Healing Happens Therapy

you can heal, we can help.

Relationship & Intimacy Expert, reconnecting couples through counseling so you can rebuild and get on with the best parts of being in a relationship!

Certified Nutritional Advisor and Professional Life Coach, helping motivated people take back their health, reach their goals and integrate a sense of balance in their lives.

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Does Online Therapy for Couples Really Work? Yes! Here’s Why

March 28, 2018 by kellymontgomerymft

Mention online therapy for couples and you may face resistance or dislike. Mention online dating and the reaction will typically be more positive. Yep, Internet culture sees us regularly consulting YouTube to “solve” daily problems but many folks remain skeptical of online couples counseling. Let’s recap:

We can connect with someone online in such a way that we commit to a life together.
We trust uploaded videos to help us with virtually every aspect of life.
But we give the side-eye to online therapy for couples.
It’s time to see this situation with new eyes. But first, let’s back up and set the stage.

Why Couples Counseling?
No couple is immune from conflict nor should they be. It’s a big part of growth and evolving compatibility. However, a struggle becomes a war when the lines of communication blur or our sex life becomes nonexistent. Committing, as a team, to regular therapy sessions brings you both so many results, e.g.

A safe space to open up—especially about topics you normally avoid
The benefit of an unbiased professional guide
A new awareness of who you are and who your partner is
Re-booting the passion and excitement that initially brought you together
New, improved communication skills
Building a new and even stronger foundation from which to grow as a couple
In many ways, online therapy is quite similar to traditional counseling in terms of aiming for and attaining such results. However, it offers couples some very unique options and benefits.

Below is a brief look at these differences. For more details, it’s best to speak with a licensed online therapist.

How Does Online Therapy for Couples Work?

1. It Breaks the Mold
Thanks to pop culture, the reflexive image of couples counseling is not always positive. We see unhappy couples hating every minute of a dull, ugly, and ineffective experience. While this utterly inaccurate portrayal helps no one, there is a way to navigate around its fallout. Online sessions can change our perception and therefore, change our ability to reach results.

2. Convenience and Pricing
No commute, no travel costs, no parking issues, not having to get out of your comfy sweats—these are just a few of the convenience factors. Life is full, money is tight, and there never seems to be enough hours in the day. Even so, we need help. Choosing video sessions goes a long way in easing this experience into your weekly plans. I even have several couples who do what I affectionately now call “car therapy” where they use their lunch break for a session and fit their mental health in midday!

3. Privacy and Lack of Stigma
Few of us like to admit any vulnerability. In addition, we like to keep our personal life private. Not physically entering a facility enables us to seek help without any exterior concerns.

4. It Can be Combined With Individual Counseling and Coaching
The issues that bring us to couples counseling often correlate to the personal issues of each partner. This is why it’s often suggested to combine individual therapy with couples counseling. Online sessions make this possible and, of course, bring with them all the advantages discussed here.

5. It Locks in Your Communication Skills
The format of video sessions demands more of our attention and thus, more of our communication skills. The foundation of connection and recovery is healthy communication. Online therapy for couples—by definition—keeps the focus on tight communication in every session.

 

Get More Information
When a breakthrough occurs, it’s not always obvious. Sometimes, it seems counter-intuitive. Online therapy for couples is the wave of the future but we don’t always recognize that the future has arrived. The key? Self-education. Gather evidence. Arm yourself with information. Then make the best decision for you.

To learn more about online therapy and coaching —including options and discounts—contact Healing Happens Therapy and Coaching now for a free consultation!

Filed Under: Uncategorized

6 Ways an Online Coach Can Satisfy Your Craving for Body Confidence & Nutritional Guidance

March 13, 2018 by kellymontgomerymft

  1. Convenience
    You want to feel better, and look better but have tried on your own and find yourself starting over and over. Feeling overwhelmed by it all, it’s not always easy or even possible with all of life and work to set up in-person appointments for help. An online coach removes that issue from the equation. From there, you can focus on what matters and relax into your growth.
  2. Privacy and Peace of Mind
    Being in the comfort of your home is huge. It truly helps with integration too. All the things you learn are then associated with accessibility and not some far off office of someone else’s. For a wide variety of reasons, we may wish to keep our personal work private. Not having to actually be present at a facility is a great first step. In addition, your online coach will use only the safest, most private forms of communication.
  3. Catering to Your Specific Needs
    Some of us may have physical or emotional conditions that make it arduous to adhere to a regular schedule of in-person meetings. In other cases, work or family obligations may leave little free time for ourselves. By eliminating the commute, online coaching allows you to use your me-time to bring out the best in you. Hair bun and sweats? Perfect!
  4. Expertise
    A qualified coach is your guide to the sometimes confusing world of habits, nutrition, workouts, self-care, setting and reaching goals. Take the guesswork and frustration out of your eating choices and daily routines. With one on one sessions and 24-hour email contact, you will be in steady contact with the support you deserve.
  5. Extra Help and Support
    Online coaching is not limited to the video sessions themselves. (See below for more details.)
  6. Affordability
    There are obvious factors that make online coaching more cost-efficient. Each case is unique but the details are just an email or phone call away.

