There’s a wise old adage every newly-engaged couple should carefully heed. It reminds us to not spend more time planning our wedding than our marriage. Yes, of course, weddings are expensive. They’re complicated. The planning involved is massive and daunting. They require a lot of time and energy. It’s easy to lose sight of anything else.
More people will ask about your wedding dress than you and your partner’s compatibility. That’s precisely when the problems may sneak their way in.
Happily ever after?
Love songs and romantic comedies teach us how “simple” it is. Once upon a time. Love at first sight. Happily ever after. But it’s not that easy. Not everything lasts forever. If the Oakland Raiders can move to Las Vegas, nothing should be considered certain in this world!
Most of us approach other aspects of our life with vision. We plan way ahead for things like choosing a college, switching jobs, even buying a car. We ask questions and ponder obstacles. Basically, we do the work so we’re in the best position to succeed.
An unforgettable wedding does not equate to a healthy marriage. A healthy marriage does not happen by accident. If you want to put the odds in your favor, start talking to each other!
5 Pre-Wedding Topics to Talk About Now
1. Family and friends
In an odd way, we marry more than one person. There are many possible factors in this package deal, for example:
No, you’re not expected to get along perfectly with everyone. But, if there are concerns, voice them early and often. Nip any potential problem in the bud.
Most likely, sex is far from an issue at this point. But nothing is permanent. For a variety of reasons, sex drive and sexual style can evolve. Power dynamics are important, too. Is there an age and/or experience difference? Don’t take that initial lust for granted. Aim to create a long life of mutually beneficial intimacy. Even if it feels weird at first, learn to communicate about sex.
3. Career and money
Will one of you be the main breadwinner? Will you buy or rent? Are you open to relocating? Separate bank accounts? This is just the tip of the economic iceberg. Sit down together. Make lists of your financial needs and wants. Then honestly assess how compatible your two lists are.
This one is a doozy. Do not walk down that aisle without having this conversation. Check that you do not walk down that aisle until you’ve at least temporarily resolved this issue. Neither of you has to compromise. Both of you have the right to your preferences and the right to change your mind. Most major decisions can be tweaked or even reversed. This one, however, is commitment in its truest form.
Even the healthiest couple can slip into codependence. It’s cute, at first, to do everything together. Eventually, it becomes dysfunctional. Talk about who you are and want to be in your independent lives.
While everyone is debating seating arrangements, a couple with vision keeps their eyes on the prize. We’re often led to believe that therapy is useful once problems arise. In reality, couples counseling before marriage is a wonderful and wise decision.
More and more people are learning the value of addressing issues before they’ve had a chance to fester. Don’t worry, you wedding photos will be great. Spend more time working on your relationship. It will help your future more than any of your other pre-wedding choices.