Craving a Closer Connection? 6 Ways to Build Intimacy

Whether you’re in a long-term relationship or have been married for 20 years, you still want to keep that spark alive between you and your partner.  Passion can fade, turn dull and boring or become so predictable that you lose interest in the other person. However, the great thing is, you can turn things around in your relationship and increase that passion you once had or better yet, create brand new passion.

But first, think back to the time when you and your partner first started dating. It was new; it was exciting; it was full of heat. You probably felt your heart beating faster, your breath becoming heavier and your stomach flip-flopping anticipating their next move. You felt confident, beautiful, sexy and irresistible to them.

It’s time to feel that way again by doing two important things that will have you finding you and your partner irresistible once again.

Show Your Confidence

Have you ever been around someone that exudes confidence and just feels grounded in who they are? They know what they want and who they are, and it shows.  It’s magnetic. How do you get it?

Confidence is not about bragging what you have or what you’ve done. Being confident is about living your own life, on your own healthy terms. It’s about having a felt sense of your own inner wisdom, your right to be authentic and real and unapologetic for it.

You can ignore the naysayers of life, no passing judgment on yourself or others and be the truest form of Self that you can be.  The people you surround yourself with support you and your goals and dreams; they don’t stand in your way.  You like to dream big and take actions towards achieving those things.

When you feel good about who you are and love yourself unconditionally, then you are able to express that love to others. You are investing your heart and soul into yourself and also someone you’re passionate about, and they can feel that love, too.

Confident people tend to be more optimistic and think positively because they are able to take on life as it comes to them. They still get scared and have fear, but they also have a support system of folks cheering them on.  That support helps when obstacles are thrown their way. They can react calmly and take control of the situation and make successful adaptations.

When you feel good about yourself, others around you begin to feel good about themselves. It’s like a ripple effect.

Here are three ways to help boost your confidence:

• Excel at things you’re good at, like your favorite hobbies. Success produces confidence, so invest in yourself and make time for the things you love to do. You don’t need to boast about your accomplishments, but just have personal awareness of them to raise your confidence.
• Good self care: Feel better. Figure out what that means for you. Fresh air every day? Organizing your home? Moving your body? Processing your feelings by heading to therapy? Pick a few and make them stick.
• Enhance your skills or weak areas to feel better about yourself. When you see how you’ve improved, you’ll begin to think more highly of yourself and your self-esteem will increase. You’ll have more pride in yourself and your work.

Show Interest in Your Partner’s World

It’s not always about you. When you show interest in your partner, you’re showing them that you are really interested in their world. You care about their likes, dislikes, philosophies, hobbies and interests. Head out and do fun activities together around Oakland and connect even more with each other. Get creative, compromise and even find yourself doing something you wouldn’t normally choose. You’ll create a thicker bond.

Relationships are about connecting to one another on much deeper levels as well, especially if you’re spending your life with someone. This can be crucial to a long-term couple. You must be mindful of each other and take the time to really get to know the other person. It’s not always what you do together but how you interact when you’re around each other.

When you express concern or interest towards them, you are allowing yourself to step aside and learning to dive into the other person’s world. Every day we’re responding or failing to respond, consciously or unconsciously, to our partner’s need for connection. Sometimes, it’s the day-to-day life and the little things that matter most. They might just want to know that you care.

People like to feel validated. When you ask the other person questions about their thoughts and feelings, you’re being with them in that moment, respecting their experiences and validating how they are thinking and feeling. You don’t always have to agree, just make space for them, show respect. You are able to get a glimpse of their world and see things through their perspective. It’s a way to show your understanding and acceptance of them just as they are. This sharing helps your partner to feel less stressed, upset, or vulnerable.

When couples share their innermost desires, thoughts and real feelings with each other, they become stronger together. They build up their levels of trust and intimacy, which creates longer lasting relationships.

Here are some ways to validate and show interest in your partner:

• Practice mindful listening, where you fully pay attention to your companion, turning off all electronic devices and giving your undivided attention to them. Try to hold back your judgements and reactions to what they are saying. And, try to prevent yourself from attempting to fix, solve, advise or help the situation. Just listen.
• When you see each other again in the evenings, ask how their day was and allow them to share their experiences with you.
• Take time to sit down and talk periodically, asking open-ended questions to dive deeper into their stream of thought, hopes, fears and feelings. It can feel gratifying for them when they talk further about what they are thinking or feeling.

There are many ways to keep the spark alive in your marriage or relationship. It takes a bit of work and effort, but the payoff is so worth it to see that smile on their face and to hear how much they still love you after all these years and appreciate everything you do for them.

If you need more help in your relationship, Healing Happens Therapy can work with you and your partner to rebuild what you may have lost or work through any problems.