How Does One Get Started in the Brave New World of Online Coaching?
Not just any therapist is experienced and qualified in Teletherapy. At Healing Happens Therapy and Coaching, Kelly Montgomery, LMFT is available for both online coaching and online therapy. This service satisfies all the above-mentioned factors. It also includes:

Virtual “Office Hours” where Kelly is available for free 10-minute check-in calls
24/7 availability via email to answer questions and offer strategic advice to make sure you take consistent action and receive the highest value.
That extra help and support are priceless to help build healthy habits, maintain growth through the week, and make lasting changes. To learn more about options and discounts, contact us right away for a free consultation!

Filed Under: Uncategorized

What is Telemental Health Care? The Benefits of Online Therapy

January 3, 2018 by kellymontgomerymft

What is Telemental Health Care? The Benefits of Online Therapy

What a time to be alive! That line may be the stuff of silly memes, but it has a very serious side, too. Rapid changes in how we communicate have significantly changed the field of mental health for the better. Scheduling difficulties, time restraints, and even geographical distance no longer automatically prevent you from working with the therapist of your choice. Thanks to telemental healthcare, the playing field has shifted.

What is Telemental Healthcare?

Sure, therapists have been doing phone sessions in a pinch for years. Today, however, teletherapy is a featured service and this means using a face-to-face video platform. Your device may be:

  • Desktop computer
  • Laptop
  • Tablet
  • Smartphone

What matters is that you’re comfortable with the technology and are able to arrange for a private time. From there, it’s just like any other session with your therapist—without the commute, rush, or barriers created by a disability. The video platform allows important elements like voice inflections and facial gestures to be factored in.

What You Need to Know About Telemental Healthcare

1. Ask your therapist about their experience

Not all counselors are skilled or comfortable using telemental healthcare. Ask questions about their experience. Perhaps try one session first before committing to this format.

2. Talk to your therapist about the video platform being used

Of course, privacy is paramount. Licenced therapist use HIPPA compliant platforms. To keep your information private, make certain the platform is the most secure choice available.

3. Learn about state laws

State licensure and regulations vary from state to state. This could impact your ability to work with your preferred therapist. Clarify all such details with your counselor before beginning.

4. Is it right for you?

If you can easily get to a physical appointment, are you the kind of person for whom this is optimal? Sometimes, to have a specific go-to venue for counseling is part of the benefit. The goal and purpose of telemental healthcare is not merely a convenience. As with all modalities, it’s about recovery and results.

The Benefits of Online Therapy

1. Making the impossible possible

The most obvious benefit is a drastic reduction in scheduling obstacles. For example, if your job takes you temporarily from Oakland to Los Angeles, or you work a different schedule like a fireman, it no longer means you will go without therapy during that time. Of course, telemental healthcare is especially important for those with a disability that makes traveling a challenge.

2. Countering the stigma

We’ve come a long way, but the stigma of therapy can still exist for some. Even today, individuals can face family or work pressure surrounding their choice to seek therapy. Scheduling a location other than a therapist’s office may provide privacy and peace of mind.

3. It may coincide with your specific needs

You may, for example, be seeking therapy due to depression or severe social anxiety. These circumstances quite possibly could make it daunting for you to commit to a regular appointment outside your home. “Teletherapy,” in such cases, is an ideal entry point for moving towards recovery.

How to Connect with an Online Therapist

Telemental healthcare is a relatively new approach. As touched on above, it has unique requirements. Therefore, those seeking to try this method must choose carefully. Equally so, tele-therapists must wisely discern which patients are best able to adapt to the video platform. To learn more, and perhaps get started in the realm of telemental healthcare, contact Healing Happens Therapy for a free consultation.

Filed Under: balance, calm, communication, couples counseling, depression, divorce, family, goals, health, healthy relationship, infidelity, men's couseling, new years resolutions, parenting, purpose, reframe, self care, self help, self love, stress, therapy, Uncategorized Tagged With: communication, couples counseling, couples therapy, empowerment, life coaching, mental health, self care, self love, support, telemental

From Infidelity to Intimacy. Why it’s Possible How to Get There.

October 24, 2017 by kellymontgomerymft

Intimacy between partners evolves naturally. There are many good and exciting reasons for this. Unfortunately, in some cases, loss of intimacy can come about due to a crisis like an infidelity. There is too much guilt, shame, anger, doubt, and uncertainty to even contemplate intimacy.

