Sex, It may not be the only important factor in marriage, but it’s hard to feel bonded when your spouse feels like little more than a roommate. If you’ve fallen into that rut where you and your spouse are focused more on your jobs and the kids than on connecting between the sheets, it’s not too late to turn things around. Getting more action just requires putting in a little bit more effort. You’ll both be rewarded in the long run. * wink *
- Be intentional about it.
It’s easy to take your spouse for granted. Sex often becomes routine because you know what to expect and you touch and relate to each other the same ways every time. Break out of auto-pilot mode and really focus on your partner. Instead of waiting for sex at the end of the day, send messages throughout the day letting your spouse know how much you really want him. The real pathway to the bedroom is paved in lots of little daily moments. Added up, they all tell your partner: I choose you. That’s not just sexy; it’s irresistible.
2. Go skydiving together.
You don’t actually have to go skydiving—just do something together that gets your adrenaline racing. Step outside of your comfort zone and take a risk. Sing karaoke together in front of a new Oakland crowd if you’re shy or spend a day riding roller coasters. The link between sexual attraction and moderately scary situations is well documented. A slight element of perceived risk boosts your heart rate and makes you feel revved up in general, which often pays off in the bedroom.
3. Change when you have sex.
Most couples get into a regular habit of having sex at the same general time. The most common time? Around 10:30 pm on a Saturday night. Break out of that predictable schedule. Take your partner by surprise by suggesting sex at a completely different time of day. Try first thing in the morning, when male testosterone levels are at their highest. Or take advantage of when the natural peak in female hormones, at about 3:00 in the afternoon. The important thing is to free yourself from the way you’ve always done things. Communicate the fact that you want each other all the time, not just at specific times.
4. Have the courage to try something new.
Even people who have been part of a couple for many years can have unexplored fantasies they’ve never mustered the courage to mention. Remember that trying something once doesn’t have to mean you’ll want to add it to your regular repertoire. But, being open-minded enough to try something new adds a playful spirit back to your sex life. The best sex is fun and lets you feel like you’re escaping from the rest of the world for a while. Got something in mind that you haven’t tried? Speak up.
5. Focus on the why, not on the what.
There’s a sense of sameness that goes along with being with the same partner over and over. The most obvious solution most people come up with is to chase novelty. While novelty has its place and is certainly a lot of fun, focus instead on why it’s important to connect with your spouse. Sex isn’t just about satisfying a biological drive, but about strengthening the emotional bond between a couple. Take time out for the two of you to really connect and remember why you fell in love in the first place.