In any committed relationship, trust is paramount. Respect is predominant. Transparency is central. And any sort of betrayal rocks its foundation.
Financial infidelity is no different.
And what exactly is financial infidelity? Any act of dishonesty concerning the funds, assets, savings, or credit you share with your partner. Big or small.
So, is there anything your partner doesn’t know about your combined finances? Is there anything you haven’t shared?
Undisclosed financial decision-making?
That’s all financial infidelity. Left unchecked, it can take a relationship down.
Financial infidelity uniquely drains the love account you and your partner share.
Whether you were raised here in Oakland in the Bay area, the Rocky Mountains, or the deep south, money is deeply personal. It is also deeply tied to ideas of security, empowerment, and dreams of your future together. A lack of faithfulness on this front can quickly bankrupt the best parts of your bond. Trust is the heart of your relationship. Thus, when your or your partner dishonor your agreement to love each other honestly, you run the risk of breaking deep connections.
The fact is, an overriding number of couples end committed relationships over money matters. This should not be taken lightly. Consider these keys ways financial infidelity destroys relationships and commit to closing the books on this type of behavior right away:
Financial infidelity negates your commitment to take care of each other.
How you manage monetary responsibilities makes a clear statement to your partner. How you protect your joint assets also says something important about how much you value and respect each other. Lying, cheating, and hoarding is self-oriented. Furthermore, this behavior says that one of you is unsafe and unprotected.
Dishonest bookkeeping, sneaky spending, or irresponsible bill-paying creates cracks in your financial and relational foundation. Tension, doubt, and debt, can easily drive a wedge between you and the person you love. Your happy relationship, and the safe place it represents, seems questionable or insecure when financial fudging gets in the way.
Financial infidelity kills trust and transparency.
Trust and your combined funds are good together. Don’t break them up.
Don’t conceal spending or obscure debts. If you create an atmosphere of dishonesty or your partner feels that you cannot or will not be truthful monetarily, how can you move forward? Consequently, making mutually beneficial decisions when it comes to debts, expenses, or resources, will be fraught with suspicion and resentment, instead of cooperation and openness.
Financial infidelity violates basic relationship ground rules.
Accountability and open communication, both crucial elements of a healthy relationship, go out the window when one person operates covertly. Therefore, don’t indulge in sneaky behavior or withholding information. It fails to honor you partner’s right to discuss or decide spending, savings, or investments. Discuss money matters clearly and routinely. Otherwise, goodwill and a willingness to cooperate quickly erode. From there, resentment and distrust make a healthy relationship difficult to recover.
Financial infidelity interjects a damaging sense of manipulation, intimidation, or control into your relationship.
Intentional or not, secretive or manipulative use of your joint funds signals a need to be in control. Not to be in a mutually beneficial relationship. Too many marriages meltdown due to monetary power struggles.
What happens when rights or access to money are unbalanced? Loving interaction, solution-oriented problem-solving, and respect suffer.
Most of all, your partnership requires equitable money sharing and shared responsibility to thrive. Therefore, financial infidelity has no place in a good marriage or committed relationship.
Decide to keep your relationship free of dishonesty. In addition, work hard to be intentionally above board and fair to your partner. Honesty, responsibility, transparency, communication, and trust, support financial fidelity and a brighter outlook.
Do you still find you are struggling with the idea of staying monetarily faithful? Seek the guidance of a professional. It’s worth the effort to keep financial infidelity off the books and your love account full.