At first, this will likely be the case. However, if you are part of a couple who opted to stay together, this issue will ease back into your daily consciousness in time.

Is Intimacy Possible After Infidelity?

The short answer is “yes.” The longer answer depends on each couple—their foundation, goals, and individual personalities. It also is rooted in how couples define and express intimacy. Our society might lump it all under the decidedly un-helpful label of “having sex.” In reality, we all know intimacy is an evolving, eye-of-the-beholder concept.

Intimacy can be broken into these broad categories:

  • Intellectual
  • Spiritual
  • Emotional
  • Financial
  • Recreational
  • Physical

Within each of these categories, the variations are endless. For the purposes of this post, we’ll focus physical intimacy. As you’ll see, however, they tend to blur into each other!

How to Move Towards Post-Infidelity Intimacy

1. Start with communication

Even if infidelity were not a factor, you’d start with communication. But since a betrayal has occurred, this becomes doubly important. Schedule time to talk about your feelings and needs. Make sure you listen and make sure you’re heard.

2. Laugh together

It’s been said that shared laughter is erotic. This option encompasses almost all the intimacy forms listed above. Get back to having fun. It helps re-connect you and goes a long way to bringing back the spark and desire. Make a date for a night at Comedy Oakland!

3. Don’t rely on pornography to “jump start” things

Internet porn does not encourage intimacy. It does quite the opposite. Your intimate life is your own to invent, re-invent, and define. Steer clear of extreme imagery and scripted action. Allow your imaginations to conjure up new ideas and directions.

4. Don’t relegate “foreplay” to a side note

We’re often conditioned to see intercourse and orgasm as sexual goals. Without them, it’s not sex. As you transition back into intimacy, let go of such conditioning. Use this as an opportunity to learn and grow.

5. Appreciate the “little” things

Holding hands, a gentle touch, sustained eye contact, or a kiss on the forehead—the list is infinite. Don’t overlook or underestimate the role these moments and gestures of intimacy play in your reconnection. After infidelity, it’s not a countdown to how soon you get naked. It’s an endless journey of small steps. Appreciate each one.

6. Maintain an open mind

Intimacy is not a destination. It’s a process. Like any process, it requires your attention and flexibility. It’s important to set boundaries. However, remain open to other’s needs and desires.

7. Be patient

A painful betrayal occurred. To act as if it is easy to bounce back is counterproductive. Do not set any deadlines or create any more pressure than already exists.

Seeking Help to Make the Commitment

There are many variables that can influence a couple impacted by betrayal. One universal factor is confusion. Where do we start? What if I change my mind and need more time? How do I know if he’s thinking about me or the affair partner

All of these (and much more) are valid questions that may require guidance when seeking answers. That’s why, so often, the two partners commit to couples counseling. Those weekly sessions are where everything is brought out in the open. In such an environment, the transition from infidelity to intimacy becomes possible.

Filed Under: Affair, Uncategorized

6 Ways to Calm the Negative Effects of Anxiety On Your Weight

October 3, 2017 by kellymontgomerymft

Sometimes, just saying the word “anxiety” causes anxiety. As a condition, it’s serious and real and increasingly common. Here just a few of many effects anxiety can have on us:

  • Sleep and/or digestive issues
  • Restlessness, difficulty concentrating
  • Sweating, trembling, rapid breathing, increased heart rate
  • Overwhelming sense of danger and panic
  • Muscle weakness and tension
  • Out of control worry
  • Avoidance of social situations
  • Unexplained weight gain

Weight issues? On some level, we know such a connection exists. But it’s not automatically connected to anxiety. Everything else on the list is a textbook anxiety symptom. Unexplained weight gain (or loss) requires a little more exploration.

How anxiety negatively impacts our weight

  • Experiencing stress and anxiety often sends us into a subconscious but desperate search for ways to ease the discomfort. Overeating is a common example. When we consume large amounts of food in a short time period, we (very) temporarily create a sense of relief.

 

  • In other cases, anxiety causes an increase of cortisol in our bodies. Cortisol is a stress hormone with the unfortunate side effects of causing increased fat storage around the midsection.

 

  • A third component is physical inactivity. Anxiety can figuratively paralyze us. When we feel utterly overwhelmed, we often choose to do nothing. Meanwhile, our bodies crave movement. The lack of movement is shown to contribute towards weight gain.

6 Ways to Calm the Negative Effects of Anxiety On Your Weight

1. Start and follow a program of regular self-care

Any body-focused effort begins with the basics. There are eating and exercise habits but they’ll each get their own listing. Besides that, you have:

  • Regular sleeping patterns: The importance of steady, healthy sleep can never be overstated. Not only can proper sleep help when dealing with anxiety, it’s also been shown to prevent weight gain. Our bodies regenerate in sleep, give everything a fighting chance and go to bed!

