple to build the connection.)