 

  • Relaxation techniques: From yoga to Tai Chi to meditation to breathing exercises and beyond—this is a foundational form of self-care.

2. Educate yourself about healthier eating choices

It’s not easy to simply stop binge eating. An important first step is to focus on the foods from which you seek comfort. Whether you do the research yourself or you seek the help of a nutritional expert, it’s essential to know what fuel you need.

3. Get active and stay active

Being active helps us burn calories and release those exercise endorphins. We address anxiety and weight issues in one shot. Imagine using a climbing session at Great Western Power Co. in Oakland as a replacement for eating in moments of high stress.

4. Learn to recognize your triggers

Journaling comes in handy here. Keep track of what events, scenarios, environments, and people trigger you. Also, keep track of your reaction to such triggers. This record will help you avoid and/or manage situations that provoke binge eating.

5. Practice mindfulness

Living in the moment helps us detach from regrets about the past and fears about the future. In the present, we can feel less anxiety and discover deeper perspectives. Always go back to the breath, check your body for cues that you want to relax more.

6. Re-examine your needs vs. society’s norms

Not all weight gain is something to be “fixed.” Society embeds many unhealthy forms of self-image. It’s always a good idea to take time to contemplate your wants and needs vs. manufactured wants and needs.

Healing from the inside out

Contemplating anxiety and weight issues are daunting. In fact, such a contemplation can help feed the anxiety cycle. If this is the case, you may wish you could find someone who’ll listen and understand and offer guidance. Meet with a therapist who also works on body-related issues as a productive first step. Anxiety is best addressed from a mind-body perspective. Counseling this way is effective and self-empowering.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

How You & Your Partner Can Set Reachable Goals Together

September 19, 2017 by kellymontgomerymft

In a relationship, loving each other is obviously important. But there’s another form of love to consider. What about loving other things together? You can share interests, try new adventures, and set couple goals. This enables you to evolve and grow as a team. Never forget that love often endures but compatibility is far more fluid.

Why are goals important?

Life seems to move faster by the day. It’s easy to lose sight of the long term. Yes, living in the moment is a healthy choice. But no, that doesn’t mean we don’t plan for the future. It doesn’t mean we don’t get excited about the future. As a couple, working together towards a goal is one of the most important forms of bonding.

Goals keep you:

  • Focused and motivated
  • Locked in as a couple
  • Aware of your progress
  • Striving to be the best versions of you
  • Compatible

In the process of achieving a goal, you learn more about yourself as an individual. You also learn more about your relationship. You reach more on a collective mission. At night, you go to bed knowing you did the work…together.

6 Ways You and Your Partner Can Set Reachable Goals Together

1. Take your time in choosing goals

Some wants are fleeting and temporary. Some are more of a desire for one. Choosing a reachable couple goal is not something to be rushed. It’s not that you can’t change or modify goals. But it is important to be on the same page when you start.

2. Don’t be too quick to compromise

One of the hallmarks of a healthy relationship is compromise. This is a big part of goal-setting. But there are compromises and then there are compromises! Be cautious to not take one for the team if you are changing some of your personal requirements.

3. Write a mission statement

If steps one and two have you stuck, it’s time for a big picture view. Set aside time to work on your relationship mission statement. What brought you together and kept you there? Where are you now and where do you want to be?

4. Get specific

“More money” is not an actual goal. Practice visualizing. Make detailed outlines and lists. Create a sequence of small goals leading to a giant one.

5. Consider both long term and short term goals

Not all goals are created equal — and that’s a good thing. Some goals, in fact, contain more than one time frame. You’re in this for the long term but want to enjoy the present. Let your goals reflect both.

6. Plan your celebrations!

What fun is attaining a couple goal without the celebration? And what’s a celebration without some spice? Getting to your first goal is an excellent excuse for a couples creative date. Create the “carrot” you can work for.

7. “See” things five years from now

Before finalizing your first goal or set of goals, try a couple of exercises. First, imagine you and your partner are writing a couples’ memoir. How would you describe this time period? Are you still living in Oakland? How many chapters would be needed to explain these goals being reached? Another idea: Think of a close mutual friend. Now see yourself running into that friend in five years. Hear the conversation as you catch them up about all your work and progress.

Find your goal-planning place

As everyday life spins each of you into your own individual orbits, you often need something to ground you as a team. Couples counseling can provide a wide range of powerful benefits. You learn about yourselves and each other. In that weekly therapy session, things get real and a deeper connection can be formed. Reachable goals become more organic and natural. Take time to make mutual success part of your relationship.

Filed Under: goals, Uncategorized Tagged With: goals, relationship, relationship goals, setting goals

Change Your Inflammation Situation and Mend Your Mental Health

September 5, 2017 by kellymontgomerymft

When we think about our body’s immune system, we usually focus only on physical ailments. However, the immune system also impacts our mental health in a major way. Recent studies, in fact, have found an interesting connection related to inflammation.

What is inflammation?

Inflammation is how our body responds to bacteria, viruses, damaged tissue, and more. It’s safe to say infection and our body’s response to infection combine to cause inflammation. Other factors can create or add to it, for example:

  • Stress
  • Alcohol and tobacco products
  • Certain prescription drugs
  • Dietary choices

Symptoms that may indicate ongoing inflammation include:

  • Digestive issues
  • Skin problems
  • Fatigue
  • Weight loss
  • Joint pain
  • Depression

Injury or illness is usually not something we cause. But inflammation-creating lifestyle choices can be changed.

What role can inflammation play in our mental health?

Studies are still being done, but a connection is becoming clearer. Let’s consider depression. While this is a mental condition, there are physical symptoms. For example, a person with depression may have a loss of appetite. They may also have low energy or fatigue easily. Well, a large body of research now confirms a possible link between immune and inflammatory activity in the brain.

In 2013, another connection was made. A Danish study examined the medical records of more than 3 million people. Those who were hospitalized for infection were 62 percent more likely to develop an emotional disorder (e.g. depression and bipolar disorder).

It makes sense to explore ways to decrease inflammation in your life. The benefits may range across the spectrum of physical and psychological conditions.

3 Ways to Change Your Inflammation Situation & Mend Your Mental Health

1. Stress management and overall self-care

This may sound like general advice but taking care of yourself is the foundation for a healthy lifestyle. Stress is a universal trigger. It plays a major role in inflammation and must be taken seriously. Look into relaxation techniques like yoga, meditation, and Tai Chi. Also, guard your sleeping habits. Stress management begins with healthy sleep.

2. Dietary changes

What we eat impacts our health in so many ways. Here are some anti-inflammatory basics:

  • Choose whole foods, reduce processed and packaged meals
  • Choose the best award winning supplements to balance out the lack in your diet and get antioxidant support
  • Make most of your intake of the plant-based variety
  • Speaking of variety, embrace it
  • Keep a food journal to learn your allergies and sensitivities
  • Include anti-inflammatory spices like ginger, turmeric, cloves, and cinnamon
  • Aim for as much organic food as you can realistically include

Of course, when it comes to diet, we each have our personal quirks. Consult a professional to make sure you’re on the right track.

3. Get active

Your body doesn’t want to be inflamed. But it definitely does want to move, twist, stretch, and sweat. This means getting active. For starters, limit your desk and device time as much as possible. Then it’s time kick things up a notch or three. You might prefer Crossfit or Zumba. Maybe it’s karate or spin class. Or how about getting outside? Walk or bike away some of that inflammation on the Bay Bridge Trail from Oakland to Yerba Buena Island.

Remember: You are not alone

Let’s be absolutely clear. It’s not easy making these lifestyle changes.

There are many reasons for this and plenty of those reasons are rooted in the mind. This is where counseling becomes essential. Working with a therapist is a proven path towards establishing new habits. We learn about our patterns and identify our obstacles as we come to better understand ourselves. After that, it’s easier to set a plan into motion.

Together, you and your therapist can lay out the groundwork for a new mindset. That new mindset may be the may be your most effective push towards less inflammation and better mental health.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

A prescription for Sex…and why it’s Best to Fill it Often.

August 22, 2017 by kellymontgomerymft

Stress is epidemic. Sex is everywhere. Can we blend these two trends in a positive way?

The first step is to recognize that an unhealthy outlook on sex is a source of stress. Conversely, a deep and steady sexual connection is a proven form of stress relief.

How does sex counteract stress?

Having sex can release endorphins and other hormones. Having sex is also exercise. All those hormones and all that exercise combine to elevate mood. That’s the accepted science. But let’s face it. There’s more to healthy sex than just hormones. It connects us socially. It’s often part of being in love. Sex is a unique avenue that can guide us to a happier place.

But sex can also contribute to stress. Consider these examples:

  • Performance issues: Are we good enough? Will we satisfy our partner?
  • Self-critique: That inner voice may tell you stories about how you look or what you’re worth
  • Compatibility: Each of us “has sex” as an expression of our own desires, needs, preferences, and so on. But what does our current partner think and feel about that?

Prescription: Do the work to improve your sex life and watch how it helps decrease stress.

How to jumpstart your sex life

1. Practice self-care

Loving yourself contributes mightily to your comfort zone in making love to others. A basic part of loving ourselves is self-care. If we are the best version of ourselves, it works as a powerful counter to the stressful examples listed above. Here’s how to get started:

  • Regular exercise and activity: being fit is never a bad thing
  • Sleep patterns: mood and energy grow from adequate rest and recovery
  • Eating habits: skip the clickbait articles and find yourself a skilled coach
  • Relaxation techniques: yoga, Tai Chi, and so on

2. Communicate

Make time to talk. This means talk, face to face. No texting or Facetime. Have a real conversation. Discuss your needs and desires. Commit to compromise and experimentation. But most importantly, commit to communication.

3. Ditch the porn

At first, you may see it as a way to “spice” things up. Over time, it will likely weaken your connection. Rather than relieve stress, porn can be a fast lane to more stress. Say yes to collective imagination.

4. Broaden your perspective on what “sex life” means

In studies, intercourse is used as the gold standard. In real life, “sex” should be defined by each couple as they see fit. You have the freedom and the responsibility to decide what works for you as a couple. If you only count intercourse as sex, you’re heading towards a dead end.

5. Don’t keep score

It’s not about numbers. How many times did we have sex? Who initiated last time? Which one of you is winning the orgasm race? Intimacy is not a contest. It’s a language of its own. So put aside the numbers and learn how to communicate sensually, leave the scoreboard up to the Oakland colliseum.

6. Practice mindfulness

Like everything else, great sex happens in the moment. We release expectations. Past pleasures (and failures) become a memory. All the “what if” questions about the future can wait. Right here and right now, we are blessed to be experiencing magic.

Embrace the process

So, having a bad day, go make love to your husband. Tell him,”I’m having a bad day, make love to me, help me feel better, Drs orders!” Don’t wait until your always in the mood, or feeling happy. You can use sex as a tool for creating new emotions and shifting gears. Allow yourself to prescribe sex!

Both issues can be addressed at once but sometimes it’s also a delicate process. Working with a counselor helps simplify the steps. You have a mediator and an honest broker. Therapy is a safe space for discussion, disagreement, and problem-solving.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

How Dealing with Digestive Trouble Helps Alleviate Anxiety

July 25, 2017 by kellymontgomerymft

Many of you may be scratching your heads. What in the world does my indigestion have to with me feeling anxious? But think about it:

Haven’t you had a “gut feeling” about something?
What about experiencing “butterflies” in your stomach before a big event?
Where do you think the term “gut-wrenching” comes from?
Welcome to the gut-brain connection. Everything our body does is connected. In some cases, that connectivity is more easily affected.

How does anxiety impact your stomach?

Anxiety causes a wide range of symptoms. These include everything from headaches to cold feet. Smack dab in the middle, it can do a number on your digestive tract. Here are just a few examples of what can happen:

  • Increased stomach acids: this, in turn, can lead to problems like reflux.
  • Sleep issues: all bodily functions (including digestion) require a healthy amount of sleep.
  • Overactive fight-or-flight response: always feeling stressed decreases our ability to digest normally.
  • Bacteria imbalance: anxiety weakens our immune systems, throwing off the bacterial balance in our gut.

All of this contributes towards a tricky cycle. We feel anxiety. Over time, it impacts our digestion for the worse. Poor digestion creates symptoms (pain, discomfort, etc.) that trigger more anxiety. Eventually, it feels impossible to identify what factor is causing which symptom. Of course, that results in even more anxiety and more digestive issues. Simply put, this must be addressed as soon as possible. And that usually means getting back to the basics.

4 Steps for Dealing With Anxiety-Causing Digestive Trouble

1. Lifestyle changes and basic self-care

A strong foundation can withstand a storm. For each of us, this starts with the daily choices we make. Two examples are rest and activity. You don’t have to become a gym rat but daily exercise is essential. In addition, we must avoid long periods of inactivity—except, of course, when it comes to sleep. Healthy, regular sleep patterns are a major part of reducing both anxiety and digestive trouble.

2. Stress management and relaxation techniques

Let’s state the obvious: If our stress is managed, it will do us less harm. What qualifies as a relaxation technique can differ from person to person. Yoga, Tai Chi, and meditation are common examples. Perhaps something like the Oakland Floats floatation center will, (ahem*) float your boat.

3. Re-evaluating one’s eating habits

We are talking about digestion here. No matter what role anxiety plays we can and must make smart eating choices. In terms of what you eat, you can seek out a professional guide (see below). Other factors:

Chew slowly: Refrain from wolfing down your meals. Set aside time to eat slowly and mindfully.
Timing: Try not to let yourself go too long without eating and then gorging yourself. Timing is very important. You may wish to aim for many smaller meals throughout the day.

4. Clean out the everyday toxins in your life (including tech addictions)

From the soap we use to how much time we spend staring at our phone, our choices matter. Every day, poor choices can contribute to more anxiety. As a result, they will create further digestive problems. Take stock of the products you use. Learn to read labels carefully. Take breaks from your devices. One cannot overestimate the stress caused by our tech obsessions.

Creating a plan of action

Mental health and physical wellness go hand-in-hand. We cannot have true balance without both of these elements. Finding someone to guide you is important. At Healing Happens Therapy, we provide coaching in aspects of health, wellness and nutrition. Find your motivation and empowerment while setting and reaching goals. You can do it!

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Sexually Out of Step? What to Do About Your Mismatched Libidos

July 11, 2017 by kellymontgomerymft

Our culture is dripping in sex. But there’s a catch. Very few of us actually talk about sex in any real way. Like all facets of a relationship, it requires constant attention.Compatibility evolves, but do we?

4 Issues that May Create Mismatched Libidos

1. Style/preferences

How we express ourselves sexually is a unique part of our personality. What turns us on doesn’t automatically excite someone else. Within the law, there is no right or wrong. Within a relationship, things can get more complicated.

2. Frequency

The first thing we think of in terms of libido is: how often? Some will say every day. Others (if not most) will prefer less. But, as with all aspects of human interactions, this is subject to change.

3. Duration

Libido can also refer to how long you’d like sex to last. Typically, this is a case-by-case situation. Even so, it’s not easy to get these preferences lined up. It’s not unusual to expect a long session but experience a shift along the way. Trying to tell this to your partner can be tricky.

4. Lack of communication

Being vulnerable and misunderstood can cause a lot of defenses, guilt and maybe even shame. Not surprisingly, this leads us to shut down. But without communication, any relationship can become unhealthy.

5 Steps to Re-Match Your Mismatched Libidos

1. Have a conversation. Make it an ongoing conversation.

What feels like a mismatch just might be a misunderstanding.

Your sex life does not stand a chance if you’re not communicating about it. This means during the act, of course. But mostly, it means before and after. You ask each other, “What are you in the mood for?” before cooking. You shop together, try new recipes and restaurants, and talk about food likes and dislikes. Are you being that talkative about your libido? Sex is a language in itself. Become fluent in it!

2. Turn off the porn.

Turn on your imagination and creativity. If you need to get ideas from porn get them together- but tune into your true feelings and desires—without being influenced by those images on your phone. Real life is not boring. Stop by Good Vibrations in Grand Lake Oakland to discover together what other options exist outside the realm of porn.

3. Redefine sex and intimacy

You might ask yourself: How many times per month do we have sex? But there’s a question to ask before tackling that question. How do we define “sex”? If it has to be intercourse plus orgasms, you might be missing a big part of the equation. Taking a shower together. Giving a sensual massage. Then there are also all the amazing acts that get lumped under the umbrella of “foreplay.”

4. Accept compromise and change

Part of any relationship is the ability to compromise. It’s like a delicious stew but, of course, some ingredients are better than others. Your sex life requires openness and vulnerability and a willingness to accept change. It all comes back to speaking the language of sex with each other openly.

5. What about bringing in outside help?

Sure, its private, but building trust with a professional therapist who can help you bring back the passion in your marriage is worth it.  There’s no rule that you have to figure this out on your own. See below for more.

Can couples counseling help?

The short answer is yes. But it involves a commitment from you and your partner. It also involves finding a therapist with the experience and skill to mediate and guide effectively.

Re-matching your libidos may begin with a free 15-minute phone consultation. As you progress through therapy, you’ll learn and grow together… and likely find that the homework assignments can be awesome.

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Fireworks & BBQs in East Bay: How to Celebrate Without Ruining your Diet

June 27, 2017 by kellymontgomerymft

Why does it seem that “fun” and “delicious” always seem to be…unhealthy? This goes double on holidays. Sure, the Fourth of July means independence. It also means:

  • Chowing down super-sized portions of fatty food
  • Being seated for hours in an ergonomically incorrect beach chair
  • Arching your neck upward for at least an hour’s worth of fireworks
  • Bombarding your ear drums with explosions and the Oakland Symphony
  • Did we mention the huge amounts of junk food?

Pointing all this out doesn’t automatically make you the party pooper. Sure, it may feel like you just took the fun out of everything. But in reality, you’re giving yourself and others a chance to do the impossible: party and stay healthy at the same time!

From Downtown Livermore to the Alameda County Fair and beyond, there are many fun July 4 options to choose from. No matter where you celebrate, you can do your best to make body-friendly choices.

6 Ways to Celebrate Without Ruining your Diet

1. Plan ahead and/or make special requests

If you know a particular road will have traffic, you plan ahead and choose a different route. Why don’t we apply such simple logic to our health? Let’s begin with three suggestions:

  • Eat at home

No matter what’s sizzling on the grill, you won’t eat too much if you’re full. Time it out to have a full meal before leaving the house. If your day involves a long drive, bring healthy food for the roundtrip.

  • Talk to friends/ask for help

Contact the host and request certain food options. This is especially helpful if the planning involves a group email or chat. Get others involved and help them feel more comfortable asking for veggies and fruit!

  • Potluck

Give the control back to every guest.

2. Portion control

Sometimes, the best you can do is less. By this, we mean eat less. You may do your best to be prepared but end up stuck at an event brimming with junk food. If you have to eat, control those portions. Chew slowly and don’t go back for seconds.

3. Bring your own food (and water)

Depending on the scenario, you may be able to take matters into your own hands. Literally. You can eat before. You can make requests. But what about bringing your own food? If there’s a host, talk to them. If it’s a public event, there’s nothing odd about loading a cooler with the meals that work best for you.

4. Volunteer as designated driver

Not all the junk and calories are hiding in the food. The alcoholic beverages can ruin a diet as fast as anything you eat. The responsibility of being designated helps you stay fit and others stay safe.

5. Combine activity with celebration

Encourage your fellow partiers to work up an appetite with some sports, games, and activities. Also, stay mindful of your own behavior by not remaining sedentary all night.

6. Be the host!

It’s daunting to throw a big holiday party but, it sure puts you in control. You can find the ideal balance of holiday staples and healthy options.

What if self-sabotage overwhelms self-care?

There are times when all the helpful tips in the world don’t matter. We already know what the wrong choices are. Yet, they draw us to them like a magnet. What do we do when the issue is much more than just a holiday cookout?

You may need a guide—someone with a background in both mental health and physical wellness. Working one-on-one with a therapist and coach at Healing Happens Therapy can lead you to a new, healthier form of Independence!

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Wedding Plans in the Works? 5 Topics to Talk About Now

June 13, 2017 by kellymontgomerymft

There’s a wise old adage every newly-engaged couple should carefully heed. It reminds us to not spend more time planning our wedding than our marriage. Yes, of course, weddings are expensive. They’re complicated. The planning involved is massive and daunting. They require a lot of time and energy. It’s easy to lose sight of anything else.

More people will ask about your wedding dress than you and your partner’s compatibility. That’s precisely when the problems may sneak their way in.

Happily ever after?

Love songs and romantic comedies teach us how “simple” it is. Once upon a time. Love at first sight. Happily ever after. But it’s not that easy. Not everything lasts forever. If the Oakland Raiders can move to Las Vegas, nothing should be considered certain in this world!

Most of us approach other aspects of our life with vision. We plan way ahead for things like choosing a college, switching jobs, even buying a car. We ask questions and ponder obstacles. Basically, we do the work so we’re in the best position to succeed.

An unforgettable wedding does not equate to a healthy marriage. A healthy marriage does not happen by accident. If you want to put the odds in your favor, start talking to each other!

5 Pre-Wedding Topics to Talk About Now

1. Family and friends

In an odd way, we marry more than one person. There are many possible factors in this package deal, for example:

Family
Friends
Exes
Co-workers
Children
Non-human companions
No, you’re not expected to get along perfectly with everyone. But, if there are concerns, voice them early and often. Nip any potential problem in the bud.

2. Intimacy

Most likely, sex is far from an issue at this point. But nothing is permanent. For a variety of reasons, sex drive and sexual style can evolve. Power dynamics are important, too. Is there an age and/or experience difference? Don’t take that initial lust for granted. Aim to create a long life of mutually beneficial intimacy. Even if it feels weird at first, learn to communicate about sex.

3. Career and money

Will one of you be the main breadwinner? Will you buy or rent? Are you open to relocating? Separate bank accounts? This is just the tip of the economic iceberg. Sit down together. Make lists of your financial needs and wants. Then honestly assess how compatible your two lists are.

4. Children

This one is a doozy. Do not walk down that aisle without having this conversation. Check that you do not walk down that aisle until you’ve at least temporarily resolved this issue. Neither of you has to compromise. Both of you have the right to your preferences and the right to change your mind. Most major decisions can be tweaked or even reversed. This one, however, is commitment in its truest form.

5. Independence

Even the healthiest couple can slip into codependence. It’s cute, at first, to do everything together. Eventually, it becomes dysfunctional. Talk about who you are and want to be in your independent lives.

While everyone is debating seating arrangements, a couple with vision keeps their eyes on the prize. We’re often led to believe that therapy is useful once problems arise. In reality, couples counseling before marriage is a wonderful and wise decision.

More and more people are learning the value of addressing issues before they’ve had a chance to fester. Don’t worry, you wedding photos will be great. Spend more time working on your relationship. It will help your future more than any of your other pre-wedding choices.

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Healing Happens Therapy
Kelly Montgomery, LMFT #82418
6333 Telegraph Ave, #200
Oakland CA, 94609

kelly@kellyjmontgomery.com
888-831-5221

* Kelly Montgomery now practices virtually only (online and phone). New clients may use the toll free number above and existing or returning clients may contact her local number via phone by downloading the “Whatsapp” application on your device.

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